I got to sleep in this morning, which was pretty awesome. I really needed the sleep. I then ran some errands and got the bread that I forgot to get yesterday. I came home and reluctantly, started doing the dishes and other mundane house work actives.
Somewhere in the middle of it, a few of my demons escaped and I was overwhelmed with some negative thoughts and emotions. I fought it for a while but eventually gave up on the dishes and gave in. My soul was sad. It happens. Then my doubt demons run amuck for a bit. I took a time out, sat on the edge of my bed and looked out my window, watching the sun dance between the leaves on the tree. And I let the tears flow.
I remember a time when this was almost a daily occurrence. I hated my life so much and I was so miserable and I didn't know why. Nothing made sense. I was scared, angry, confused and lost. Thankfully, I sought help and found the light at the end of the tunnel. Now the sadness makes sense. The demons are under control and stay locked up, most of the time.
In fact, today was the first day in quite some time that I've felt like this. It was a sudden and very profound sense of loneliness. It happens. I've been single since 2006 and haven't been on a date since 2009, so things are a little bleak in my relationship sphere. My family isn't near by and I've spent an awful lot of time by myself lately, so it all kind of ganged up on me. I gave myself permission to be sad for 30 minutes. And then I dusted myself off, got back up and continued on with my afternoon, feeling much better. I experimented with dessert and ended up with a very yummy baked apple.
Now I'm just sad about the fact that the Emmy Nominees from The Big Bang Theory didn't win :(
I hear my bed calling so it's time for me to log off.
Good Night!
Sarah
