Growth

One thing that most of us have in common is the need, desire and drive for personal growth. Some people seem to be able to accomplish this better than others. And after something I discovered today, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at it too.

To gauge our growth, we have to look to the past and evaluate the people we were then and then people we are now. I'm not a big fan of doing that. I try hard not to live in the past. And I try very hard to not let bad memories/experiences from the past have a negative influence on things I do now. For someone who hates change, I'm doing a fairly decent job at embracing it.

Since I have a 4 day long weekend and have a friend coming to visit in 3 weeks, I decided that this weekend would be a good time to start my spring cleaning. I made some really good headway on Friday and threw out a lot of stuff that wasn't useful anymore and was just taking up space. Yesterday I decided that I needed to find a new way to store my shoes/boots/sandals. There's not enough room in the hall closet for them and their current location of being in a pile by the door doesn't work well, especially since I keep tripping over them and then when I go hunting for a pair, I can only find one half since I've punted the other one halfway across the kitchen. Anyhow, I remembered that I have two large plastic bins in my closet (currently being used as a shelf for my TP and Kleenex). I thought that one of them might be a good container for my shoes. So this evening, I decide to grab one and clean it out.

These bins have been in the closet since I moved back from Calgary...4 years ago. I have no idea what's in them really. I think I've only opened them once or twice since I moved back. The bin I grabbed contained a whole mess of misc. items: Birthday cards from family and friends, note cards, a couple Christmas cards, souvenirs from various trips, post cards from friends and family, a couple of neat things from my past that I decided somewhere along the way that I wanted to keep (like the interview I did with Sean M. from Great Big Sea...which my buddy Kevin got the band to sign for me when he met them!). A lot of it brought back a whole bunch of memories. I ended up throwing out 2/3s of the box.

The me from 4+ years ago found some need to keep a lot of this stuff, but the me today didn't. Somewhere in the last 4 years, I've grown and emotionally developed enough to put away those parts of my past. Sure, I did keep a few sentimental things. I kept a few cards from my parents that had supportive and motivations messages from them inside. Who doesn't need a little pick me up every now and again eh? And I did keep the last birthday card that my Gram sent me before she passed away. Seeing her hand writing on the page made me smile and miss her tremendously. I also found the copy of the Tennyson Guyer poem "The World Is Mine" that my Gram gave me when I was a little girl. I kept that too.

I also found something that I really no flipping idea what I was thinking when I decided to keep it. It's my journal from mid 2000 off and on until mid-2002. I could feel the negativity coming off it in waves without evening opening the book. Those were some of the darkest times of my life. I was so un-sure of myself. So depressed and frustrated yet there were pockets of hope. Why the hell did I keep it?? I only read a few random pages in it but it was enough to remind myself that I never want to go back to that place again. Keeping it the last time I came across it was a mistake. I believe that you can only make any one mistake once because the next time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice. So this time, I'm choosing to get rid of it. Burning it seems like a fantastic idea. LOL. I'm more likely going to tear it to shreds and just toss it out however. I don't want to risk anyone thinking that I'm attempting to burn my apartment down. The memories of those years are in my brain. I've learnt from my mistakes, have grown and moved on. I don't need the visual reminder.

Four years ago, when faced with the same task as today, I couldn't bring myself to throw a lot of that box away. But today, I did. That is growth. That is emotional development. That is making peace with the past and moving on. And all of that makes me very happy and quite proud of myself.

Speaking of being proud of ones self, I pulled off a couple of culinary firsts for myself this evening. I cooked a prime rib roast for the first time (just a little, one rib one) and it turned out perfectly! My mom would have loved it since it was nice and juicy. Dad would have hated it. He's a well done kind of guy. LOL. I also make Yorkshire Pudding for the first time ever. They were actually really easy and turned out quite well. I really enjoyed my dinner and I have a lot left over. It's dinners like these that make me wish I had someone to share them with. I really do enjoy cooking for others, especially if they're willing to do the dishes up in return.

I think I'm going to try to get more cleaning and some laundry done tomorrow and I might just venture out to see if I can find some reduced to clear Easter chocolate.

Good Night!

Sarah

My little Yorkshire Puddings

Unsuspecting Life Lessons

So I had an interesting day today. It got off to a rough start when the nice people on the radio said that it had snowed overnight. Well crap. I was seriously tempted to just turn off the alarm clock, crawl back under the covers and just hibernate until April. But I figured that wouldn't go over very well in the long run, so I got up. I will admit that the first thing I did was look out the window to see if the radio people had lied to me. Sadly, they hadn't.  This resulted in me digging furiously through my closet for my boots about 2 minutes before I needed to be out the door. I found them! Which meant that I made it to work with warm, dry feet and I didn't fall on my ass in the process. So that was good.

I managed to finish a project at work that I've been working on for almost the whole month. That was super awesome, especially since I've got a new, bigger one to work on now. D'oh! I guess that's just the way it works. They've very different projects too, so I guess my brain will appreciate the change of pace.

Some other crap happened along the way but it dawned on me that it's not worth getting into. In the greater scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Once I was home from work. Facebook provided me with a little shinning beacon in the dark. That happens from time to time. Kind of like when my brother suddenly says something profound. You don't see it coming, but when it happens, it stops you dead in your tracks. LOL. Anyhow...a friend posted a quote from actor and musician Will Smith. It said:

"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay"

That's so incredibly true. And perhaps why I've been a little "meh" lately. I haven't been doing my own thing. I've been letting myself get way to caught up in other stuff and other people. And the worst part is that none of it matters one fucking bit. I need to focus on me and just ignore the rest. I have some truly wonderful people in my life. They belong and they've stayed with me for a very long time. They're the ones that are important. They're the ones who matter. I need to focus on that.

And I need to finish my book! It's gotten really, really good. It's been hard to put it down. In fact, I read through dinner. I had to keep putting my book down so I could cut my meat. LOL. I think I'm going to get ready for bed and go curl up with my book and finish the sucker. No worries, I have the next one in the series so I can keep going. I may have to pick up the 3rd one (or 4th) before I head home for Christmas ;)

LOL!  Good Night!

Sarah

Stepping stones - Century Gardens, Calgary AB.