If I See Another Happy Couple/Person on a Beach Photo, I Might Just Self Combust

I keep sitting here, looking at this blank screen and suddenly my thoughts are as blank as it is.

I guess some thoughts really are too personal to share. 

I am very tired. The irony being that despite how tired I am, I'm sleeping like shit. I either can't fall asleep for hours or I do fall asleep but then wake up 4-5 times in the night since I can't seem to stay asleep. The snow plows clearing the mall parking lot at 1:30am on Monday didn't help matters any. 

There is one thing that's kind of pissing me off right now. It's everyone posting beautiful photos on Facebook from their assorted vacations in tropical places. Everyone looks like they're having/had so much fun and the weather and the beaches look so awesome. And I'll admit it. I'm down right jealous. 

Ignoring the fact that I don't have anyone who'd be available to go on said vacation with me, the long and the short of it is that I simply can't afford to go on a tropical vacation. The only time in my adult life that I've got on a real vacation was May 2007, when I went to Vegas for 4 days with my buddy Cam. And I was only able to do that because my Gram had passed away and left me some money, which came with the instructions "Have some fun with it". So I took 75% of it and paid off one of my student loans (no, that wasn't the fun part) and I took what was left and went to Vegas.

One of my co-workers recently said "Travel is totally worth going into debt for". Unfortunately, I can't agree with him. Speaking as someone who's spent the better part of the last 10 years trying to get out of debt, I can't really think of much that's worth being put back into the brutal whole. I can finally kind of see the light at  the end of the tunnel. I keep looking at the money in my investment account and thinking that I could really go on a kick ass vacation with that money. But then I remember why that money's there. It's there so that in 30 years, I can go on that kick ass vacation, every year. I think of spending it and then I'm reminded of what and who I still owe. I think of spending it and then I look around my crappy apartment at all my hand me down and worn out furniture and realize that a new couch is much more practical than a week in Cuba. A new kitchen table and a new arm chair would serve me so much better than a Caribbean Cruise.

Some days I wish I wasn't so responsible. If I wasn't, I'd probably be on a beach somewhere right now. What really frosts my cupcake is watching people who constantly complain about having no money go on said trips ( these are the same people who tell you about their horrible debt in once sentence and then tell you about their new jumbo screen tv/new fully loaded car/new top of the line phone in the next sentence ). I could buy a whole new living room set for less than the cost of a trip to Mexico. No wonder the economy is such a mess and so many people are in debt. No one cares about the consequences anymore. Why bother worrying about your bills when you can just file for personal bankruptcy and sweep it all away? Or so all of the "credit counselling" commercials lead you to believe.

No one takes responsibility anymore. I had not one but two independent financial planners tell me that I was the "perfect" candidate for personal bankruptcy. That kind of surprised me. They didn't try to offer me any advice, any re-payment ideas - nope, take the quick and easy way out and start over.

But I didn't do it. I keep at it and finally managed to find a better solution. I still have to pay back every single cent of my debt, I just managed to be given an opportunity to do it sooner and without my credit rating taking a nose dive. Truthfully, I thought about it but I felt bad at the idea of shirking my responsibilities. I wasn't raised that way. I realize that some people get themselves so far into trouble that that is the only option for them and that's fine. That's what it's there for. That's what it's intended for. 

We're told to live within our means. I get it. I'm doing that and my means aren't that fantastic but it's a work in progress and I know that it will slowly get better, if I just keep at it.

That isn't to say that I don't keep an eye on the travel websites. You never know when an absolute steal of a deal will come along.

But for the time being, I'll just keep plugging away and will look forward to my trip to Montreal in April. It's only a couple of days and it's only 2 hours away but it's a fun change of scenery. The BioDome and Botanical Gardens do feel like you're in a tropical paradise too.

Enough venting for now. I'm going to go and attempt to sleep, if I don't end up maiming my upstairs neighbour first. He's been banging/thumping/dropping crap for the last 5 minutes. No wonder I'm not sleeping well. I really need to move.

Good Night.

Sarah

Attack of the Munchkins

I had a bit of a busy day. I managed to hit up 3 different malls today! I bought my Hallowe'en costume this morning. It's a "sexy witch" outfit. I have to admit, it's a little on the short side. There's a Hallowe'en party that I want to go to (have to win to get in) and if I pull that off, I'll find some fishnet tights to wear under it. When I wear it to work, I'll put on a pair of leggings. Either way, it's a fun costume and I'm looking forward to wearing it. I love Hallowe'en :)

I picked up a new CD today. It's "Transit of Venus" by Three Days Grace. I'll listen to that one tomorrow.

While I was at mall #2 today, I met up with my friend Xtinktor for coffee. His wife and daughter were at a park nearby and after an incident with a man wandering the park naked, so opted to leave the park (after the police showed up and took the man away) and they came to hang out with us. As you know, I'm terrified of children.

So we're sitting there, chatting away, and Xtinkor's daughter (she's 4) starts telling me all about the man in the park who took his clothes off. It was all I could do not to fall over laughing. I understand that the situation wasn't funny from the mom's perspective and I'm sure if I'd been in the same situation, my first worry would be able the child. But hearing about the story second hand from a 4 year old was insanely amusing. She also made me smile when she started to dance to the music from the local shoe store.

Anyhow, after we'd finished and were walking down the mall, something grabbed my hand. I looked down and the munchkin had a hold of me. I'm quite proud of myself for not screaming "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" and jumping around like I had a spider on me or something. I was quite shocked actually. I was surprised that a kid I'd only met a half hour earlier trusted me enough to grab my hand. Most kids that I've met seem quite leery of new people. Not her. LOL. She seems to be quite the free spirit. I didn't panic. I just kept walking as she held my hand and played the "don't step on the lines between the floor tiles" game.

Truthfully, she was quite adorable. I don't know if it's my newly found exposure to babies thanks to my adorable niece and the super cute Baby D or if I really do have some deep seeded maternal instincts but whatever it is, being attacked by the munchkin wasn't so scary. It kind of felt nice.

And she was definitely better behaved than some of the kids that I ran into today. Like the little girl in the women's washroom who kept trying to crawl under the walls of the stalls. Or the 3 that were running loose at the entrance of the magazine store so no one could get in or out. When did parents stop being responsible for their offspring? I wouldn't have never got away doing stuff like that when I was a kid. Xtinktor and his wife did tell their wee one to knock it off when her dancing got a little too wild and she listened. Pretty much everywhere I looked today, there were small kids running amuck. When did this become socially acceptable?? Seriously people, if you're not responsible enough to look after your kids, DON'T HAVE ANY!!

Ok. That's the end of my rant for the day. It's been a good, fun day but now it's time to spend some quality time with my bed and my kick ass soft sheets :)

Good Night!

Sarah

My "fallen angel" costume from 2006