Eyes Open, Wide Awake.

I'm beginning to thing that having a Starbucks grande Caramel Brulee latte this evening was a bad idea. It's 10:40pm and I'm pretty much still wide awake. Actually, I've had a crazy productive day and it feels awesome. And I didn't take my iPod with me when I was out today. Usually I turn it on and tune out the world. I love being able to escape into the music but today I decided I needed a break from my own head and choose to explore without my tunes. It made for an interesting day.

I got 3 loads of laundry done, a whole mess of dishes done, rotated my mattress and changed the bedding, put the laundry away, took the recycling out, did some minimal Christmas shopping and ran a bunch of errands at 2 different malls (by bus no less), made dinner and I'm pretty sure I had a shower somewhere in the middle of all of that. I hope that this productivity runs over into tomorrow. I really want to get my apartment re-organized soon. I don't think the clutter is helping my mood much.

I'd also like to get some baking done :)

Being wide awake today, I noticed/had a few odd things happen. First off is the strange guy who keeps trying to get into our apartment building. One evening last week, he buzzed everyone in the building until some idiot let him in. He then started knocking on random doors asking people if they "knew where the lady with no teeth lived". I was smart and didn't answer my door door when he knocked. So today, someone starts buzzing everyone again. I decided to go downstairs to see who it was as one of my neighbours has been known to accidentally lock herself out while letting her dog out. I get down the stairs and it's the strange guy again. I stopped halfway down the stairs and asked him what he wanted. He said that he lives in 106. Yeah. I don't think so. I've seen the new people from 106 and I'm pretty sure it's a white couple and this is a black dude. So I told him that I didn't know him and I wasn't letting him in and I went back upstairs. I talked to one of me neighbours about him and she mentioned that she'd seen him on a different day too, doing the same thing. I think it's time to talk to building management again and get them to remind the tenants about "stranger danger".

On my way out to the 2nd mall of the day, I passed one of my neighbours on the stairs. He was wearing fuzzy pj bottoms with penguins and was just in sock feet. This isn't too odd but he'd just come in from the garbage room like that. Ewwww. I'd never venture out of my apartment without shoes on and definitely wouldn't go to the garbage room without foot ware.

When I got to mall # 2, I'm walking through the one covered parking area and a guy comes out of the mall, with his iPod on, signing at the top of his voice. LOL. It was quite amusing. He seems oblivious to everyone around him and seemed rather happy. Good on him :)

I also should point that I did not kill the girl on the bus who was using it as her own personal jungle gym. She was swinging from the handles that you use to hang onto when you can't reach a pole. And I didn't bitch slap her mother who was letting her do it either. At one point, she almost fell out the door when she swung too close to the open door. Frankly, I think it would have served her right. All her mom said was "watch out for the door". WTF?? And it was an older kid/mom too. I'd say the mom was in her early 40s and the kid was 10-12. I would have never been allowed to act like that on a public bus when I was a kid, nor would I have tried. I was raised better than that.

I picked up a new book today too. I'm switching from Vampires to Werewolves for a change of pace. And this one is written for grown-ups too. I was reading the first book in the "Game of Thrones" series but I'm finding it really hard to get into and I've been watching the first season on DVD so I already know what happens in the book. I read the first chapter of this book over lunch and it seems pretty good so I'll give it a chance.

It's pretty cool what you see and notice when you really focus on and pay attention to the world around you.

I probably should go and finish making my bed and then maybe I'll curl up and read more of my new book and see if that counter-acts the latte. LOL.

Good Night!

Sarah

Attack of the Munchkins

I had a bit of a busy day. I managed to hit up 3 different malls today! I bought my Hallowe'en costume this morning. It's a "sexy witch" outfit. I have to admit, it's a little on the short side. There's a Hallowe'en party that I want to go to (have to win to get in) and if I pull that off, I'll find some fishnet tights to wear under it. When I wear it to work, I'll put on a pair of leggings. Either way, it's a fun costume and I'm looking forward to wearing it. I love Hallowe'en :)

I picked up a new CD today. It's "Transit of Venus" by Three Days Grace. I'll listen to that one tomorrow.

While I was at mall #2 today, I met up with my friend Xtinktor for coffee. His wife and daughter were at a park nearby and after an incident with a man wandering the park naked, so opted to leave the park (after the police showed up and took the man away) and they came to hang out with us. As you know, I'm terrified of children.

So we're sitting there, chatting away, and Xtinkor's daughter (she's 4) starts telling me all about the man in the park who took his clothes off. It was all I could do not to fall over laughing. I understand that the situation wasn't funny from the mom's perspective and I'm sure if I'd been in the same situation, my first worry would be able the child. But hearing about the story second hand from a 4 year old was insanely amusing. She also made me smile when she started to dance to the music from the local shoe store.

Anyhow, after we'd finished and were walking down the mall, something grabbed my hand. I looked down and the munchkin had a hold of me. I'm quite proud of myself for not screaming "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" and jumping around like I had a spider on me or something. I was quite shocked actually. I was surprised that a kid I'd only met a half hour earlier trusted me enough to grab my hand. Most kids that I've met seem quite leery of new people. Not her. LOL. She seems to be quite the free spirit. I didn't panic. I just kept walking as she held my hand and played the "don't step on the lines between the floor tiles" game.

Truthfully, she was quite adorable. I don't know if it's my newly found exposure to babies thanks to my adorable niece and the super cute Baby D or if I really do have some deep seeded maternal instincts but whatever it is, being attacked by the munchkin wasn't so scary. It kind of felt nice.

And she was definitely better behaved than some of the kids that I ran into today. Like the little girl in the women's washroom who kept trying to crawl under the walls of the stalls. Or the 3 that were running loose at the entrance of the magazine store so no one could get in or out. When did parents stop being responsible for their offspring? I wouldn't have never got away doing stuff like that when I was a kid. Xtinktor and his wife did tell their wee one to knock it off when her dancing got a little too wild and she listened. Pretty much everywhere I looked today, there were small kids running amuck. When did this become socially acceptable?? Seriously people, if you're not responsible enough to look after your kids, DON'T HAVE ANY!!

Ok. That's the end of my rant for the day. It's been a good, fun day but now it's time to spend some quality time with my bed and my kick ass soft sheets :)

Good Night!

Sarah

My "fallen angel" costume from 2006

Young At Heart

Today was an interesting day. It involved someone very old and someone very young.

I went out grocery shopping this afternoon. While waiting for the bus home, an elderly woman at the bus stop started talking to me. Turns out that she's 90 years old. Makes me wonder at one point do people start bragging about their age? Anyhow, she was a very nice and very talkative woman who was clearly enjoying the great weather today. She made me smile and I think she was happy to have someone to talk with.

This evening I went over to visit one of my nearest and dearest friends and her family. Her, her husband and I all met 15 years ago. None of us could believe that's been that long. He husband claims that we all look the same. LOL. I'd like to believe that. It's also were I spent some time with the youngest person today. Their son is just shy of being 4 months old. He's adorable and such a happy baby. He only cried once the entire time I was there and I think that's because he had a bad dream or was hungry. Not sure which. And the crying didn't last long at all. If all babies were as calm and as well behaved as he is, I might re-consider my decision not to have one. Watching my friends interact with him made me smile too. They were definitely meant to be parents.

I still find it very surreal that one of my friends has a baby. It's not that I think they're not ready for one, quite the opposite there, but I don't feel like we're old enough to be having them. Hell, the fact that my brother is a father still boggles my mind and it's been 5 months now. But I have to admit, I don't really feel like I'm a grown up. When I was a teenager, I had an idea in my head about how people in the 30s and 40s were: how they lived and behaved. But I certainly have not become the idea that I had. Maybe I'd feel different if I wasn't on my own. Maybe I wouldn't. Maybe this is how I'm supposed to feel, kind of young at heart. I'm responsible in the fact that I have a job and support myself. I pay my rent and bills, do my own laundry and grocery shopping, but I still listen to loud rock music and love going to concerts. I like staying up late watching movies. I like giggling with my girlfriends. I still buy frivolous items from time to time, like purses, shoes and nail polish ( I own A LOT of nail polish ).

Perhaps keeping a sense of our youth in our hearts is a good thing, something that really does keep us feeling (and possibly looking) young. All I know is that I don't feel as old as my birth certificate says I am and that's a good thing.

Good Night!

Sarah

One of my more silly moments :)

To Breed Or Not To Breed.

It's been a long and busy day today. I was back on Aunt duty this afternoon. My 5 month old niece and 4 year old nephew came over to visit this afternoon. My niece promptly started to cry and my nephew drove his toy car around the living room. I just stood in the middle of the room, shell shocked.

For those who know me well, they know this: I don't like kids. Ok, that's not quite true. It's more like, I don't handle being around children very well. In fact, they fucking scare the crap out of me. Maybe it was all the years of babysitting when I was younger, maybe it's the fact that I've been single forever or maybe it's that I'm too independent and career focused, but whatever the cause, I have no desire to be a mother. Gasp in shock all you will, but I said it and I mean it.

When I reveal this to people, I usually get the response of "But you'd be such a good mom" or "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man.". What the fuck? I'm pretty sure I'd be a good millionaire too but I don't see anyone stepping up to give me a million dollars to test out that theory. And the changing my mind when I meet the right man thing also terrifies me. The thought that my entire life would go ass over tea kettle just because I have a man in it really is a scary idea to me.

As a little girl, I played with dolls and pretended they were a baby. I took a babysitting course when I was 12 and baby-sat on and off through high school. I mothered all the neighbourhood kids since I was the only girl on the block. In highschool, I seemed to be the one everyone turned to for advice and this continued into University. In college, I often felt like a den mother. Maybe I got all the mothering out of my system early and that's why I feel the way I feel? I do recall my biological clock waking up and starting to tick while I was still living in Calgary. Perhaps in an attempt to snooze it, I actually managed to kill it completely? Who knows!

Perhaps the long and the short of it is that I feel that I'm just too fucked up to even contemplate raising a child. I swear there are some weeks where I can barely look after myself let alone another human being. I understand that being a parent is a gift and the most wonderful job in the world. I simply can't see it for myself and I'm happy with that.

What annoys me the most is that a lot of people seem to think that there's something wrong with me when I tell them that I don't want children. Like everything else in life, it's a choice. And I've made my choice.

I have to admit that I'm getting much better with kids now that I have some in my life. I took my nephew to the park. We played on the slides, the swings and the "car" that was in the play ground. My dad walked down and joined us and we had a great time. On the way home, we stopped at the store and I bought him a Popsicle and a sucker and we walked home and managed to get the Popsicles all over the both of us. I'm not sure which one of us was stickier. When my niece woke up from her nap, I was the one to pick her up and of course, she started to scream again. But with some help from my sister-in-law, we got her calmed down and I got to sit and play with my niece for about a half hour. She really is quite adorable. Even when she's screaming. I guess it is different when they're related to you. I do love them all and I did have fun with them, but I was very happy to be able to give them back at the end of the afternoon.

One of my best friends gave birth back in May to an adorable baby boy. I got to meet him and hold him when he was only a day old. That was insanely scary for me but very cool at the same time. And I was alright with that. While I am going to (and sort of already am) miss the relationship I had with his mom before he came along, I am extremely happy for her and her husband and will support her in any way I can. I have another good friend who really wants a baby too and can't wait until she's in a position to have one. I guess with all of these new children in and around my life, I really should word on getting more used to kids :)

Maybe I'm so mature and independent that I've forgotten what it's like to be a kid or how to be a kid for that matter. I don't know. But I do know that the more time I spend with them, the more I'm relaxing around them and am becoming less afraid.

None of us know what the future holds. While I don't foresee children in mine, I'm not going to say never. Too many strange things happen. But it will sure come as a mighty fucking shock to me if children do end up in my future. Maybe one day I'll look back on this blog and laugh my ass off at it. Or maybe I'll still be agreeing with it 10 years from now.

Either way, I am very happy and blessed to be an Aunt. I like this role and embrace it with an open heart. I just don't ever plan on embracing the role of "Mom" and I'm quite alright with that.

Good Night!

Sarah

Another flower from mom's garden!