Gyms and Whitesnake

Last winter, during my blog hiatus, I had a minor crisis occur in my little world. My gym, quite abruptly, closed.

Ok, I know this sounds like no big deal and in the greater scheme of things, it isn't, but to my little world at the time, it was a huge deal.

I'd been going to the gym for over a year at that point. Which was a pretty big deal for me. I'd finally found a place and a routine that worked for me. Somewhere I was comfortable. But one day in February, I showed up for my after work workout to find a note on the ground floor saying that effective immediately, the place was closed. The poor staff were blind sided too. I was stunned. And very upset. I even cried a little. You see, this wasn't just some gym. It was a life line. Even now, sitting here writing this, it's upsetting me again and I have tears in my eyes.

The exercise was helping to keep my mood in check during the winter, helping me to keep my inner demons in check and securely locked away. I made friends there. I'd see the same people during my work outs and became invested in their lives and their progress. The coaches were our cheerleaders. We laughed together. It wasn't just some gym where you went in, put your head down, did your workout and left. People noticed when I wasn't there. People were genuinely invested in how I was doing and how I was progressing. And just like that, it was all gone. Poof. I actually felt like someone had died. I grieved the loss. And truthfully, I was terrified. I was at a complete loss as to what I was going to do. I couldn't switch to another location because there wasn't one close enough to my home or work to make it viable. I seriously didn't know what I was going to do. Didn't know how I was going to cope.

About a month later, my friend MA convinced me to try an aquafit class at her gym. I've taken one before and I like swimming so I gave it a try. I liked it. So I signed up. For roughly 9 months, I've been going to aquafit. At first it was 3 times a week and then it dropped to twice a week. We did try adding in a floor class to fill up that 3rd day but couldn't find one we liked or were comfortable with. By the end of November, I think I was making it to 1 class a week and as of today, I haven't been to a class since mid-December. I've lost all desire to get in that pool. Part of that is the fact that I don't like standing in -20C weather, with semi wet hair, waiting for a bus after the class. It's a welcome change in the summer but in the winter, it sucks.

Between December 2014 and now, I've managed to gain roughly 25lbs. I've never been bigger in my life than I am right now. This isn't good. It's bad. Very, very bad. I've stopped going places, I've stopped seeing people because I'm embarrassed. Hell, even my 3 year old niece called me out at Christmas (totally adorable "out of the mouths of babes" moment, which I actually laughed at). I'm not comfortable in my own skin at the moment, and that hurts.

Don't get me wrong, I still have self respect and dignity and will put anyone in their place should they dare say anything negative me about my weight but at the same time, I've very aware and conscious of the fact that I'm slowly killing myself.

Today I took a tiny step to try to fix things. Well, actually I took the step last Friday, they just didn't have any spots open until today. All those friggin' New Year's Resolution people taking up the prime spots. Bastards. LOL. Anyhow, I signed up for an orientation session at my new gym. Hell, I've been there for almost a year now so I guess it's high time that I figure out how to use something more than the pool eh?

A personal trainer takes us around the gym and shows us what to use and how to use it. It was an hour long session with 3 of us and the trainer. He gave us a basic and rather simple follow plan. It's doable. 5 minutes of warm up on a cardio machine followed by 4 machines and then 2 strength exercises done on the floor, with 10-20 minutes of cardio to end it off. The trainer recommended that we do the cardio part 5-6 days a week and add the weights in for 3 of the days. I managed not to laugh in his face.  I only had a hard time on one of the machines. I have to give the trainer props here. He looked at me and said that he had an alternate for me as he didn't think this particular machine wouldn't be effective for me. He wrote the other suggestion on my sheet, wrote down the name of a website where I can find a tutorial on how to do it and gave me his card so that I can email him and let him know when I'd be in the gym so he could come and see me and show me how to do it as well. Well then.

I was anxious before the session and I felt a sense of trepidation walking into the gym but I made it through the session and then stayed to do some walking on the treadmill. I then ended up doing a whole boat load more walking while I ran errands and got groceries and I've been hobbling around my apartment all afternoon/evening but that's a whole other story. My previous gym was a women's only thing. And there weren't any mirrors in the gym. This one is co-ed and there are mirrors all over the damn place. This is one of the times/places that I want to be invisible. I'm ok with a trainer watching me but I don't like others being able to do so and I sure as shit don't want to be able to see myself when I'm working out either.

But I guess I'm just going to have to get over that eh? Now I have an entire day ahead of me to psych myself up to attempt this on my own Monday after work. Cue Whitesnake.... :) (bonus points to anyone who gets that reference).

Sigh. This should be interesting........God help me!!

Good Night!

Sarah

"Venus in Front of the Mirror" - Peter Paul Rubens

Down 2 and Up 10,000

Guess what? At some point in the last week, my lowly little blog cracked 10,000 page views. That's kind of awesome. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't believe anyone actually reads my ramblings. I still can't get over how much writing this blog has helped me. It's funny how something so simple can be so effective. I'm truly looking forward to the next 10,000 page views milestone.

Anyhow....It's been a crazy week at the office and it's been a short week too since I had Monday off. For some odd reason, short weeks seem to feel long. I dunno. Maybe it's our desire to get back to the weekend again. I started my new position on Monday. It hasn't been a totally smooth transition as I'm still doing some of the old duties until the new person is fully equipped and up and running. I've been kept rather busy with my new tasks though, so that's good. Keeps me out of trouble that way. My boss reminded me to look into the available training sessions and let him know which ones I'd like to take and if there were any other tools that I feel that I need in order to become an expert with my new position. Sounds like a good idea.

I survived another week of Curves. I even got off my duff and went to the gym on my day odd. Braved the snow/sleet to do so too. I felt pretty great about it when I got home too. As a result of not being at my home club on Monday, we moved my weigh in day to Wednesday. The scale was kind. I lost 2lbs! So I'm down a total of 6.5 in my first 2 weeks. I'm quite happy with those numbers. I just have to keep an eye on the eating plan portion and try not to slide too much. I'm supposed to go out for lunch tomorrow so I'll have to work that into my day. I'm on a quest to find more healthy recipes to try out. Which just gives me a good excuse to kill entire evenings on Pinterest (like I need an excuse). That makes me happy.

While in the grocery store earlier this week, I couldn't help but notice how odd and strange some of the so called "healthy" foods are. I swear to god that I thought they were selling a bag of bird seed in the cereal aisle. I had to actually pick it up and read the label to confirm that it wasn't actually bird seed. It was some sort of muesli or granola. I dunno. It still looked an awful lot like the wild bird seed mix that I get to put on my balcony. It also baffles me as to how expensive 'healthy' food is. For example, 355ml bottles of Pomegranate juice are on 2/$5. Meanwhile, 2L bottles of pop are on 4/$5. Apples are $1.89lb (so maybe 4 apples) where as big bags of photo chips are 2/$3. Sigh. I'm getting low on peanut butter too. I really need that to go on sale soon. The hard part for me is working more vegetables into my meals. I'm kind of a picky eater when it comes to veggies. I only really like a select few: broccoli, cauliflower, raw carrots, mushrooms (cooked), turnip(rutabaga) and brussel sprouts. The turnip that I like is counted as a starch on my meal plan so I can't go hog wild with it. I'm on the fence with cabbage and cucumbers. Some days I like them and some days I don't. I guess the same could be said for celery. I'm not a fan of it cooked though. I'm going to have to get creative.


Maybe while I'm looking for recipes on Pinterest, I'll find some good gift ideas for my parents. I'm struggling to find something to get them and my mother isn't being overly helpful. I ask for a list and my mom gave me 2 items. I told that that didn't count as a list. Sigh. Yes, I know that the spirit and meaning of Christmas isn't about presents and material items. It's just that they give me so much through out the year that I'd like to be able to give them a little something back. To show them how much I love them and appreciate all that they do for me. My Christmas holidays are a month and 6 days away (not that I'm counting).

I need to go and get ready for bed. I work up at 4:21 this morning, got up and went pee, came back to bed and then couldn't sleep. I think I drifted off for about 15 minutes between then and when the alarm went off at 6. It was brutal. I'm hoping that a repeat doesn't occur this evening.

Good Night!

Sarah

Smiling on a sunny day!

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch....

I. AM. IN. PAIN. Seriously. Everything hurts. Even sitting upright hurts because you engage your abs to do so and those fuckers hurt the most. Standing waiting for the bus hurt. Walking from my bus stop to my house hurt. I don't think we ever fully appreciate how we use our muscles until we've done something to make them hurt. It was a hard workout today so that's why I'm in pain tonight.

My first weigh in was on Monday. It went well. I'm down 4.25lbs. Thank god. It was a rough week. Trying to completely overhaul your way of life is exhausting. And expensive. Healthy food really does seem to cost more and I need to buy new runners soon. Sigh. It's all worth it though, right?

Things at work have been going well. It's been busy but not crazy. I've been given a new set of responsibilities thanks to even more changes at the office but I'm cautiously optimistic about them. Change is a fact of life. I need to make peace with that sooner or later. And sooner is most likely the best option. I'm also working with one of our newer employees on planning our office holiday party. It's been fun and is a nice distraction from the regular routine of the office.

I'm back to the gym on Friday and I can't say I'm looking forward to it. LOL. Hopefully some of the sore muscles calm down a bit before then. Especially since I'm meeting up with someone for coffee after the gym on Friday. I need to be in one piece and functioning! Keep your fingers crossed.

Ok, I'm limping away from the computer now. I can hear my bed calling me from the other room. Sometimes I wish I could stay there all day. But I guess that's what the weekend's for!!

Good Night!

Sarah

I bet a few of those would make the pain go away....LOL!

CONTROL!!!!!!! (And yes, I'm back)

I know. I haven't been blogging lately. It's not that I haven't had anything on my mind, it's more that I've had too much on my mind and I need the time to figure it out and process it myself. And I have to admit. Sometimes I feel very stupid sharing my miscellaneous ramblings because I don't think they make sense.

Anyhow, a lot has happened.

For starters, I found some sort of inner courage and along with 2 friends, I went out to a meet and greet event. Which lead to me meeting and greeting some people. This then lead to a coffee outing with one said person which turned out to be a very interesting and very enlightening event. Yes, it was a male and no, there weren't any sparks. But he's an interesting fellow who reminds me of someone I used to know. My little foray into the social world also lead to my first real date in 3 years. That was an adventure onto itself, which involved running into my ex (I don't think he saw me) and some verbal sparring over our own take on the world. Don't get your hopes up folks, I don't see this going anywhere. I'll keep you posted.

I took some time off and went home for Thanksgiving. I got to spend some awesome quality time with my parents, a short visit with my great aunt and uncle and my grandparents and I got to see my completely adorable niece. And my brother too. My niece is just starting to talk. I really do wish I could see her and talk to her more often. She really has no idea who I am. Thankfully she didn't run screaming from me so that's a major plus. The time off was great. I really needed it.

Work has been very stressful for the past few months. Why? It's been nothing but change. A new regime has taken over and are shaping our office to their vision. I've always been the type of person who's resistant to change but I've gotten much better working where I do. Change is an ever present constant in our place of work and I think I've done a pretty good job of adjusting to it. But there's just been so much change lately and it's happened so fast that I'm not sure what to make of all of it. And yeah, some of it's affecting me directly. My role will be changing. My responsibilities will be changing. And God's honest truth, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. I was angry about it for a little bit but that's subsided for the most part. Now I'm cautiously optimistic about it. Let's face it, it's the new management's purgative to make whatever changes they want and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it, so why should I stress out? I'm still employed. I'm still at the same level and pay grade. I'll still be doing some of what I do now plus some new tasks. And I have no control over it. So I just need to let it go. Roll with the punches. I need to focus on the things that I can control. Just like what my mom told me this morning: "Take it easy and don't stress out about things that you have no control over."

Sage advice if you ask me. Which leads me to what I got up to after work today... earlier this month, Steph and I went to the Women's Show. Had a blast, got a lot of free stuff, including me winning a 1 month membership to Curves. For those of you who don't know, Curves is an exercise facility designed for women only. I've been a big girl all my life. Call me plus-sized or full-figured or even obese (because clinically, I am) but just don't call me Fat. Fat is a substance, not a state of being. It's like me calling someone Jello. You can't be Jello any more than I can be Fat. Anyhow, lately my size has been bothering me. I'm not comfortable in my own skin anymore. A few weeks back I pulled a muscle in my back while trying to do up my bra. Not good. That's worse than the time I pulled the muscle in my neck by sneezing. I haven't been sleeping well. I've been fighting with my clothes because even my looser items are starting to get tight and I think I look like I'm stuffed sausage half the time when I go out. My weight has stopped me from enjoying some things that I like to do. So I knew that the time had come to make a real effort to change things. To get healthy. I love myself. And it's because I love myself that I know that I need to do this. I don't want to get type 2 diabetes. I don't want to increase my risk of heart disease or stroke or cancer. There's enough stuff in this world that can kill me. I don't want to be deliberately taking away my longevity by continuing on with the lifestyle I'm currently leading. I'm really good at failing. I've done it a lot. I know how to do it and am pretty darn good at it. But I've never really tried to fail at failing. So perhaps it's time I gave that whirl. I'm well aware that this endeavour isn't going to be an easy one. I'm sure it's going to be very difficult. And most likely painful. But all the the things in life worth doing are seldom easy. I have a plan. I have the means. I have the mind set. So let's do this. Let me actually control something I have some control over!

My first workout is tomorrow. I'll be sure to blog out that misadventure, providing I can lift my arms high enough to type. LOL.

Good Night!

Sarah

Really has nothing to do with the blog, I just like the duckies :)

Nobody Said It Was Easy

I'm very happy to report that the bake sale was a hit. I'll know just how big of a hit sometime tomorrow morning once I can do a final count.

I really don't have much to say tonight. Instead, I'm going to let someone else do all the talking. I'm sure most people have seen this clip already. It's all over Facebook and Twitter. I've watched it a few times myself. It's one of the things that has been rolling around in my head all week. I personally think that we need more role models like her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIwBwJzl5eI&feature=youtu.be

Good Night.

Sarah