Day 10 - Jujubes and the first robin of spring

Ten days down. No one knows how many to go or if someone does, they sure aren't saying.

Work was pretty quiet today though I did have a small research project to do this morning and managed to get it done. m

The weather cooperated and warmed up today and we even saw the sun for a bit. Kristina stopped by over the lunch hour so I had a walking buddy today. We saw a male cardinal and heard a couple cardinals signing away. On the way back, we saw a cat on one of the pathways. At first we thought the man in front of the cat was walking it but no, the cat was just following him. It eventaully lost interest and came back up onto the same path we were on. When we got to the end of the path, there was a very vocal and pissed off squirrel in one of the trees. I suspect that the cat was the reason for its displeasure. That's also where I saw my first robin of the spring! I've heard them a coupel of different evenings over the last week or so but haven't been able to see one. Until today. I'm rather pleased abot that. It was in a bush when I first saw it and then it hopped down and was flipping leaves over, looking for worms and bugs. It was funny to watch. It was nice to get out and stretch my legs, get fresh air into my lungs and speak to a human in person!

My eagle eyes spotted him hopping in the bushes!

Before all that, I attempted to use the video call feature on Facebook to chat with my mom. Took three tries but we got it!!! Apparently the call kept ringing on my dad's tablet and my mom was going to throw it out the window to make it stop. LOL. It was nice seeing them though my mom was mean and showed me the big bag of jujubes that she's been holding onto for me. I'll hopefully see them both in person soon and can finally collect my jujubes.

I spent a lot of my free time today reading. I was really getting close to the end of my book and I wanted to finish it. I'm reading the Outlander series. I had started by watching the TV show but once I was told that the books were better, I switched to the books. Halfway through the second book, I caught up to where I left off with the TV show. Now I can finish watching the second season of the show! I also have to start reading the third book to see when and where Claire and Jamie reunite!!!!

All in all, today was a much better day. Last night's blog was cathartic I think and getting some of my thoughts out of my head made me feel lighter. I slept a little better too. Tomorrow is my Friday as I had one "use it or lose it" leave day left so I decided to use it. No friggin' clue what I'm going to do with my day since I can't really do much. Perhaps I'll go on a grocery run. The weather's supposed to be nice so a walk is definately in order. Maybe I'll bake something. Who knows. I'll figure something out.

“I will find you," he whispered in my ear. "I promise. If I must endure two hundred years of purgatory, two hundred years without you - then that is my punishment, which I have earned for my crimes. For I have lied, and killed, and stolen; betrayed and broken trust. But there is the one thing that shall lie in the balance. When I shall stand before God, I shall have one thing to say, to weigh against the rest."

His voice dropped, nearly to a whisper, and his arms tightened around me.

Lord, ye gave me a rare woman, and God! I loved her well.” ― Diana Gabaldon, Dragonfly in Amber

Days 7,8 and 9 - Three for the price of one

I didn't blog last night or the night before. I was too tired and quite frankly, feeling too depressed to bother.

Sunday was the worst day yet. I had no desire to do anything. I didn't even feel like eating (which has it's pros and cons for me). Nothing would hold my interest. I tried watching movies and would lose inerest afer five minutes. Tried reading and would lose interest after a page or two. The highlight of my day was feed peanuts to a squirrel while I sat on my balcony. I'd toss one down to it. It would run into the tree and sit on branch and eat the peanut and then come back down the tree looking for more. It was really cute.

Yesterday I was back at work...from my home office (aka, kitchen table). It was a busy enough day and it kept me occupied.

I was taken to remark yesterday afternoon, that I was surprised by which one of my demons has decided to surface during this time of uncertainty. If someone had asked me to bet on which one would come out to play, my money would have been on my anxiety. Given all the unknows and such, I should be anxious as hell right now, but I'm not. I'm actually quite calm. I think my brain has decided that the situation is what it is, and there's noting we can do to change it, so just sitting back and relaxing is the way to go. I've got food, I've got cleaning supplies (even if my Windex was hiding on my today), I've got toilet paper. I'm ok. So my anxiety is staying at bay. It's my depression that's hanging around. Normally, this time of year, my "winter blues" (seasonal depression) is waning. I feel better and happier. More energetic. But not this time. Not right now.

I think part of the issue is that I'm actually grieving. While no one died, I did suffer a couple of losses thanks to Covid. I didn't get to visit with my parents (whom I haven't seen since late December) and my knee didn't get fixed. Which has a spiraling effect. I was looking foward to being about to get out and walk again, enjoy the warmer spring temps. I was stating to look ahead to the summer and try to decide where I want to go for holidays, who I wanted to visit. That's all gone now.  There's no point in me travelling anywhere as I can only walk for about 10 minutes before I need to stop. Literally every step I take is painful. I think I'm still greiving the loss of what was supposed to be a return of my freedome.

I am taking some comfort in the fact that there's a reason for my depression for once. Usually there's no rhyme or reason to it but this time, I think I can pin point a reason or two.  And I know that the Universe isn't picking on me, so this isn't a "why me" situation. But it still sucks. And it still hurts. More importantly, I'll allowed to feel this way. Looks like I need to process the grief in order to feel better rather than hoping that the sunshine will just improve my mood. For the record, the nice weather does help. So does feeding the squirrels.

Today was a better day, largely due to the fact that I didn't actually start working until almost 11am. Our system was down this morning and no one could log in remotely. So I used the time to start clearning my bathroom. I think it was a very good use of my time! I made tacos for dinner tonight since it's #tacotuesday. LOL. I still didn't venture out but I did sit on my balcony, twice today, and enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air. I really does help.

Mmmm, tacos

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." - William Shakespeare.

Day 4 - Not as bad but getting bored and Happy Spring!

I'm currently fighting the urge to not attack my neighbour. She's on her balcony, having a phone conversation on speaker phone. I'm inside my apartment. Not only can I hear her, I can hear the person on the phone. What the hell is wrong with people? Do you think you're the only one who lives here? Do you not realize that all nine units on our side of the building can hear you? Geez.

Anyhow, I think today was better. This morning my co-worker and I figured out the video chat feature on the new program that work set everyone up with, so that was awesome. We go to see one and other. At lunch, a friend stopped by on her way home so that we could go for a walk. I met her outside and we went for a nice walk and chatted away. Having some actualy human interaction was great. Plus it was nice to get out in the fresh air again too.  We made sure to follow the social distancing rules, even though I would have loved to have given her a big. We only passed three other people on our walk. Everyone smiled and said hi. We also nearly got run over by two squirrels who were having quite the fight.

The only "spring" filter I could find.

With my boss being back, there were more emails to deal with this afternoon so it was good to have a productive go of it. I finished off my afternoon talking to my Aunt and Uncle who live in Thunder Bay. It was snowing there but not here, so that's a win for me! (Sorry Heather).

I had a disappointing dinner of "taste like frost burn" turkey burgers (didn't end up eating it) and just sat and watched re-runs on tv. I'm tired tonight. I haven't slept well the last couple of nights so I'm hoping I'll make up for that this evening.

I watched significantly less news today too. Maybe that helped as well. It was heartbreaking to see that Italy has surpassed China for most deaths from this virus but it was reassuring to see that no new cases were reported in Wuhan Province, China today.

While trading comments on FB with a friend, I realized what's bothering my the most about all of this. It's the uncertainty. The not knowing where the end is. Once I made the decision to get surgery to fix my knee, I was anxious. The day I got my surgery date, I calmed down. I had something to focus on. My end goal. I knew how many days I had to make it through. And that's what I focused on. It helped to ground me. I no longer have that surgery date and no one can tell us how long it's going to be until things return to the way they were. Until we can go out and be social creatures again. That's the part that's hard for me. No end point to focus on.

So, I've decided to focus on getting through each day. My nightly blog will be my "focus point". Make it through the hours until it's time to blog again and then go to bed.

Tomorrow or Saturday, I need to venture out for supplies. My bread went moldy today :(

Today is also the first day of Spring.  It's not set to arrive officially until 11:50 EDT but it's here. It's also the earliest that Spring has arrived in 124 years. So that's special. As if to understand what's going on, we have a risk of thunderstorms tonight and into tomorrow. And because it's Canada, our temperature is supposed to change 26 degrees beween the daytime high and the overnight low tomorrow. +15 to -11. Fun times. Going to be a wind one!

"In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours" - Mark Twain

True Patriot Love

Life is full of little ironies. Like the fact that I'm sitting here, scrolling through Pinterest in search of "healthy" meals while making my way through a small pile of Hallowe'en candy minis and am pouting because I just dropped 2 M&Ms on the floor (you only get like 10 total in a pack!). I think it's time to lay off them though as I'm beginning to feel ill. It's been a rough week and I'm PMSing to boot (explains the Hallowe'en candy, doesn't it?).

I started a new job this week. Change and I are old foes but we're reached a truce over the last few years so the transition into my new place of work wasn't as traumatic as it would have been say, 2 years ago. It was both exciting and frightening at the same time. My new work environment is drastically different than my previous one. For starters, I am now one of the "younger" employees in my office. Previously, I was somewhere in the "middle to older" range. My new office has an 80 year old. In my previous office, I knew the names (and faces) of all 191 staff members. There's something like 178 people in my new office, spread out over 4 floors. As of today, I can recall the names and faces of 10 people and two of them have the same first name so I only have to remember that name once. The bathrooms are much better though. There's actual ventilation in these ones. Not once this week have I walked into the washroom and thought to myself "OMG, what died in here". At my previous place of work, that was almost a daily occurrence. And the people in my new office don't eat lunch together. Almost everyone goes to the food court to buy lunch and then they eat at their desks. I'm a much more social creature than that. My goal for next week is to find a lunch buddy.

I did get to know some of my new co-workers a little better on Wednesday though. My building was put on lock-down until 5:30pm after a fucked-up idiot shot and killed an honour guard and shot and wounded an un-armed guard while running around part of downtown Ottawa and Parliament Hill.  It was a home-grown terror attack. In my city. And all I keep thinking is: "How dare he".

Ottawa has a population of just shy of 900,000 people. Before Wednesday's tragic turn of events, Ottawa only had 4 murders on record for the year. That's it. Take Calgary for example. They have just over 1 million people and have had 24 murders so far this year. A lot of people are under the misconception that Ottawa is a boring city. I think we get a bad wrap because we're a government town and all the cool bands forget about us and are drawn to the flashier cities like Montreal and Toronto. But we are fun. We're a perfect mix of big city and small town. Want to get in some culture? We've got museums and the National Arts Centre. Want sports? We've got NHL, CFL and 3 post-secondary schools with great athletics teams. Want something more small town? We have one of the biggest, permanent Farmer's Markets in the country not to mention dozens and dozens of small towns all within a half hour drive from the downtown core. In my mind, it's a perfect city.

Or it was, until Wednesday. I've lived here for a grand total of 13 years. Wednesday is the very first time I've ever questioned my safety here. It's the very first time I haven't felt safe in my own city. And that is a sickening feeling. When I left work that day, I walked a little faster. I paid more attention to my surroundings and more to the point, I paid a lot more attention to the people around me. The man responsible for carrying out the attack on Ottawa wasn't an immigrant. He wasn't some bitter transplant from another country. He was born here. He was raised here. He was a Canadian. And that upsets me so much more than if it had been someone from some where else. He had the opportunity to grow up in this amazing country. He got to experience what freedom and democracy are. He lived in a country that had great social services and access to things like doctors, dentists, specialists etc... without huge price tags. And yet, somehow, he got it in his head that the Canada that I know and love isn't the amazing country that the rest of us know it is. He decided that he needed to attack it. And that's the part that hurts the most. 

Yes, we're not the global "boy scouts" that we were once known as being. Over the last couple of decades, we've taken on a much more aggressive role on the world's stage than the peacekeeping role we were once known for, but I think we're still a peaceful nation at heart. We all have to stand up for ourselves and stand up for those who can't look after themselves, right? I'm not going to get into whether or not I think our troops should be over dropping missiles on militants on the other side of the world but I am going to say that despite everything that has happened this week, I have never been prouder to be a Canadian.

I was going to have lunch in our food court today, but I decided that the weather was too nice to hide indoors. I also needed the chance to walk around my city again and to be reminded that it is still a safe place to live. My office is on the opposite side of Parliament from where the attack took place, so things are calmer in my area. My walk at lunch was a peaceful one. I enjoyed seeing all the other people out and about, doing the same thing that I was doing: enjoying the nice weather and our collective freedom. 

To the two soldiers that lost their lives this week, Patrice Vincent and Nathan Cirillo - thank you both for your dedication and service to Canada. And to their families - my deepest sympathies and condolences.

It's time for our country to pick itself up, dust ourselves off and show the world that we are still the true north strong and free and that this country is full of millions and millions of people who are very proud to call ourselves Canadian. 

Good Night.

Sarah

Canadian War Memorial in August 2014

                               

All That I Am Thankful For

Today is Thanksgiving so it only seems fitting that I take a moment to look back and reflect on things and thank the universe for the plethora of things that I have to be thankful for. 

I spent Thanksgiving on my own this year, completely by choice. I had several invitations to dine with others or head home but I opted to decline them all. I know what some people might think. Why would I willing opt to spend Thanksgiving alone when some people out there would give anything to not be alone today. Well that's one of the things I'm thankful for - that I have the choice.

Given the stress, anxiety and emotional roller coaster that the past month has been, I needed time to myself to decompress, relax and re-focus. I also wanted to save my remaining holiday days for Christmas. Yes I miss my family terribly and would have loved to have spent the weekend with them, but I fear that I wouldn't have been much fun to be around as I'm kind of stuck inside my own head at the moment. And my decision to stay here saved me from what has been described at "horrible" gravy.

Anyhow, I cleaned and did laundry today and I cooked and baked. I made cookies this morning (thank god I only made 1 dozen because I nearly ate them all) and then I made an apple pie and cooked a Prime Rib roast to perfection. So there are two more things I'm thankful for - that I can afford groceries (granted prime rib is a rarity and only when on sale) and that I know how to cook and bake for myself and that I like to do so. I guess that's 3 things to be thankful for.

I spent some time sitting on my balcony this afternoon (thankful for a warm fall) and watched the chickadees eat sun flower seeds and watched some orange ladybug fly around and climb on the balcony (and me for a bit too). It was very nice to just spend a few moments doing something so simple yet something that made me smile. So I am thankful for the simple pleasures in life.

I texted with a very great friend who lives very far from me for a while this afternoon and heard about the adventures of her day and what the week holds in store for her family. So that made me thankful for the technology to so seamlessly communicate with someone 2 provinces away. And it made me thankful to have someone as wonderful as her in my life. I am thankful that I have a set of friends that let me be myself. Even when I'm at my worst, I know I have a few strong souls to depend upon. And for that I am thankful.

A 3 year, 8 month and 1 day voyage will be coming to an end this week. For all that it's taught me and for all the great people I've met along the way, I am thankful and I am most certainly thankful for the new adventure that lies ahead. I'm hopeful for that one too.

And most importantly of all, I am thankful for my cheering section back in Southern Ontario. My family, especially my parents. It's funny. Some days I think that they don't get me or understand me at all, yet that never seems to stop them from giving me their 100% support and having my back no matter what I decide to do. Not only am I thankful for them, but I'm blessed to have them too. 

Now it's time for me to head to bed. I have a very long short week ahead of me. I need to figure out how to impart 3 years, 8 months and 1 day's worth of knowledge and wisdom onto someone else. And clean off my desk........

Good Night and Happy Thanksgiving!

Sarah

My Mom's fall mums from 2011

Lunar Eclipse and Horoscopes.

I like to read my horoscope every day. Not because I 100% believe it, but to use it as a kind of compass to guide my day. Sometimes it's pretty true to my situation and other days it's completely out in left field. The one that appeared in the local free daily on Monday was so accurate, it gives me chills. It said:

"According to the planets you have reached the end of one particular road and what happens in the run-up to Wednesday’s eclipse will point you in a new direction. After that it’s up to you. What’s holding you back? Absolutely nothing."


Long story short, there was indeed a total lunar eclipse this morning. And I signed a contract for a new job this afternoon, which is taking me down a new road as I'm changing departments all together. The new job is also a permanent one, rather than the term to term one that I'm currently in. It's also a higher level of responsibility (and pay!).

I was offered the job 2 weeks ago - on the new moon. I'll be starting the job 2 days shy of the next new moon so I think that's pretty close.

This has been a long time coming. I applied for it nearly a year ago. Career wise, this is the first move I've made that was 100% intentional. Most of my previous jobs have come along by luck or accident. This was a very deliberate action. I am thrilled. I really am. I'm very excited (and a little nervous) about this next adventure.

It's kind of funny. I'm someone who doesn't really like change. I like to be comfortable and routine is that for me. But it also makes me complacent. Which isn't good. So by actively seeking out change, I actually found it. And am welcoming it. Evening looking forward to it. My inner warrior is happy. So very, very happy.

Makes me wonder what other things I can accomplish if I decide to go for them and invite change into my life.....

Good Night!

Sarah

Pick a path....

You're Such A Positive Person

It's been a very rough week. And we're only half way through. I haven't been feeling so hot. Last night was really bad and I spent the day in a fog, concentrating very hard on holding it together.

Maybe it's the early cold weather that we've had. Or perhaps is the abundance of alone time I've had of late. Two weekends in a row plans went askew/off the rails and I ended up flying solo, which isn't anything new for me. It just sucks when I actually make plans and start to look forward to some human contact and conversation and then end up on my own anyhow. Or maybe it's the reminder/realization that I really am on my own here. It's just me. I am not a priority in anyone's world, except my own. Maybe one day that will change, and I think I'd really like that, but for now, it's my reality. I'm always the one asking other people to do stuff. I can't recall the last time someone approached me and invited me to do something. Unless you count my new boss. She invited me to do a 5k walk with her at 7am on Sunday. I think she was mostly kidding though as she was trying to find a way out of it. It just really sucks that people mean more to me than I mean to them. Actually, it doesn't suck. It hurts. 

Anyhow, it was a rough day. I didn't sleep well last night. I was late getting up, late getting moving. Got to work and had multiple items thrown at me right of the get go. That part actually helped. It distracted me for a bit. Let me get outside my own head for a while. It was a nice change of scenery. I did go for a walk at lunch and that felt good. The fresh air on my face helped to wake me up a bit more and just being away from the office made my soul feel better for a while. My afternoon was ok until about 3pm when I started having dizzy spells and my head felt tight, like it was in a vice. Brutal. Don't know if was a stress issue, or I'm coming down with something or low blood sugar or pressure. Who knows. All I know is that I felt like crap. All I wanted to do was go home. But some co-workers needed help and I soldiered on.

I was just getting ready to leave work when one of our officers started talking to me and asking for some information. So we got into a discussion. Said officer actually said some very complimentary things to me about my work and hopes for my future, then they said something that almost made me burst out laughing/break down crying. They said "You're such an optimistic person". I'm standing there, feeling like crap. I'm exhausted from holding it together all day, having been on the verge of tears about 6 times that day, cried myself to sleep the night before and they're standing there telling me how optimistic I am.

The Universe really loves throwing stuff like that at me. I found it funny and sad all at the same time. I guess this means I was doing a good job of not letting it show how miserable I was today. I hate feeling like this. But I've been through it enough times now to just sit back and let it get out of my system. Give myself a day to wallow and then slowly pick myself up, dust myself off and start putting one foot in front of the other again.

Tomorrow will be a new day. Hopefully the sun will be out and the black cloud hanging around me will start to sail away. So long as I have hope, I have something going for me.

Now it's time to go and hopefully have a full and restful night's sleep.

Good Night

Sarah

Searching For A Stress-Free Job

We're only two days into the week and it seems like it's been a long week already. LOL. Work's been one issue after another. Lots of fun there. I've been crazy tired at home too. I keep waking up in the night and worrying about stuff that still needs to be done at work. Sigh. My nightly mantra is "stop worrying about work." One night I might listen to myself. Things are slowly coming together so I'm hoping the worry will leave soon too. Some days I wish I had the kind of job where I simply forgot about it when I walked out the door at the end of the day. No stressing. No worrying. Maybe if I win it big in the lottery I can find a job like that. Everyone knocks working in retail. I kind of liked it. I didn't like the sore feet from standing around all day but I liked the staff discount and getting to talk to people and the whole 'when you leave work, you leave work behind you' thing. Sadly, I can't afford to live on a retail salary, especially if I keep buying stuff from the store where I work. Working in a book store would be cool but I'd spend all my money at work and I've already run out of room for the books that I already own. That would present a major problem. I think it might be fun to be a chef too, so long as someone else did all the dishes.
Being a dog walker would be cool too. Unless one of the dogs ran away. That would be stressful. And I don't think I'd like to walk them in the winter. I hate winter. I hibernate in winter.
Maybe I could get a job as a personal shopper! Then I'd get to shop but spend someone else's money. Only downside is that I don't get to keep anything that I buy. That would be a bummer.
Ironically, my dream job is to be the Governor General of Canada. I'm guessing that job comes with a fair bit of stress. But then again, you could always pass all of your work off to someone else. Hmmm. Something to think about. I need to start getting in friendly with the Prime Ministers if I want to be GG for Canada.
Or maybe I just need to win it really, really big in the lottery and then I don't have to worry about working at all......

Eyes are closing.

Good Night!

Sarah

Told You So and Mystery Chicken

It was an interesting day today. It was one of those "hit the ground running" kind of day. Thankfully, there were no major fires in my little bubble but there was a big one burning away with the big project. And I knew there would be. I called it. Weeks ago in fact. And I had a very opportune "I told you so" moment, but, alas, I opted for the moral high ground and kept my mouth shut.

I wasn't being a neigh sayer by any means. And this wasn't me being negative. I was being quite realistic. You see, I've done 3 previous projects that were very similar to this one. And there were issues with each and every one of them. And this time around, we had 2 newbies working on it and one not so bright coordinator over in group in charge of projects like this. So I'm pretty sure it was doomed from the start. Add in the fact that my previous (and very disliked) supervisor was the one originally in charge of it for our office and it was definitely doomed. But cooler heads prevailed today. My new supervisor got on it and fired off some emails and got some balls rolling. I jumped in too and lent a hand to the IT guys.

All in all, the day ended well and we're on our way to getting everything resolved. Which is good since we have 15 new people starting at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I'm with them (along with the recent addition to my team) until roughly 10:30. Should make the morning go by pretty quickly.

Speaking of work, I got official confirmation that the evaluation board for a process I applied on, has found me to be "qualified" for the position and I have been placed in the pool. That's two pools I'm in now. I'm excited to be in both pools. It was hard work getting there, but it's a little bitter sweet. This means that 2 other organizations has deemed me qualified to be doing the work that I'm currently doing, but my current organization doesn't acknowledge that I'm doing work above level. Just a wee bit frustrating.

I stopped at the grocery store after work to get milk, bread and veggies. I got milk, bagels, ham and raspberries. Totally forgot about the veggies. LOL. The raspberries were on sale and I find that they go bad super fast so I decided to use them up tonight. I whipped up a batch of lemon-raspberry yogurt muffins. I think they turned out pretty well. I'll take a few to work to share with a couple co-workers and we'll see how well they go over.

I bet you're wondering about the mystery chicken mentioned in the title of this blog eh?

While my parents were here, we stopped at one of my mom and I's favourite stores: Giant Tiger. They had my favourite stuffed chicken breasts on sale for $1.87/pack. Couldn't pass that up. Only problem was, we weren't going back to my apartment, we were going onto their hotel. No problem says dad. There's a freezer in the mini fridge in their room. So I buy 4 boxes: 2 ham & swiss and 2 herb & garlic. We get back to the hotel and try to stuff the box in the little freezer. Won't fit. So we decide to take the chicken out of the boxes and mom stuffs them all in to a bag and then we stuff the bag into the freezer. They fit! Only problem is, there's now no way to tell which flavour is which as they all look the same. D'oh! So now I have mystery chicken. And they threw out all the boxes, which had the cooking instructions on them so I had to wing it and go by memory. It worked out well. I ended up with Ham & Swiss tonight (which is what I wanted). I think I have the same one for lunch tomorrow too. I guess I'll find out at noon hour tomorrow which flavour it is.

Got to go and get some sleep so I'm bright eyed and somewhat alert for my day tomorrow.

Good Night!

Sarah

Duck! (because I don't have a photo of a chicken)

Catching Up

Hey. How's it going? Long time, no read eh? I know I haven't blogged in a long time but I didn't realize it had been that long. 5 months to be exact. I'm not entirely sure why I stopped just like I'm not entirely sure why I felt compelled to write this evening. Maybe I needed a break, so I stopped. Maybe part of me longed to write again, so here I am. I don't know. But that's a very big part of life isn't it? Not knowing.

I just spent the last 45 minutes writing a very long blog......only to discover that my computer disconnected from the internet, AGAIN (computer issue, not my internet provider) and only the first paragraph above saved.  Shit.

So I'm going to summarize the last 5 months of my life in 5 minutes or less:

Moronic, worst supervisor ever appointed to my team and has thankfully since left. New one is much, much better. New manager at work, seems very nice. Went home for my dad's birthday. Had a great time. Went to see Cyndi Lauper and Cher, awesome show! Turned another year older! Had a fun dinner out with friends and a couple of us won money at the casino. Right on! Bought myself a new camera. Love it. Went home for a wedding. Had a horrible time, mostly due to being abandoned by everyone and having to sit alone and then getting a horrible drunken text message from my brother. Moved on. Went to Bluesfest! Rocked out to Slash, Moist and Collective Soul. Got to meet The Barenaked Ladies. Had an awesome time! Got to go and see Katy Perry. It was a kick ass show. Well worth the money! Took a couple days off work and had a stay-cation. Got a pedicure, saw the changing of the guard and had tea at the Chateau Laurier. Bought a Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer. How did I ever bake without it? My parents came to town for a couple of day. Had a very wonderful visit with them and got to tour the little villages south of Ottawa. My mom made friends with the front desk clerk by giving him cherry tomatoes from their garden. LOL. I was very sad to see them leave. The older I get, the harder the goodbyes seem to become.

So that's it in a nut shell. I'm sure other stuff happened but that's the main points that I can remember right now.

It's now well past my bedtime and I have to be up and moving early tomorrow.

Good Night!

Sarah

Super Moon - taken with my new camera

Just chillin' with the Barenaked Ladies

Katy Perry

Mom and Dad <3

Reflecting on Life Lessons and 21 Days Without Sugar!

You know, it's funny how a 20 minute meeting can result in hours and hours and hours of work being assigned to someone. I had that happen this week. Not that it's a bad thing. A good opportunity to get my feet wet with someone new but looking at it yesterday, I had the distinct impression that I'd bitten off more than I could chew. Thankfully a good night's sleep and a fresh perspective this morning, it didn't look nearly as daunting. And it's going to make for a couple interesting weeks. Besides, I have Curves to work out my frustrations should things not go well with the plans! LOL.

I did discover something very cool online today. It's from a blog and it made me stop for a few minutes and really think about things for a few moments. It's called "30 Things to Stop Doing To Yourself" and on the blog Marc and Angel hack life. Every single one of the items is true and completely makes sense. If you like the post, please support their blog and sign up for their newsletter. I did!!

The first one is:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

OMG, I'm such a proponent of this one. And I think that I've learnt and lived this lesson. My only regret is that I didn't realize it sooner. Looking back on high school, I can think of several people that I would have just cut out and walked away from because they sucked the happiness out of me. Or just used me and never saw me for the awesome person I know that I am. Which leads me directly to points 5 and 6 in the blog:

5.Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

I think I have a pretty good sense of self now. I'm not a party girl. I'm not the type of person who goes out to bars or clubs every Friday and Saturday night. I don't go out drinking  and dancing with the girls. I'm lucky if my eyes are still open at 10pm on a Friday night. I'd rather curl up in my comfy close and read a book than get all dressed up and freeze my ass off waiting in line somewhere and then spend my night in a crowded room with a bunch of strangers. And I'm cool with that. There was a point in my life when I wished I was that girl. The bar star. But that's not who I am and I have no desire to be her either.

I don't like dwelling on the past. Been there, done that. I will occasionally recall something from my past in order to remind myself of the lesson I learnt from it, but that's all. Sadly, I've had a few people in my life who can't seem to get past the past. Which then goes back to point 1 and I don't associate with those people anymore.

I am somewhat guilty of # 15 and 16:

Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

I'm 35, live in a small, kinda crappy apartment (because I can't afford anything nicer)  am still single and have 0 prospects on the horizon. Even if I had an interest in having kids, my chances of doing so would be pretty slim to none at this point. I often day dream about owning my own house with a nice backyard where I can have a lovely garden and a couple of dogs running around. And a husband who's arms I can curl up in on our porch swing and watch fire flies come out at night. Yes, I realize that I sound like I'm 80 but it's what I want. And I don't have it. But I know other people around my same age who do have it. I've learnt to change my thinking. I can't measure my life and successes against others. They're living a different life than I am. They're on a different path than I am. I know that I'll eventually get there, I just am taking a different route.
Same with people at work. I've seen people with less experience than myself getting better jobs. I've seen people who only worked in our office for a short period of time get promoted or find a better job faster than others who have been there longer. I can't begin to compare them all. Everyone is living a different life. I'm thankful for the things that I do have and will continue to strive for the important things that I want (happens to be point 30).

I will admit to being completely guilty of point 28 on the list too (you have to read the list to find out what it is) but I come by it naturally. It runs in the family and I'm fairly certain that I inherited it from my mother, who most likely got it from her mother :) And 29 is a work in progress for me as well. I've taken to doing a bit of positive affirmation after my workout at Curves. There's a stretching routine that you're supposed to follow after your working out to help your muscles. Part of it is done sitting on the floor. During those stretches, I like to close my eyes and think nothing but positive thoughts. I remind myself how strong I am. I remind myself of my goals. I think about why I'm there and what I want to accomplish and how much I love me and I just remind myself to take it one day at a time. Taking little steps towards all my goals are better than taking none at all.

Speaking of goals, I'm at day 21 without sugar :) Just 7 more days and it will have been a full month. I did nearly have a set back this morning when I opened the office fridge at morning break and found myself staring at two half eaten cakes. I grabbed my yogurt and ran before the devil could scramble up on my shoulder.

Good Night!

Sarah

My new Bonsai Tree

Mini Milestones

My day has been a day of some mini milestones which I didn't actually realize until late this afternoon.

For starters, today marks 2 weeks without sugar. I even survived the dessert section of an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet on the weekend. I broke down and bought some sugar free Jello Mousse cups to help with the chocolate cravings. Otherwise, fruit has been satisfying my sweet cravings and I'm feeling pretty darn good.
I'm finding it rather shocking just how much sugar is in things that you don't think have sugar in them or should have sugar in them. The one that surprised me the most are the frozen dinner and the supposed "Healthy" steamer style bowls. They have insane amounts of sugar in them. Talk about buyer be ware.

This evening also marked my 50th workout at Curves. Their computer system keeps track and lets me know how many workouts I've had when I sign in. I'll admit it. I'm a little proud of myself. I've actually kept with it for 5.5 months now. It's become routine for me and I actually enjoy it. Yes. I just said that I enjoy exercise. Some days it is hard to drag my ass there, like tonight. I was really tired after work. I've been tired all week. And it was really grey and blah out. Snow was in the forecast. And I'm reading a really good book right now (Omens by Kelly Armstrong) and all I could think about was going home, curling up and reading. But I didn't. I went to Curves. I was rewarded with my favourite coach being there (She normally works mornings except for Fridays) and I got in a good work out. Beat my target again for the 6th or 7th consecutive work out and it was my 50th workout. Something seems to have clicked. Now if my knee would just cooperate.....

Work is going well. It's been pretty steady so it's keeping me out of trouble. My co-workers are still providing me with a good deal of amusement. I swear, one day I'm going to write a book about my life in that office. I got a piece of good news last week too. I wrote a test on the 10th as part of a hiring process. I got the score back on the 12th and I did a pretty good job, scoring 42 out of 50. I'll take it, especially since I was still recovering from my cold and thanks to my inconsiderate neighbours, I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before the test. Oh yeah, and they tried to blow us up during the test too! (Blasting at the building site behind the test centre). Made for a very interesting day.

Tomorrow is the first day of spring. Not that you'd know it from looking out the window. We had snow today and there's snow in the forecast again tomorrow. The City of Ottawa set a new record on Monday. It was the coldest St. Patrick's Day in Ottawa's recorded history. Lucky us. Two years ago we had a heat wave and set a record of +25. It got so hot in our office that we got sent home. I'd much prefer that to this. I'm very excited at the prospect of having Spring here soon. It means longer days and more sunlight. It also means that I survived the dark, cold days of winter and I once again triumphed over my demons. I must say, this has been one of the best winter's I've had in a very long time. My seasonal depression really stayed in check and I've had  very few down days. There were a couple weeks between January and February that I found a little rough and had no energy but they were short lived and I bounced back quickly. I honestly think that Curves had a lot to do with the improvement in my mood. They say that exercise is good for more than your physical health. Who knew that they were right? LOL.

Steph and I checked out one of the positive signs of spring 2 weekend's ago: Blowing up the ice on the Rideau River. We got there too late to see the ice being blown up as they were further up the river, but we heard and felt some of the blasts and we did get to see the very beautiful and very frozen Rideau Falls. It was rather interesting to see. I got a lot of amusement out of watching the large ice chunks from up river going over the falls and creating quite the splash at the bottom. It was almost as amusing as watching Steph sniff bread in the grocery store but that's a story for another day. So is staying out to 2:30am, betting on electronic horses at the Casino in Quebec :) LOL.

I can hear my book calling me so I should sign off, go and curl up and read a little before bed. Or a lot.

Good Night!

Sarah

Very Frozen Rideau Falls - Steph took the photo when we stopped to check them out 2 weeks ago. So cold! But so beautiful!!

Back to Work and Day 2 & 3 Without Sugar

Despite still being sick, I made it back to work today. Even survived the day while remaining vertical, keeping my lungs in my chest and only mildly grossing out my nearest neighbours with my nose blowing. One of my managers referred to it as "trumpeting". Anyhow...

It was a long and busy day. Played catch up almost all day and not just my own work either. I'm half assed covering for a co-worker too. I managed to make it through the day without any cold meds either. Just lots of tea and water. And a mid-day nasal rinse.

Day 2 of the no sugar went well. Again, since I was home sick it was easier to avoid temptation. I did venture into Walmart in search of honey but managed to avoid all the bad stuff.

Today, I had a slight bit of sugar this evening. I had a quick swig of chocolate milk as I'd eaten something spicy and needed a quick milk blast to stop my tongue from burning. So all in all, not to bad at all. I did have a wicked craving for coffee yesterday and again this evening so I think I may need to track down a small box of Splenda tomorrow just so I can have coffee from time to time. While I'm quite happy to have honey in my tea, I can't say the same thing about coffee. Coffee and honey don't seem to go so well together. I don't want to go overboard on the sweeteners either so I need to limit my intake of them as well.

I can sleep in tomorrow so that should help knock this could out a little more. I need to take my night time medication and slather my chest with Vicks. I giggle and think of The Big Bang Theory every time I do it. The episode where Amy gets sick is priceless. I did like my mom's best friend's suggestion. She said to find a firefighter to do it. I'm down with that.

Good Night!

Sarah

Pretty much how I spent the last 2 days...

Cold Power Walking and a New Lunch Date

Well I certainly got my cardio in this morning. Thanks to the design of the downtown corridor, an accident in one key spot caused major backups for all the buses.

I was first aware of a problem when it took us 5 minutes to get up a hill. And then when we reached the stop at the top of the hill, we sat there for 5 minutes, without moving away from the stop. Thankfully, I'm a well prepared Canadian girl and was dressed for the weather. I had my boots, two pairs of pants, a sweater, a hoodie, scarf, mittens and my heavy wool coat on so I was good to brave the elements.

Me and about 6 other people hopped off the bus and started the trek into downtown. Looking down the street, there was a long line of pretty red and white buses and a heavy stream of people heading into the core on foot. While making the trek, I passed my boss' boss en route to the office. We said a hurried hi as we each scurried in a different direction across the street.

Despite the fact that it was -28 with the windchill when I left the house, I was quite toasty by the time I got to the office. There was a quick stop at Starbucks involved, where they gave me the wrong drink but it was still good so I was ok. I wasn't the only one who opted to take the two feet and a heartbeat approach to getting to work today. At least it was sunny.

I must say, I'm really looking forward to the new transit tunnel under downtown being built. I think it will really improve traffic in the core.

I had a fun lunch today. Due to scheduling conflicts and over crowding, I opted to have lunch with a couple of our students rather than my usual group. I know one of the girls pretty well as she's been with us for a few years now. They were quite fun to hang with. It was neat talking about school stuff again and I assisted in the one girl trying to plan a romantic weekend away. LOL. They were a nice break in the day. They gave me advice on boys too :)

Kind of like the conversation I had with our boss' assistant over the difference between the photocopier and the printer and the fact that you cannot send a print job to our photocopier. I'm sure it was a fun conversation for anyone who happened to over hear. Our office isn't equipped with over high tech machines. We're kind of an old school place.

All in all, it was a pretty decent day. I think it's time to go and feed my Merlin addiction.

Good Night!

Sarah

Down 2 and Up 10,000

Guess what? At some point in the last week, my lowly little blog cracked 10,000 page views. That's kind of awesome. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't believe anyone actually reads my ramblings. I still can't get over how much writing this blog has helped me. It's funny how something so simple can be so effective. I'm truly looking forward to the next 10,000 page views milestone.

Anyhow....It's been a crazy week at the office and it's been a short week too since I had Monday off. For some odd reason, short weeks seem to feel long. I dunno. Maybe it's our desire to get back to the weekend again. I started my new position on Monday. It hasn't been a totally smooth transition as I'm still doing some of the old duties until the new person is fully equipped and up and running. I've been kept rather busy with my new tasks though, so that's good. Keeps me out of trouble that way. My boss reminded me to look into the available training sessions and let him know which ones I'd like to take and if there were any other tools that I feel that I need in order to become an expert with my new position. Sounds like a good idea.

I survived another week of Curves. I even got off my duff and went to the gym on my day odd. Braved the snow/sleet to do so too. I felt pretty great about it when I got home too. As a result of not being at my home club on Monday, we moved my weigh in day to Wednesday. The scale was kind. I lost 2lbs! So I'm down a total of 6.5 in my first 2 weeks. I'm quite happy with those numbers. I just have to keep an eye on the eating plan portion and try not to slide too much. I'm supposed to go out for lunch tomorrow so I'll have to work that into my day. I'm on a quest to find more healthy recipes to try out. Which just gives me a good excuse to kill entire evenings on Pinterest (like I need an excuse). That makes me happy.

While in the grocery store earlier this week, I couldn't help but notice how odd and strange some of the so called "healthy" foods are. I swear to god that I thought they were selling a bag of bird seed in the cereal aisle. I had to actually pick it up and read the label to confirm that it wasn't actually bird seed. It was some sort of muesli or granola. I dunno. It still looked an awful lot like the wild bird seed mix that I get to put on my balcony. It also baffles me as to how expensive 'healthy' food is. For example, 355ml bottles of Pomegranate juice are on 2/$5. Meanwhile, 2L bottles of pop are on 4/$5. Apples are $1.89lb (so maybe 4 apples) where as big bags of photo chips are 2/$3. Sigh. I'm getting low on peanut butter too. I really need that to go on sale soon. The hard part for me is working more vegetables into my meals. I'm kind of a picky eater when it comes to veggies. I only really like a select few: broccoli, cauliflower, raw carrots, mushrooms (cooked), turnip(rutabaga) and brussel sprouts. The turnip that I like is counted as a starch on my meal plan so I can't go hog wild with it. I'm on the fence with cabbage and cucumbers. Some days I like them and some days I don't. I guess the same could be said for celery. I'm not a fan of it cooked though. I'm going to have to get creative.


Maybe while I'm looking for recipes on Pinterest, I'll find some good gift ideas for my parents. I'm struggling to find something to get them and my mother isn't being overly helpful. I ask for a list and my mom gave me 2 items. I told that that didn't count as a list. Sigh. Yes, I know that the spirit and meaning of Christmas isn't about presents and material items. It's just that they give me so much through out the year that I'd like to be able to give them a little something back. To show them how much I love them and appreciate all that they do for me. My Christmas holidays are a month and 6 days away (not that I'm counting).

I need to go and get ready for bed. I work up at 4:21 this morning, got up and went pee, came back to bed and then couldn't sleep. I think I drifted off for about 15 minutes between then and when the alarm went off at 6. It was brutal. I'm hoping that a repeat doesn't occur this evening.

Good Night!

Sarah

Smiling on a sunny day!

Good People Still Exist

So my biggest success of the day was finally clearing level 105 in Candy Crush. LOL. I've been stuck on it for several weeks now.

Work was good. It's been very steady but not quite into the "crazy" side. Which is nice. I have to do a bunch of house keeping tomorrow. I need to file some stuff and move the things I need to my new desk. That will be a fun exercise. And I start the day off tomorrow with a doctor's appointment.

Sigh. My doctor. I really need to find a new one. But it was so freakin' hard to get the one I've got. It's just that the office is bad. The receptionist is incompetent and I can't believe she's still working there. And my doctor has the worst hours! Thankfully I don't have to see him often (knock on wood that it stays that way).

I saw a couple acts of kindness today which made me smile. A very elderly woman who I suspect has Parkinson was trying to get some chicken from a lunch buffet near my office today. She was rather short too and there was no way she was going to be able to reach the containers. Before I could walk across the place to help her, another woman came along and got her a container. The elderly women then proceeded to fill it herself...and man, did she take a lot of chicken. She then tried to close the container, but couldn't, so yet another kind soul came to her rescue. The last I saw, the elderly lady was pushing her container of chicken around on her walker, looking rather happy. It was great. It made me smile. And it made me a little sad. It made my miss my Gram. And made me worry that one day that would be me. Growing old alone.  But mostly I was happy to see that kindness still exists and for the most part, we're decent, kind and caring human beings.

After escaping the office this evening, I bought some groceries, came home and had a very simple but quite yummy dinner. And then watched a funny new episode of The Big Bang Theory. I love that show. So awesome :)

The only upside to having a doctor's appointment tomorrow is that I get to sleep in for a bit. That will be nice.

My abs are doing surprisingly well today. They don't hurt unless I really engage them. It's actually the backs of my shoulders that are sore today. And my foot. Maybe I'll mention that one to my doctor in the morning.

Good Night!

Sarah

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch....

I. AM. IN. PAIN. Seriously. Everything hurts. Even sitting upright hurts because you engage your abs to do so and those fuckers hurt the most. Standing waiting for the bus hurt. Walking from my bus stop to my house hurt. I don't think we ever fully appreciate how we use our muscles until we've done something to make them hurt. It was a hard workout today so that's why I'm in pain tonight.

My first weigh in was on Monday. It went well. I'm down 4.25lbs. Thank god. It was a rough week. Trying to completely overhaul your way of life is exhausting. And expensive. Healthy food really does seem to cost more and I need to buy new runners soon. Sigh. It's all worth it though, right?

Things at work have been going well. It's been busy but not crazy. I've been given a new set of responsibilities thanks to even more changes at the office but I'm cautiously optimistic about them. Change is a fact of life. I need to make peace with that sooner or later. And sooner is most likely the best option. I'm also working with one of our newer employees on planning our office holiday party. It's been fun and is a nice distraction from the regular routine of the office.

I'm back to the gym on Friday and I can't say I'm looking forward to it. LOL. Hopefully some of the sore muscles calm down a bit before then. Especially since I'm meeting up with someone for coffee after the gym on Friday. I need to be in one piece and functioning! Keep your fingers crossed.

Ok, I'm limping away from the computer now. I can hear my bed calling me from the other room. Sometimes I wish I could stay there all day. But I guess that's what the weekend's for!!

Good Night!

Sarah

I bet a few of those would make the pain go away....LOL!

Everything From My Butt Down Has Stopped Speaking To Me

My legs aren't speaking to me. And they've convinced my knees to turn against me too. So far my arms are still playing nice but the backs of my shoulders seem a little sore/stiff.

If you haven't already figured it out, I went to Curves again tonight. That marks a back to back workout. Hence why my legs seem rather pissed at me at the moment. It was a fun work out and the time flew by again. After the work out we got to play Yahtzee to win a t-shirt or ballots into a monthly draw. Apparently this is something they do every Friday. That's kind of cool and it was fun.

Work was interesting. More changes were announced today and that didn't go over well with some people. My role change was announced to some of the staff as well. I've had a week to process it and mull it over so I was doing pretty good when it was announced today. I keep reminding myself that change is good and doing something different will be a welcome change. The more skill sets I have, the better chance I'll have of finding a higher level position. Or so the theory goes.

I relaxed tonight, ordered in and watched some scary tv. It was the season premiere of Grimm and the series premiere of Dracula. I quite liked the spin they've put on Dracula. He's cast as a vigilante of sorts and has a rather interesting relationship with Van Helsing too. And it doesn't hurt that the actor playing Dracula is hot, but he speaks without his sexy Irish accent in the show. Oh well. LOL.

I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend. I'm planning on tackling the pile of clothing in my bedroom and re-arranging my closet for Fall/Winter. I also have 2 missions: 1. Buy new running shoes and 2. Buy a decent sports bra.  Mission 2 is going to be much more difficult than mission 1.

But for now, I'm going to go and take some Motrin and head to bed and pray that I can still walk in the morning. If I'm hobbling tomorrow, I'm going to have some choice words for a certain someone....

Good Night!

Sarah

My sexy bowling shoes!

This Won't Hurt...Much.

Another day, another dollar. Or so they say. Work went by a little more quickly today and thankfully, I didn't have any disrespectful people to deal with today, so that is a major plus. The weeks ahead are going to be very interesting ones and I really am not sure how things are going to play out. I'm going to take a "go with the flow" approach and hope that works.

After work was Curves workout #2, which was our first 'real' workout. Meaning that we did the full circuit and a half without the aid of the coaches. Sure, they did yell out some encouragement or gave tips on a specific machine, but for the most part, Steph and I were on our own.

It went really well. I have to admit, the time really does fly by. The stupid pull up machine was still awful but a few of the others that gave me trouble on day one seemed to behave better today. And, of course, there was some laughter. I almost went ass over teakettle while doing our cool down stretches. One of the stretches is where you reach behind you, bend your leg up and grab your foot and pull it towards your ass. Like this:



Anyhow, I can't do that. So they have this big stretchy rubber band to help. I looped it around my foot and then you pull the band up and over your shoulder. Well I kind of lost balance while doing this and ended up doing a fun pirouette instead, which allowed me to regain my balance. If I hadn't, I would have fallen over since my foot was otherwise occupied and I couldn't have put it down to stop me.

I'm finding that every time I get up off the couch or out of my chair this evening, I'm stiff and various muscles protest a little. Nothing major. Except the pulsing pain in my right boob. But that has nothing to do with my activities at the gym this afternoon. That's all hormonal. Stupid hormones.

Anyhow, Steph's insane and wants to go back tomorrow. One of the coaches said that if you do work outs back to back like this, you get to go less intensely on the 2nd day. I might be able to handle that. I also might not be able to move come Saturday.

Guess I'll just have to wait and see how that plays out too.

Good Night!

Sarah

It's all about balance.

My head hurts.

Seeing as I have a major sinus pressure headache at the moment and looking at this bright screen is really making my eyes hurt, this is going to be a very short blog.

Work was alright. Not slow and not busy but I ended up taking a late lunch thanks to someone from another department who I've been working with on some fundraising effort. Just because she has a different schedule than the rest of us doesn't give her the right to disrespect our schedules.

Thankfully, I wasn't very sore at all today. From time to time I could feel a little muscle strain in my upper legs and once in the muscle that runs under your arm pit and along the side of your boob but that was all. Steph and I are back to the gym tomorrow after work. I'd better take long pants with me because our high is only going to be +6 so it's going to be chilly when we head for the buses to take us home.

Ok, I'm calling it quits for the night. Time to pop some Advil Sinus and head to bed.

Good Night!

Sarah

Random photo of my feeding a squirrel, just because!