Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts

Friday, 24 October 2014

True Patriot Love

Life is full of little ironies. Like the fact that I'm sitting here, scrolling through Pinterest in search of "healthy" meals while making my way through a small pile of Hallowe'en candy minis and am pouting because I just dropped 2 M&Ms on the floor (you only get like 10 total in a pack!). I think it's time to lay off them though as I'm beginning to feel ill. It's been a rough week and I'm PMSing to boot (explains the Hallowe'en candy, doesn't it?).

I started a new job this week. Change and I are old foes but we're reached a truce over the last few years so the transition into my new place of work wasn't as traumatic as it would have been say, 2 years ago. It was both exciting and frightening at the same time. My new work environment is drastically different than my previous one. For starters, I am now one of the "younger" employees in my office. Previously, I was somewhere in the "middle to older" range. My new office has an 80 year old. In my previous office, I knew the names (and faces) of all 191 staff members. There's something like 178 people in my new office, spread out over 4 floors. As of today, I can recall the names and faces of 10 people and two of them have the same first name so I only have to remember that name once. The bathrooms are much better though. There's actual ventilation in these ones. Not once this week have I walked into the washroom and thought to myself "OMG, what died in here". At my previous place of work, that was almost a daily occurrence. And the people in my new office don't eat lunch together. Almost everyone goes to the food court to buy lunch and then they eat at their desks. I'm a much more social creature than that. My goal for next week is to find a lunch buddy.

I did get to know some of my new co-workers a little better on Wednesday though. My building was put on lock-down until 5:30pm after a fucked-up idiot shot and killed an honour guard and shot and wounded an un-armed guard while running around part of downtown Ottawa and Parliament Hill.  It was a home-grown terror attack. In my city. And all I keep thinking is: "How dare he".


Ottawa has a population of just shy of 900,000 people. Before Wednesday's tragic turn of events, Ottawa only had 4 murders on record for the year. That's it. Take Calgary for example. They have just over 1 million people and have had 24 murders so far this year. A lot of people are under the misconception that Ottawa is a boring city. I think we get a bad wrap because we're a government town and all the cool bands forget about us and are drawn to the flashier cities like Montreal and Toronto. But we are fun. We're a perfect mix of big city and small town. Want to get in some culture? We've got museums and the National Arts Centre. Want sports? We've got NHL, CFL and 3 post-secondary schools with great athletics teams. Want something more small town? We have one of the biggest, permanent Farmer's Markets in the country not to mention dozens and dozens of small towns all within a half hour drive from the downtown core. In my mind, it's a perfect city.

Or it was, until Wednesday. I've lived here for a grand total of 13 years. Wednesday is the very first time I've ever questioned my safety here. It's the very first time I haven't felt safe in my own city. And that is a sickening feeling. When I left work that day, I walked a little faster. I paid more attention to my surroundings and more to the point, I paid a lot more attention to the people around me. The man responsible for carrying out the attack on Ottawa wasn't an immigrant. He wasn't some bitter transplant from another country. He was born here. He was raised here. He was a Canadian. And that upsets me so much more than if it had been someone from some where else. He had the opportunity to grow up in this amazing country. He got to experience what freedom and democracy are. He lived in a country that had great social services and access to things like doctors, dentists, specialists etc... without huge price tags. And yet, somehow, he got it in his head that the Canada that I know and love isn't the amazing country that the rest of us know it is. He decided that he needed to attack it. And that's the part that hurts the most. 

Yes, we're not the global "boy scouts" that we were once known as being. Over the last couple of decades, we've taken on a much more aggressive role on the world's stage than the peacekeeping role we were once known for, but I think we're still a peaceful nation at heart. We all have to stand up for ourselves and stand up for those who can't look after themselves, right? I'm not going to get into whether or not I think our troops should be over dropping missiles on militants on the other side of the world but I am going to say that despite everything that has happened this week, I have never been prouder to be a Canadian.

I was going to have lunch in our food court today, but I decided that the weather was too nice to hide indoors. I also needed the chance to walk around my city again and to be reminded that it is still a safe place to live. My office is on the opposite side of Parliament from where the attack took place, so things are calmer in my area. My walk at lunch was a peaceful one. I enjoyed seeing all the other people out and about, doing the same thing that I was doing: enjoying the nice weather and our collective freedom. 


To the two soldiers that lost their lives this week, Patrice Vincent and Nathan Cirillo - thank you both for your dedication and service to Canada. And to their families - my deepest sympathies and condolences.

It's time for our country to pick itself up, dust ourselves off and show the world that we are still the true north strong and free and that this country is full of millions and millions of people who are very proud to call ourselves Canadian. 


Good Night.

Sarah



Canadian War Memorial in August 2014



                               

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Emotions

Those of you who follow my blog may have noticed that I haven't been writing as often. I've been really tried lately so by the time I've thought to blog, I'm just too drained to do it. So I'm attempting to blog earlier today in hopes of being able to stay awake and think clearly long enough to get something out.

The other issue is that there's a lot of very sad things happening in the little world around me and they've been on my mind a lot. And is silly as it sounds, I didn't want that sadness coming out in my blog. But that's the point of my blog. To write about what I think and feel and get it out of my system.

I'm a very emotional person. When I was a teenager, I used to think that people who expressed their emotions so much were saps and I made fun of them. Well I guess Karma's a bitch because that's kind of the person I turned into. When I'm really happy, I cry, but I laugh at the same time. When I'm sad, I cry. When I laugh too much, I cry. When I tired or frustrated, I cry. When I'm mad....ok, that's like the only time I don't cry. My point is, I'm very much in touch with my emotions. I recognize them and that they're there. They exist. And no, I don't spend a lot of my time crying. It's actually been fairly rare as of late, well before the last 2 weeks. I'm not a weepy person. I just recognize them and I know how and when to keep them in check and I know when to let them go.

Society put so much emphasis on hiding those emotions. We're supposed to pretend that nothing makes us sad and if it does, we keep it to ourselves. Heaven forbid a man cries - they're seen as less masculine. A woman who cries is seen as weak. Why? We all have emotions and keeping them bottled up inside is never a good thing.

To add to my connection to my emotions, I'm also quite empathic. Meaning, I pick up on and react to the emotions of people around me. If people around me are stress or tense or there's a large amount of tension going on between a group of people - I get a knot in my stomach. If people around me are being overly negative or angry - I become exhausted and edgy. If people around me are sad - I start feeling depressed too. I'm sure we all react those around us but I just seem to react to them more than most.

All of this back story is to say that I almost started to cry on the bus on the way home tonight. I was reading an email on my phone from my mom. She attended the second funeral of a dear friend today. It was Mr. B's funeral. My mom was telling me how sad it was and that they played the "Last Post", and that kind of did my mom in. It would have done me in too. I'm sure I would have been a mess long before they got to that part.

The whole thing makes me sad. The fact that my mom had to go to the funeral alone upsets me. It's one of those times that I wished I lived closer, so that I could have gone with her for moral support. Mr. B was like a second father to her so you can understand why she's sad. And the fact that Mr.B's daughter has lost both of her parents in the course of 1 week - that she's had to to go through 2 separate visitations and 2 separate funerals, each a week a part. It makes my heart break for her. And then there's me. I've known Mr. B my entire life. This past summer, my dad and I took him grocery shopping. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun in a grocery store. He was a hoot and a half. He got me to help him fill up a bag full of chocolate covered almonds from the bulk section. I put a big scoop in and then he told me to add more. I did. Then he told me to add more. So I did. This went on a few times and we had quite a full bag of almonds. He looked at me and said "Yup, that should last the week" LOL. I think the bag cost $12 on its own! Mr. B was quite the card, a real character. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm blessed just to have known him. And I really hope his family has a chance to grieve and heal now.

The weather here isn't helping either. It's still snowing. Today's the first day of Spring but you wouldn't know it by looking outside. We're in for another 7cms of snow or so between tomorrow morning and Friday morning. I'm just so sick of the cold and snow. Here's hoping the sunshine and warm weather find us soon.

Good Night!

Sarah

Mr.B and I

My mom and Mr.B

Sunday, 17 March 2013

Sightings and the March of Death Continues

As the weekend is winding down, I'm thinking about my week and the fact that the weekend is far too short. Seriously. We should have 4 day work-weeks and 3 day weekends. I like that idea much better. We've got a full house this week at work so that should be fun.

This weekend has been a "run into people" kind of weekend. Not literally of course. I go months and months without seeing random people I know while I'm out and then this weekend it happens to me 3 times in one day.

Yesterday, I went to Costco with JD. Before that, we went to Cora's for breakfast. It was good, or at least mine was. JD wasn't overly impressed with his but I quite enjoyed mine and it really did come with a mountain of fruit, just like advertised. Just as we were finishing up and about to get the bills, I looked up and my friend KayD's sister and her boyfriend had just sat down. I waved and she got up so I met up with her and chatted and she introduced me to her man and we teased her about being a Montreal fan and not an Ottawa fan. You know, usual, stereotypical Canadian conversation. LOL.

Next up, JD and I had just cashed out at Costco (and I was under budget!) when I looked up and noticed that one of the cashiers looked really familiar. Took me about 5 seconds and then I placed him. His name is Justin and I went to College with him. Talk about random. I don't think I've seen him once since I graduated and that was almost 11 years ago.

After JD dropped me off, I headed to the mall as one of my favourite stores had bras and sleep ware on sale. I stuck out with the bras this time but got two new nighties (buy one, get one free) and got 5 new pairs of panties, one of which matches one of my new nighties. How's that for co-ordination? I also got 2 pairs of tights and a 3 pack of trouser socks on the reduced to clear rack. I love saving money :)  While waiting to the bus back home, I heard someone say "Hi Sarah" and I turned around and there was a woman who used to work in my office. She was with her family so I chatted politely for a few minutes before they headed out.

So that was 3 random people in one day.Oh and I saw one of the local news reporters in the mall.

Today I stayed at home and cleaned and hand washed more of my bras. I did the dark coloured ones yesterday and then the light coloured ones today. My bathroom looks like a lingerie ad.

March continues to be a notorious month as well. One friend's step son was stabbed (he's in stable condition and is eating ok etc...) and another lost her father - exactly one week after losing her mother. There's a very real phenomenon where people who are really old or have been together a very long time die within a short time of one and other. Mr.B was 100 so I guess you could say that he'd live a good and long life. He was a very sweet man and I feel blessed just having known him. Now that he and his wife have been re-united with my grandparents and all their old friends, I'm guessing that there's going to be one heck of a bonspiel going on up there in Heaven. I do feel really bad for his daughter and grand daughters. They haven't got over the death of their mother/grandmother from last week and now they have to do it all over again this week. I hope that's the end of the bad things for them for a good, long while.

And March wasn't good to my brother either. He ended up at the hospital Friday morning because he blow his nose and ended up blowing out his eardrum. I told him "I guess that's proof that you really do blow". I don't think he thought my joke was funny. Clearly he wasn't taking enough pain meds. I thought it was a damn funny joke. Poor guy though. I hope he's all better soon and that it's nothing serious/no permanent damage done.

I really hope that March is done with all of its misfortunes. One good thing did come of today. Being St. Patrick's Day, I decided to try to Irish Pear Cider I'd bought last month and forgot was in my fridge. It was really, really good! I've found a new alcohol to enjoy!! YAY!!! And it doesn't taste anything like beer so I'm thrilled about that.

Good Night!

Sarah

Happy St. Patty's Day!



Sunday, 10 March 2013

Death and March (Not a Death March)

March kind of sucks for my family, specifically my mom's side. And it lived up to its bad reputation this weekend.

My grandfather passed away 16 years ago on March 16th 1987. He was buried a week later on March 23rd, which just happened to be my Grandma's birthday. I'm pretty darn sure that was the worst birthday she ever had. I was too young to absorb any of that. I just remember being very angry with God for taking my grandfather away from me. Ironies of ironies, I remember riding my bike around the block in anger and I finally stopped in a parking lot to cry/yell at God. Turns out I was in the parking lot of the funeral home by my parents' house. Looking back on it now, it strikes me as funny. I was 8. 8 year olds do funny things that amuse their old selves many years later.

Next up came the death of my Gram. Once again, March got the dubious honour. March 7th 2006 to be exact. 16 days before her 89th birthday. Atleast it didn't happen on her birthday. That would have been like a double curse or something.

March got a bit of a reprieve last year as my darling niece was born in late March. A blessing indeed.

But as of this weekend, March is back in dubious territory. My mom's best friend's mother passed away on Saturday. While her passing does fall into the territory of being a blessing as she's now at peace, it's still hard on the family, no matter how prepared they think they are. I'm usually fantastic with words and speaking but death is the one time that I find it hard to find the words, or better yet, the right words. When my great-grandmother Watson and my Gram died, it was a blessing. My great-grandma had checked out years before and was just a shell who happened to still be breathing. My Gram wasn't much better when she went. She knew that her time was near and she wanted to go. She was ready. In both cases, they'd been without their husbands for a very long time. I guess they were both over due for a reunion. Death brought them both peace. I hole heartedly believe that they both went on to a much better place than the one they'd found themselves in here. I know it was for the best. But it still doesn't stop the paid and grief of their passing from happening.

Memories are funny things. I hardly knew my grandfather (we called him Cooch because he loved trains...get it? Choo-choo train?). I didn't even know him for a quarter of my life, yet I'll see something or hear something or smell something and thoughts/memories of him will come flooding back to me. I'm almost positive that he's the reason I like trains so much. I love it when my Uncle David comes to visit and he and my mom start telling stories about Chooch. I hardly knew him so hearing their stories helps  bring him back to life for me, so I can get another chance at getting to know the great man that he was. It's when I'm working on my genealogy research that I really wish he was still here. His side of the family has been a real pain in the butt to trace and I could really use his knowledge. That's just one of my many reasons why we should never take our elderly for granted. They're walking, talking pieces of history and there is so much that they can teach us.

Now, this next revelation might make some of you think I'm totally nuts, but while I know that they're gone, I'm pretty sure that both my great-grandma Watson and my Gram come to visit me from time to time. It's not a scary thing. It's actually quite comforting and it usually makes me smile. Sometimes it's just a feeling I get, like I'm not alone but I'm not worried or scared so I know that someone familiar is here. Sometimes I keep catching something from the corner of my eye and when I look, it's gone. I have a photo of my Gram hanging off a hook on my corner shelf. Every now and then, I'll look over and the photo is swinging on the hook. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot and there's no draft, no large trucks having gone down the street, no vibrations from my walking around. Just little things like that. They just remind me that even though they're not here, they still love me and are with me. Which is true. No one ever really leaves if you keep their memory in your heart.

Oh! And Julius Caesar died in March too. March 15th, 44 BC or so history believes. I guess March wasn't a good month for him either.

Good Night!

Sarah






Thursday, 13 December 2012

Death and Cookies

It's been a bit of a strange day. Work was busy one minute and then slow the next. LOL. Very crazy.

I know that my imagination is running away with me but I keep looking at the floor in my living room. I found out from one of my neighbours, that the little old lady who lives below me, died in her sleep last night. Her children check in on her every day and I guess her son found her this morning.  He freaked out a bit so the lady across the hall called 911 and stayed with him and tried to calm him down and such. Fire, Police and Ambulance all showed up. I missed quite the commotion this morning.
I didn't really know that last. I think I saw her a grand total of twice. She hardly ever left her apartment because she couldn't handle the stairs but her kids were here to see her every day. Losing a loved one is hard. Losing someone at this time of year just seems so much worse. I really feel bad for the son who found her and to all of her family. And I have to admit, I'm a little wigged out.

On a more positive note, my apartment smells amazing. I baked a double batch of Toblerone Shortbread this evening. Some are for the bake sale tomorrow, some are for an afternoon party and some are for gifting. I'm also rather sick of cookies now. I might bake some when I go home but I know that my mom really loves the Reese Peanut butter Squares so maybe I'll make those instead. I'm hoping that the bake sale tomorrow is success.  I still need to dust icing sigar on the batch of the shortbread and then put them into their pretty little bags.

My baby brother has to write a test tomorrow morning. He's been studying a lot and I know that it's going to pay off. I'll still keep my fingers crossed for him though :)

I think I might start packing this weekend as next week looks like it's going to be a little crazy. Good plan.

I'm off to play with cookies :)

Good Night!

Sarah

That is one massive cookie...