Day 5 - Wild Weather, Dogs and Seafood

This day went so differently than I thought it would have gone a week ago. I was supposed to have checked into the hospital at 8 this morning. Somewhere around 9:35am, I should have been leaving surgery, with my knee fixed. I should have spent a groggy afternoon worring about what my parents were doing to my apartment while I was incapasitated. Instead of eating alone while watching the news, I should have been having dinner with my Mom and Dad. Clearly the Universe had different plans. I am sad. I am disappointed. But I have no control over the situation or circumsances that lead to the change in plans. So I have to just let it go and roll with it. My surgery will be rescheduled at some point and I'll get to see my parents again soon. Trust me, if this social distancing thing goes on longer than a few weeks, I'm out of here. I'm running away and am going home!!

Over all, I think today was the best day of the week. Partly because I'm starting to adapt to my new norm and partly because it's normal to feel happy that it's Friday. While my plans for the weekend really aren't all that different than my plans for the week, the major difference is that I don't have to work :)

Given that things were a wee  bit slow on the work front, I decided to make muffins, so that I'd had something yummy for my morning snack. I ended up making Oatmeal-Orange muffins with dried canberries. I gotta say, they're one of the best muffins I've made. I swapped out the sugar and used Splenda instead and they were still awesome. I ate three of them today (not all at the same time!).

Oatmeal Orange Muffins with dried cranberries

Our weather was a strange one. Started the morning off at +2, hit+14 this afternoon and we're currently sitting at -2 (feels like -9 with the windchill), on our way down to -10.  We had rain earlier and now we may see flurries. Welcome to spring in Canada. If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes.

I got out for a walk during the warm but windy part and made it home before it rained. I saw a lot more people today. Probably close to a dozen people plus five dogs and three people on bikes. I watched one guy on a bike almost wipe out on some ice on a pathway. People smiled and said hi. Some even stopped for a moment and chatted, all while keeping a respectable distance.

This evening, I supported a local food truck. They've set up shop in another local business' parking lot and for the first time, are offering delivery! So I got my seafood fix tonight with some tender calamari and flakey battered fish. It was nice. I think I've met my deep fried quota for the week though. LOL.

Fish with veggie chips and calamari fritti

I also only watched the news once today. I watched it for a bit this morning. Other than hearing the top of the hour news update on the radio, that was all I exposed myself to today.

I did a lot of reading this afternoon/evening/night. I'm hooked on the Outlander series. I started with the tv show and then several people told me how awesome the books are so I stopped the show and started in on the books, which are 900-1000 pages long. Anyhow, I'm on book two, Drangonfly in Amber and I finally reached the point in the book where I passed where I stopped watching the tv show. Up to now, I had an idea of what was going to happen. Now I don't, so I got much more engrossed in the book. It's a lovely way to kill time.

Tomorrow should be interesting. I have to leave my nest (aka, my apartment) and I have to go to the bank and to a grocery store. I'd better make a good list, I don't want to have to go out again mid-week. Should be an interesting time.

"Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won't have a title until much later." - Bob Goff

You're Such A Positive Person

It's been a very rough week. And we're only half way through. I haven't been feeling so hot. Last night was really bad and I spent the day in a fog, concentrating very hard on holding it together.

Maybe it's the early cold weather that we've had. Or perhaps is the abundance of alone time I've had of late. Two weekends in a row plans went askew/off the rails and I ended up flying solo, which isn't anything new for me. It just sucks when I actually make plans and start to look forward to some human contact and conversation and then end up on my own anyhow. Or maybe it's the reminder/realization that I really am on my own here. It's just me. I am not a priority in anyone's world, except my own. Maybe one day that will change, and I think I'd really like that, but for now, it's my reality. I'm always the one asking other people to do stuff. I can't recall the last time someone approached me and invited me to do something. Unless you count my new boss. She invited me to do a 5k walk with her at 7am on Sunday. I think she was mostly kidding though as she was trying to find a way out of it. It just really sucks that people mean more to me than I mean to them. Actually, it doesn't suck. It hurts. 

Anyhow, it was a rough day. I didn't sleep well last night. I was late getting up, late getting moving. Got to work and had multiple items thrown at me right of the get go. That part actually helped. It distracted me for a bit. Let me get outside my own head for a while. It was a nice change of scenery. I did go for a walk at lunch and that felt good. The fresh air on my face helped to wake me up a bit more and just being away from the office made my soul feel better for a while. My afternoon was ok until about 3pm when I started having dizzy spells and my head felt tight, like it was in a vice. Brutal. Don't know if was a stress issue, or I'm coming down with something or low blood sugar or pressure. Who knows. All I know is that I felt like crap. All I wanted to do was go home. But some co-workers needed help and I soldiered on.

I was just getting ready to leave work when one of our officers started talking to me and asking for some information. So we got into a discussion. Said officer actually said some very complimentary things to me about my work and hopes for my future, then they said something that almost made me burst out laughing/break down crying. They said "You're such an optimistic person". I'm standing there, feeling like crap. I'm exhausted from holding it together all day, having been on the verge of tears about 6 times that day, cried myself to sleep the night before and they're standing there telling me how optimistic I am.

The Universe really loves throwing stuff like that at me. I found it funny and sad all at the same time. I guess this means I was doing a good job of not letting it show how miserable I was today. I hate feeling like this. But I've been through it enough times now to just sit back and let it get out of my system. Give myself a day to wallow and then slowly pick myself up, dust myself off and start putting one foot in front of the other again.

Tomorrow will be a new day. Hopefully the sun will be out and the black cloud hanging around me will start to sail away. So long as I have hope, I have something going for me.

Now it's time to go and hopefully have a full and restful night's sleep.

Good Night

Sarah

Sad, Frustrating, Long, Hard Daze

This week has been a rough one and I'm very glad it's over. Today was the worst of the days.

It was a strange day. I was crazy busy but didn't seem to be able to make any headway with anything. I just kept running into road blocks any time I tried to accomplish anything. Which is crazy frustrating.

We had 4 people leave today. One's only been there for 5 weeks, 1 was kind of already gone but now has really left (was on leave but was offered another job, came back from leave early to take it) and the other two are people who've been there since I before I started. I am a little sad that I won't get to see them each day but I know that they got an awesome opportunity, so I'm very happy for them. And they're not going to be far away at all. Same building in fact :) It's more that the change is hard. That's all. So much keeps changing there, that it's nice to have some consistent things. My office is now more than 3 times bigger than it was when I started there 19 months ago. There are only 8 people left who were there before I started. It's crazy. Which makes it hard and sad.

The other side to today was the sheer immaturity and unprofessionalism of some people. We aren't an overly strict office, which is nice, so long as we all do our work. But lately there has been a core group of people who have being conducting themselves like this is high school rather than a professional office as of late. The frustrating part is that I am not their manager in any way, shape or form but the other supervisors and managers keep coming to me to complain about said group. WTF?

I didn't actually take a lunch break today. I ran out for 10 minutes to buy a sandwhich, but I only ate half and that took nearly 45 minutes to accomplish. And you know what? I don't really mind. It's not something that happens every day. I'm incredibly thankful to have a job. And a good one at that. And one that I actually enjoy doing most of the time. And I get to work with some pretty awesome people. So having to work through lunch from time to time isn't so horrible. I just wish some people would grow the fuck up and realize just how good they have it too.

I'm sure a lot of what I'm feeling right now is just be being over tired. I think I'll go and read for a bit and then head to bed. I can sleep in tomorrow for a little bit, which is nice. I need to get some Christmas shopping done too. I'm just really not in the Christmas spirit. Hell, I lost interest in watching "Frosty Returns" tonight and I shut it off. Oh. And it might snow tonight. Which sucks.

Yeah, I'm going to bed before I get even more cranky than I already am.

Good Night!

Sarah