Lunar Eclipse and Horoscopes.

I like to read my horoscope every day. Not because I 100% believe it, but to use it as a kind of compass to guide my day. Sometimes it's pretty true to my situation and other days it's completely out in left field. The one that appeared in the local free daily on Monday was so accurate, it gives me chills. It said:

"According to the planets you have reached the end of one particular road and what happens in the run-up to Wednesday’s eclipse will point you in a new direction. After that it’s up to you. What’s holding you back? Absolutely nothing."


Long story short, there was indeed a total lunar eclipse this morning. And I signed a contract for a new job this afternoon, which is taking me down a new road as I'm changing departments all together. The new job is also a permanent one, rather than the term to term one that I'm currently in. It's also a higher level of responsibility (and pay!).

I was offered the job 2 weeks ago - on the new moon. I'll be starting the job 2 days shy of the next new moon so I think that's pretty close.

This has been a long time coming. I applied for it nearly a year ago. Career wise, this is the first move I've made that was 100% intentional. Most of my previous jobs have come along by luck or accident. This was a very deliberate action. I am thrilled. I really am. I'm very excited (and a little nervous) about this next adventure.

It's kind of funny. I'm someone who doesn't really like change. I like to be comfortable and routine is that for me. But it also makes me complacent. Which isn't good. So by actively seeking out change, I actually found it. And am welcoming it. Evening looking forward to it. My inner warrior is happy. So very, very happy.

Makes me wonder what other things I can accomplish if I decide to go for them and invite change into my life.....

Good Night!

Sarah

Pick a path....

New Moon

Tonight is a New Moon. It's the period of the month when the night is the darkest, since the moon isn't there to illuminate the blackness. For those uncomfortable with the dark, this can be a scary and troubling time.

But not for me. I enjoy the energy of a new moon. It's symbolic of new beginnings. It's a good time to set intentions for things you want to achieve. A chance to put new ideas in motion. A chance to ask for forgiveness for past actions. A chance to ask the universe for new things. For power. For strength. For hope.

A new start.

The power of the new moon is alive and well and I'm soaking it all in.

The winds of change are picking up.

Good things are coming.

Stay tuned...........

Sarah

Saying Goodbye to 34.

In just over a few hours, I will hit the mid-point of the current decade of my age. Technically it's more like 14 hours since I was born in the evening, but you get the drift.

5 years ago, I was miserable. Even though I go to go home and see my family for my birthday, I was very unhappy. Almost nothing in my life had turned out like I planned. And that made me very, very sad. But here I am, just 5 short years later and almost everything seems so different. I'm happy. I'm once again heading home to see my family and I'm excited about it. I'm really looking forward to it. A lot of those same plans I had 5 years ago still haven't worked out, but it doesn't bother me anymore. You know the old joke "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans"? Yeah, I've kind of learnt to live by that one. Just roll with it. Stop worrying so much.Have faith that the Universe isn't going to drop me on my ass. Let go of the past and the negativity that goes with it. Smile more. Smile for no reason. Love. Just love everyone you can, as often as you can. And stop beating yourself up when you think you've failed. Not every failure is an end or a failure at all.

I've grown so much over the last 5 years that I can hardly believe it. Here's hoping for many, many, many more years of wisdom and happiness. Goodbye 34, you've been awesome!

Good Night!

Sarah

This photo should be a clear indicator to which decade I was born in!

Reflection

I spent a lot of today looking around and thinking about things. Specifically, my life. It was a very reflective day. Some of the stuff that reflected back to me was pretty good and that made me happy. However, the majority of stuff wasn't so good and that made me kind of sad. I didn't sit down and tear myself apart or put myself down. This was just a general evaluation of how things are going in my life. My 35th birthday is only 6 weeks away, so I think that's what spurred on today's thoughts. Time to check in and evaluate things.

I'm doing so much better than I was 5 years ago. When I turned 30, I was miserable. I kept that to myself as much as possible but things were bad. With the exception of still being single, almost everything else has changed and improved. A lot of things in this world get better with age. Apparently I'm one of those.

The problem I have before me at the present is that I've become complacent with my life. Things have gotten better and are going well, so I'm ok with just letting things be. This isn't good. I'm a dreamer. I have a vivid imagination and wild dreams and unfortunately, I seem to be operating under the delusion that I live in a Disney version of the world, where if you wish hard enough, and believe strongly enough *poof*, your magic godmother fairy type person appears and makes all those dreams come true. Yeah, that's not quite how it works.

I've come to the rather sobering realization that if I want any of these wild ass dreams of mine to come true, then I'm going to need to work for them. Really, really work for them. Put plans in place and follow through on them. Strive to be better and not accept mediocrity. I've been doing that my whole life. Like back in high school. I was a good student. Good grades came to me easily, so I never really pushed myself. Same with University. Had I actually pushed myself and really applied myself, I could have got great grades but for some stupid reason, I never felt the need.

But not anymore. This isn't just limited to my personal life either. My work life is going to have to change as well. I need to start looking for the next step. My career needs to grow too. And while complacency can be safe, it's not what I want. Don't get me wrong, I like and most of the time enjoy my job, but it's not my "dream" job and it's not the final destination in my career path either.

I am holding out some hope that the universe will help me along too and I have faith that it won't let me fall on my ass either.

I know what I want and why I want it. I just don't know the Where, as in where this will take me, the Who as in who will I become or the most important and hardest one, the How. That one is going to require some more thought and planning. But I do know that whatever I decide to do or how I decide to approach it all, everything is going to start with one small step, taken with courage, hope and determination. And I'm taking that step right now.

Good Night!

Sarah

Stranger and Stranger

So things at work are getting stranger and stranger. I think we either have ghosts or gremlins who run a-muck when no one's looking. And I think everyone is suffering from a strong cases of Spring Fever. Or Cabin Fever. And in some cases Bieber fever. I'm not kidding about the last one.

Other than that, it's been a pretty normal week thus far. Nothing super exciting to report. I've tried a couple new recipes in the kitchen, with some good success, which is always nice. And I've managed to keep the stove clean for 4 days now. Now that is quite the accomplishment for me!

Change seems to be in the air once again. Maybe it's the fact that Spring is nearly here but it's something that I can feel. A shift in the air, a sensation in my bones. I'm changing. My thinking is changing, my mood is changing, my attitudes towards a lot of things are changing. How I see myself, others and the world around us all is changing. And I think it's all changing for the better. I feel...hopeful. For once I want to embrace change instead of fear it. Go with it and enjoy the ride rather than try to safely plan everything out.

It feels good.

Good Night!

Sarah

Happy New Year: Resolutions for 2013

So I didn't blog last night, mainly because it was New Year's Eve and by the time we'd finished watching the movies, I was way too tired to blog. I thought about blogging this morning but couldn't really get motivated. That and I had too much of an audience. And trust me, my mom has been pouting all day because she didn't have anything to read. I'm pretty sure my brother was too hungover to notice the lack of blog so I'm good on that front.

Looking back, 2012 was a pretty good year. It got off to a kind of sucky start in the fact that I ended up spending New Year's Eve home alone (plans got cancelled on me). But it actually wasn't that bad. I still had fun. 2012 ended in a kind of sucky fashion too seeing as I had a stomach virus at Christmas and just as I started to feel better, I came down with a sinus cold. I'm blaming the cigarette smoke at my parents' place for that. But everything in between was pretty good. I managed to find my way more often than I have in years. I was home for my mom's 65th bday, my niece's Christening and summer holidays. Getting to see family more often was a definite plus. I got a 1 year contract in 2012 (which I'm really hoping to at least repeat that this year) and am doing a job that I actually enjoy doing. I went to Montreal for a weekend all by myself and in doing so proved to myself that sitting around and just hoping for something to happen never works and that I'm a lot braver than I give myself credit for.

I also started blogging in 2012. It's been almost 6 months since I started. Some days I can't believe that I've been able to keep it up this long. Other days I wonder how I ever got by without blogging.

2013 got off to a slightly interesting start with involved watching my parents snake out the sewer clean-out this morning. My mother owns an 18 foot long, professional, sewer snake, designed to go into a sewer clean out and remove any blockages. Seriously? Who else's mom has that (who isn't married to a plumber!)?? Apparently our toilet didn't like the toilet paper currently being used. It wasn't breaking down fast enough I guess. Fun times. I assisted by bringing more newspaper and paper towels. That's a fantastic way to start off the new year. After that was all cleaned up and I got to have my shower, we hit the road and once again visited my favourite 100 year old, Mr. B. I helped him by throwing out some dead plants that were in his house. I'm pretty sure they died of heat stroke. When I picked the one up, he actually asked me to water it. I told him I was pretty sure it was beyond hope. So now he gets to buy new ones. LOL.

This evening, my parents and I went to dinner with my great Aunt and Uncle and my Grandparents. It was really nice. The restaurant wasn't very crowded so we could talk and actually be heard at the other end of the table. After dinner I said my good byes since I'm heading back to Ottawa on Thursday. The tail end of my visits are always a little sad since I have to say goodbye to everyone and 90% of the time, I don't know when I'll see them again.

Since 2013 is here, it's time for some resolutions. I stopped making them several years ago because I never kept them so why bother? But I started making them again a couple of years ago. I just started to get smarter about them and make them less specific. So here are my resolutions for 2013:

1. Be Happy. Seems simple enough right? Not quite. I do have depression issues, which are mostly seasonal in nature but even when I'm happy, I don't let myself actually "be" happy. I start to worry that something bad is going to come along and change everything. Or that my depression will come back at full force. I have to stop that. When I'm happy, I need to embrace it and enjoy it. Not ruin it with "what ifs".

2. Stress less, Worry less, Laugh more. I'm a worrier. I worry, a lot and often. I worry about big things and little things. This leads to stress. I'm almost 600kms away from my office right now, yet I'm already stressing about what's waiting for me when I get back and what work has to be done and in such a short time frame too. ENOUGH! I've had to tell myself several times over the last few days to knock it off and stop worrying about work. I'm only one person. No one else really seems to notice is some of the smaller things don't get done. So long as my boss is happy with my work and I'm happy with my work, then we're good. I have to stop letting it bug me. I need to find more things that I love doing, that make me laugh and smile and focus on those. Leave the worries behind and re-focus my energy.

3. Have faith. This one isn't as religious as you'd think. It's more along the lines of me needing to have faith in myself, in others as well as in God and the Universe. I need to have faith in myself that I will be able to figure everything own in my own sweet time. I need to have faith in others and believe that they won't let me down, won't abandon me if I ask for help or reveal that I don't have it as much together as I lead most people to believe. And I need to have more faith in the fact that God/the Universe isn't going to drop me on my ass. I might be tested, but they won't let me fail. I'm a good person and deserve to be happy.

4. Stop being afraid. Fear is stupid reason for not doing something. And I have to stop letting it be my excuse for not doing things that I want to do. Like Montreal. I got over my fear and had an awesome time. I need to do more of that.

5. Stop being complacent. If I want things to change, I can't just wish the change to happen. I need to get off my ass and make it happen. I have to be the change that I want to be. I have a crappy little apartment. I complain about it all the time. Fine. I need to either move or make changes to make the sucker less crappy. I need to stop accepting mediocre. I don't have a fairy godmother so I need to take whatever steps are necessary to take my dreams and make them real. My 2013 horoscope said " If you can dream it, you can have it. Don't settle for less". Sounds like damn good advice to me.

So that's the list. 5 resolutions for 2013. This year will be a happy and healthy one. And I hope it's full of good luck, good laughter and great people too. And lots and lots of love.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Sarah

Sad, Frustrating, Long, Hard Daze

This week has been a rough one and I'm very glad it's over. Today was the worst of the days.

It was a strange day. I was crazy busy but didn't seem to be able to make any headway with anything. I just kept running into road blocks any time I tried to accomplish anything. Which is crazy frustrating.

We had 4 people leave today. One's only been there for 5 weeks, 1 was kind of already gone but now has really left (was on leave but was offered another job, came back from leave early to take it) and the other two are people who've been there since I before I started. I am a little sad that I won't get to see them each day but I know that they got an awesome opportunity, so I'm very happy for them. And they're not going to be far away at all. Same building in fact :) It's more that the change is hard. That's all. So much keeps changing there, that it's nice to have some consistent things. My office is now more than 3 times bigger than it was when I started there 19 months ago. There are only 8 people left who were there before I started. It's crazy. Which makes it hard and sad.

The other side to today was the sheer immaturity and unprofessionalism of some people. We aren't an overly strict office, which is nice, so long as we all do our work. But lately there has been a core group of people who have being conducting themselves like this is high school rather than a professional office as of late. The frustrating part is that I am not their manager in any way, shape or form but the other supervisors and managers keep coming to me to complain about said group. WTF?

I didn't actually take a lunch break today. I ran out for 10 minutes to buy a sandwhich, but I only ate half and that took nearly 45 minutes to accomplish. And you know what? I don't really mind. It's not something that happens every day. I'm incredibly thankful to have a job. And a good one at that. And one that I actually enjoy doing most of the time. And I get to work with some pretty awesome people. So having to work through lunch from time to time isn't so horrible. I just wish some people would grow the fuck up and realize just how good they have it too.

I'm sure a lot of what I'm feeling right now is just be being over tired. I think I'll go and read for a bit and then head to bed. I can sleep in tomorrow for a little bit, which is nice. I need to get some Christmas shopping done too. I'm just really not in the Christmas spirit. Hell, I lost interest in watching "Frosty Returns" tonight and I shut it off. Oh. And it might snow tonight. Which sucks.

Yeah, I'm going to bed before I get even more cranky than I already am.

Good Night!

Sarah

Blustery Day

It's rather windy here at the moment. Not crazy windy, but enough that I can hear the leaves rustling outside my bedroom window. The news says that this is the result of hurricane Sandy. I say that it's the winds of change. They're blowing.

They've been blowing for a long time. They've been blowing for me. I've heard it. I've felt it. I've known that it's coming for me. And the time has come for me to stop walking away from it. To stop hiding from. To stop being hunkered down in the dark, being afraid of the winds of change, simply because it's easier to stay the course of the status quo.

But the things in life that are the most worth doing, are never the easy things.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”  Mark Twain seemed to get it.

I love myself. I'm proud of the things I've accomplished and the woman I've become. Which is why it's time to change. I owe it to myself to do everything I can to be the happiest, most healthy self I can be.

It's time to turn and face the winds of change. To embrace the them. Feel the wind tickle my hair and whip golden leaves around me. Try to push me. Sting my face. Make thunder in my ears. Blow me into the life I'm meant to be living.

I'm ready. I'm ready to start living my life. I'm ready to face my fears. I'm ready to take the first small steps to being the person I want to be. To live the life I know I was destined for. And to make all my dreams come true. One blustery day at a time.

Good Night.

Sarah



(Not today's wind storm but a wind storm none the less!)

Change and Cobbler

I spent a relaxing evening at home after a rather long day at work. It was only long because I ended up staying late to take care of a few things and to talk to two of the managers. Loads of fun.

I didn't get out for my walk tonight but that was due to an important thing at home: Peach-Blueberry Cobbler. As in I was baking one :) We're having an "End of Summer/Goodbye to the Students" potluck at work tomorrow. The concept is simple. A sign up sheet is put on the wall so that you can tell us what you're bringing (so we don't end up with 6 different Caesar Salads, 20 bags of chips and 19 cakes for lunch). Easy, right? Nope. Getting people to sign up is like pulling teeth. I used to be so different in the office....

We were a much smaller group before and worked much more closely with each other. We've tripled in size since I started and now I keep getting emails from co-workers asking me "Who the hell is so-and-so". LOL. This is the largest staff I've ever worked with. I kind of miss having a smaller group, but it's not like I have any control over things. Change is a part of life and it's not a bad thing. It might be scary but if you just accept it and roll with it, it can be amazing.

I am very much a creature of comfort. I get complacent easily and change usually results in one hell of an anxiety attach (you should see me when I travel - not pretty!). But over the last few years or so, I've developed an interesting relationship with change. I think I finally understand its roll in my life and know why I need it. Now I appreciate it and accept it, especially when it's change for the better.

Now I'm actively working to change a few things and so far, the universe seems to be agreeing with my decision, which in itself is a big change. Usually when I get it in my mind to do something, it seems like the whole world is against me. You know the joke "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans!"? Yeah, something like that. But lately, I think I'm in sync with the world around me and it's a very nice feeling. I will keep a positive outlook on it and keep faith and hope that it sticks around.

On an unrelated topic - only 2 more nights until the Blue Moon.

Good Night!

Sarah

The Peach-Blueberry Cobbler I made for my office potluck.