Days 7,8 and 9 - Three for the price of one

I didn't blog last night or the night before. I was too tired and quite frankly, feeling too depressed to bother.

Sunday was the worst day yet. I had no desire to do anything. I didn't even feel like eating (which has it's pros and cons for me). Nothing would hold my interest. I tried watching movies and would lose inerest afer five minutes. Tried reading and would lose interest after a page or two. The highlight of my day was feed peanuts to a squirrel while I sat on my balcony. I'd toss one down to it. It would run into the tree and sit on branch and eat the peanut and then come back down the tree looking for more. It was really cute.

Yesterday I was back at work...from my home office (aka, kitchen table). It was a busy enough day and it kept me occupied.

I was taken to remark yesterday afternoon, that I was surprised by which one of my demons has decided to surface during this time of uncertainty. If someone had asked me to bet on which one would come out to play, my money would have been on my anxiety. Given all the unknows and such, I should be anxious as hell right now, but I'm not. I'm actually quite calm. I think my brain has decided that the situation is what it is, and there's noting we can do to change it, so just sitting back and relaxing is the way to go. I've got food, I've got cleaning supplies (even if my Windex was hiding on my today), I've got toilet paper. I'm ok. So my anxiety is staying at bay. It's my depression that's hanging around. Normally, this time of year, my "winter blues" (seasonal depression) is waning. I feel better and happier. More energetic. But not this time. Not right now.

I think part of the issue is that I'm actually grieving. While no one died, I did suffer a couple of losses thanks to Covid. I didn't get to visit with my parents (whom I haven't seen since late December) and my knee didn't get fixed. Which has a spiraling effect. I was looking foward to being about to get out and walk again, enjoy the warmer spring temps. I was stating to look ahead to the summer and try to decide where I want to go for holidays, who I wanted to visit. That's all gone now.  There's no point in me travelling anywhere as I can only walk for about 10 minutes before I need to stop. Literally every step I take is painful. I think I'm still greiving the loss of what was supposed to be a return of my freedome.

I am taking some comfort in the fact that there's a reason for my depression for once. Usually there's no rhyme or reason to it but this time, I think I can pin point a reason or two.  And I know that the Universe isn't picking on me, so this isn't a "why me" situation. But it still sucks. And it still hurts. More importantly, I'll allowed to feel this way. Looks like I need to process the grief in order to feel better rather than hoping that the sunshine will just improve my mood. For the record, the nice weather does help. So does feeding the squirrels.

Today was a better day, largely due to the fact that I didn't actually start working until almost 11am. Our system was down this morning and no one could log in remotely. So I used the time to start clearning my bathroom. I think it was a very good use of my time! I made tacos for dinner tonight since it's #tacotuesday. LOL. I still didn't venture out but I did sit on my balcony, twice today, and enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air. I really does help.

Mmmm, tacos

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." - William Shakespeare.

Disappearing Doctor and a Sugarless Surprise

Since I just cleared a world in Candy Crush and I'm currently waiting for 3 friends to send me passes to the next level, I decided I'd kill some time by blogging.

It was an interesting week at work. It was very busy. And not just for me. For a lot of people. Ah, the joy of year end (the fiscal or financial year that is). The ending of this year and getting stuff done for the start of the next one kept me equally busy I'd say. Part of it was my own fault. I requested today off since I had one "use it or lose it" vacation day left and I'm not the type of person to let a perfectly good vacation day go to waste.

My day off was a long and rather interesting one. I've been having problems with my knee for several months now. I very much dislike going to the doctor so I'm a big proponent of "walk it off'". I think it stems from the time when I was 6 and I feel and severely sprained my ankle and broke 2 tiny bones in it and I limped around the house for a day and a half before my mom decided I wasn't faking it and took me to the doctor. So I've been "waking it off" for the last few months, only problem is that it's becoming increasingly more painful to do so. Sigh. Time to see the doctor. Knowing that I had today off, I decided that it would be best to go on my day off so that I didn't miss any additional work. I called the doctor's office on Tuesday and made an appointment for Friday. I asked for the earliest appointment they had. She said "10am". And I said "that's the earliest?" and she said "Yes, the doctor's usually in by then". Sigh. I took it. We had a little bit of freezing rain earlier so I wasn't sure what I was going to encounter on my way to the bus this morning. Thankfully, we didn't get much and it had warmed up already and all the snow we got overnight was starting to melt as well as any of the frozen stuff that feel earlier. I make it to the corner in time to see my bus go by on the other side of the street. Damn thing was 3 minutes early. Sigh. So I wait for the next one and arrive at the doctor's office 5 minutes late (not too bad). I go up to the receptionist, tell her who I am and that I have an appointment with my doctor at 10am and apologize for being late. She just looks at me. And then says "You have an appointment?" Me - Yes. Her - hmmm. Then - the doctor isn't here. And I can't see your appointment in the computer. It looks like it's all blocked off. Me - I called on Tuesday and made an appointment for today. I called at 10:30am. Whoever I spoke to (btw - I know it was her that I spoke to) told me the doctor would be in a 10 and gave me that appointment time. She just looks at me. Then the computer. Then me. Then she says "I don't know where the doctor is. We're expecting him today.". WTF. What kind of doctor just goes MIA?? Beauty part? This isn't the first time this has happened. I told her ask much. She just shrugged at me and gave me a helpless animal type face. Thankfully I don't fall for that kind of BS easily so I just sighed and said "Can I see the other doctor?" And she said "Of Course!" and merrily starts typing away at the computer, gives me back my health card and tells me to take a seat. My doctor is based out of a Walk in clinic so there's always another doctor there except on weekends. Thankfully, the place wasn't busy. I only had to wait about 20 minutes. The walk in doctor was an old dude with a really thick accent that I could hardly understand. He wiggled and twisted my knee all over the place (which hurt) and asked me twice if I had a drug plan (which I do have, thank goodness). He wrote me 3 prescriptions. One is a powerful anti-inflammatory that I have to take twice a day. 2nd one is for a medication to protect my tummy from the anti-inflammatory (it appears to be a drug who's main purpose is to treat ulcers and really bad heartburn). Ok then. The 3rd was the one I asked for, which was just a repeat on my regular meds. Bugger only gave me 3 months worth of that one so I have to go back to see my doctor.  Trying to be good and giving the guy one more chance, I made an appointment for a physical in May. Have to wait and see what happens there.

So after the doctor's office, I went to Curves. It was monthly weigh-in day. I've never been there that early in the day and I'd only eaten breakfast at this point so I'm sure that helped with the weigh in a little bit. Anyhow, it went very well. I'm down 3 inches. I lost a little or stayed the same for every part of my body except my biceps. They increased thanks to the muscle I've built. The best part was what the scale had to say. Down 8.5lbs in the last month. YEEHAW! That's roughly 2lbs a week. The only thing I've changed in my diet is sugar. I've removed it. And apparently that's having some very positive results. I even managed to say no to my biggest temptations yet: The crazy awesome looking and very amazing smelling Ferro Rocher cupcakes that a very awesome co-worked baked for KayD's bday. I was tempted. Boy was I ever. But I held out and the result on the scale today made me very happy about that decision. I know damn well that 1 cupcake wouldn't have an impact on the results I saw today, but it's the principle of my quest that matters. The wonderful photo that appears on tonight's blog are the delightful cupcakes. You'll understand the temptation once you see them. Honestly, they were pretty epic or so I was told by those who ate them :)

After Curves, I celebrated my weight loss by sharing a deep fried snack platter appetizer at lunch with a buddy of mine. It was good. I eventually paid for it (some indigestion this evening...prior to taking the new meds) but it was yummy. This was followed up by a tour of the Canadian History Museum (aka Museum of Civilizations). It used to be my favourite museum in Ottawa but they're currently renovating it and changing a bunch of stuff so a lot of it was closed off to the public which puts a bit of a damper on it. I'm sure it will be awesome once it's done but that's not for another few years. It was still cool to see the Canadian Hall, which is may favourite section. They have re-creations of buildings and homes, schools and churches and they have real artifacts in each area. And some very life-like mannequins that are rather creepy.

By the time we were done at the museum, the fog had really rolled in. That's what happens when warm air hits cold snow and a cold river. And it was pouring rain too. Traffic wasn't too bad and I got dropped off at the mall so that I cold get my prescriptions filled. I remembered to by lottery tickets yet forgot to buy milk. D'oh! Now I don't have milk for my morning tea/coffee. Dammit. Guess I know what I'm doing first thing tomorrow. Either that or I'll be drinking green tea.

All in all, it was a very interesting day and enjoyable for the most part. It would have been nicer if I could have walked the museum rather than limped it, but hopefully these meds help and I can get back to normal. If not, I'll be seeing my doctor (if he shows up) sooner than my planned visit in May.

I should toddle off to bed (aka curl up in bed and read for another half hour or so) as I need to get a lot of stuff done this weekend. Another busy week ahead!

Good Night!

Sarah

Amazing, right??!!