Count Your Blessings.

I've had a very rough couple of weeks. It's nothing that's happened to me specifically, just people around me. I felt like I was the only thing standing still in the middle of a tornado. All kinds of bad things happening to good people and I felt so helpless, because there wasn't much I could do to help everyone. I did what I could but somehow, it didn't feel like anything at all.

And then I get to work today, after commuting in on the bus like I do everyday, to hear that 6 people had died quite horrifically, doing the same thing I'd just done - commuted to work. They got on a bus, heading to school or work like any other day. Except their bus hit a train today and mine arrived safely, like normal.
After work, I got on a bus again, like I do everyday and I made it home, safe and sound. Just like we're supposed to.

So in light of all the bad, here's some good stuff:

Last Wednesday, a co-workers 20 year old son (who worked for us this summer too) collapsed while playing basketball and had to be shocked 3 times with a defib. before he started to breath again. He's now awake, breathing on his own, talking and has no brain damage and will hopefully be going home soon. Crazy happy news.

One of my closest friend's husband had a CT scan last week because they thought he might have cancer. Something had shown up on a chest X-Ray last month that didn't look good. So after waiting over a month, doing the whole "what if" thing, they got the test results back tonight: NO CANCER!!!!!!! Very Happy News!

And to round it out, a couple co-workers who've been working part time and haven't been able to find full time steady work were all able to get full time positions!!!! Very Happy News!

So there's some wonderful news to share. I'm now going to go and count my blessings and go to bed.

Good Night.

Sarah

Where the Hell Am I??

Ok. So where the hell have I been? I haven't blogged in over a month and I've had several people point that out to me and some even tried to demand that I start writing again. LOL. While I'm glad to see that people are actually interested in the crap I write, I needed a break. And that was for a couple of reasons.

The number one reason is: I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my right hand and yes, I'm right handed. It was so painful I could barley hold a pen or an eating utensil. Using a can opening made my hand feel like it was on fire and typing not only hurt, but made my fingers go numb. In fact, just typing these two paragraphs has made my thumb and pointer finger go numb. Thankfully, the pain is more or less gone. The doctor gave me a note for an ergonomic assessment at work (got a new keyboard tray and wrist rest) and I'll be getting a new split keyboard. I'm also sleeping with a brace on, which really seems to be helping. If everything goes well, I won't need surgery and things will correct themselves.

The number two reason for not blogging is that I needed to think some stuff through. Birthdays do that to me.

Speaking of birthdays, I had a great one. I went home for the weekend and my family threw my great aunt an amazing 80th bday party and the included me in it. I got balloons and a horrible necklace and personalized chocolates. It was fantastic. I got to see a lot of family I haven't seen for a very long time and a very special family friend too. I felt very, very loved. I really do have an amazing family. I'm so blessed and lucky to have them. I miss them all very much, especially my parents. But this is two bdays that I've been home for that my mom has gotten out of baking a cake for me. LOL.  It was a great visit and I had some good train karma on the way back and ended up and a 4-seater all to myself. I had to laugh. While looking out the window, I saw an old guy on a riding lawn mower and he waved at the train as it went by.  I waved back.

Things returned to normal when I got back. I went out for a belated bday dinner with some co-workers. I had a giant ass glass of wine. It was a very fun night. Then the post birthday blues came to visit and sadly, they're still kind of kicking around. They're nagging me at the back of my head. I know that the vast majority of them are unfounded and I now I'm leap years ahead of where I was five years ago. But there's still some major disappointments there. Things I haven't done, goals I haven't accomplished. And I'm mad and frustrated with myself and I'm a little sad.

And the universe is playing tricks on me too. So not impressed there. Work's been really stressful too. I thought we were supposed to slow down in the summer. It sure doesn't look like that will be happening. And it just seems to me that the bigger our office gets, the less people seem to know how to do stuff themselves. Example - I called in sick today. I woke up feeling like crap. I was achy and my eyes were puffy and swollen. So I took an Advil and went back to sleep. Anyhow, I was checking my work email later in the day and I got an email from one co-worker, saying that there were window cleaners doing our windows and maybe I should send an email to the staff warning them. WTF?? They're window cleaners, not terrorists and THERE'S BEEN A NOTICE IN THE LOBBY FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit. People really don't pay attention and OMG, I have much more important things to do in a day at work than worry about shit like that.

In case you're curious, it's taken me just over 2 hours to write all of this. I have to keep taking breaks because my fingers keep going numb.

Ok. Just take a deep breath and keep going. Everything's ok. Just be patient and the Universe will bring you what you need when you need it, not when you think you need it. Just now I think I need to plant my ass on a beach in Bora-Bora for a week. But I can't afford that trip in this life time so I guess I'm just going to have to take some more Advil and head back to work and keep heading for that light at the end of the tunnel.

Good Night.

Sarah

My very awesome birthday cake.

Oh, What A Night

Yes, I have a Billy Joel song stuck in my head (and yes, I know that it's a cover of the 4 Seasons)

I think I spent a wee too much time in the sun yesterday. I could hardly keep my eyes open by bed time. I almost didn't make it all the way through the hockey game (which Ottawa won 6-1). Actually, it was more of a boxing match than a hockey game. Both teams were running out of players. I haven't seen anything quite like it before.

Work today was....frustrating. It's a case of "the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing" or maybe a "too many cooks in the kitchen". Either way, it leads to frustration because you can't really move ahead until everyone is moving in the same direction. And it's not just me who's frustrated. I can see it on the faces and in the eyes of some of the people I work directly with. It's hard. Something I'd love to offer up my thoughts and suggestions but I don't feel that it's my place to do so. Instead, I support where I can and just keep at it, knowing that things will all work out in their own time.

Our weather was fantastic again today. 27 and sunny. A little too warm for May in my opinion but I'll take it. It does look like spring will return for us on the weekend though.

My evening was pretty good. I had every intention of doing the dishes but I never got there. I watched a new episode of Castle and then starting to putter about. Without going into details, because some of my life I still wish to keep private, I took a leap of faith and started to put into action some things to help me live a happier life. A few baby steps on the way to living the life I want to live. It was a moving experience and my soul feels happy tonight. That's the only way I can explain it. I really think that God/The Universe/The Goddess....whoever, whatever may have given me something that I've been asking for. Something I've been requesting for some time now. It's possible that I had earlier and was just too closed off to see it or maybe I just got it. I'm looking forward to seeing where this new path leads.

Don't worry if I sound like I'm not making sense. I assure you, I'm not off my rocker. Well, no more than usual. It makes sense in my head and that's all that matters at the moment. Perhaps I'll work on some clarity next.

Good Night!

Sarah