That's so Canadian

Look at that. We finally got some rain. Not nearly as much as we need but just enough to steam everything up. Atleast something in my life is steamy. Thankfully, the rain stopped so I didn't have to figure out if I was motivated enough to walk in the rain. I actually saw steam rising off the path. It was rather cool to see. While out on my walk this evening, I saw three rabbits and a beaver. Why yes, I did say beaver. This actually makes the second one I've seen this summer. And I wasn't even trying to call it out (long story). Seriously? How Canadian is that?  The creek by my place was running fuller and faster thanks to the rain and I looked over and saw something swimming through the current, across the creek. It was a beaver with a branch in its mouth. If I head out tomorrow and the path is flooded, I'll know why.

I really needed my walk tonight. I had to clear my head and shake off the day. Work was insane today, to the point where I was getting frazzled. I don't like to be frazzled. I start making stupid mistakes and get upset and cranky when I'm frazzled. But a frazzled day there is still better than some good days I've had at previous jobs.

For the first time in a long time, I genuinely enjoy my job. I think a lot of it has to do with the people I work for and with. For the most part, they're an awesome bunch. I definitely laugh more at my current job than I think I've ever laughed at any other place I've worked. Sometime I'm laughing with my co-workers and sometimes it's at them. More often than not, it's with. While my job title seems simple enough: Administrative Assistant, it's actually more like "The keeper of the chaos". Apparently, someone, somewhere, decided to make me responsible for controlling the chaos that is our office. Well hot damn. The jokes on them. I'm usually the one creating the chaos. I'm actually quite good at it. Create the chaos and walk away. LOL.

But today was one of those days where I wish I had a door on my cubicle so that I could shut it and shut out the world for a little bit. Just put on some music and focus on organizing the chaos. Both on my desk and in the office as a hole. But I don't have a door and I don't have that luxury and I had 4 interviewees in today.... two of which I momentarily forgot about. But so did the hiring manager, so it worked out well. See? Frazzled. And as I learnt last week, I'm not allowed to have a bad day at work.

Apparently, when I have a bad day at work, I freak out my co-workers. Last Monday wasn't a good day. I was tired and my buddy depression was hanging out thanks to his good friend, PMS. I am very much aware of it when I'm not my usual, chipper self. And while I don't really like being sad and depressed, I've got to a place in my life where I can accept the fact that those days happen. I understand why they happen and I've even given myself permission to feel that way...so long as I'm not there longer than 2 days max. Anyhow, last Monday was rough. One of my female co-workers was rather taken back by my sullen mood and kept questioning me as to whether or not I was alright. I managed to scare one of my male co-workers who thought that I might actually kill him given the looks I kept shooting him (in my defence, he's can be quite the jackass). When I was feeling better than next day, co-worker A actually showed visible relief on her face. She seemed to think that I was dying or someone stole my puppy or something the day before. I was like "Nope, just had a bad day." Crap. As much fun as freaking out one's co-workers is, I don't recommend it. It makes them uneasy and an create a bit of an uncomfortable work environment.

As a result, I've gotten very good at faking it. Yes, yes, joke away.But I mean it. Days like last Monday and today...by the time I get to the bus, I'm so emotionally exhausted from pretending that I've got my shit together and that I'm happy and everything is cool, that I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. Thankfully the uber dark sky and impending storm distracted me this afternoon and helped to perk me up a bit.

So, it makes me wonder - if I'm faking it to get through my day at work for the sake of my co-workers...how many of my co-workers are doing the same?  How many of them put on an act for the rest of us? How many other feel the need to protect their true selves like I do? And why do they do it? Are they trying to make things easier for those around them like I am? Are they trying to keep other people out because they're afraid of what would happen if they made some new friends and let people in? Maybe they're just zombies in disguise, waiting for us to be lulled into a false sense of security before they eat our brains?

Who knows?

And with that, it's time for bed. Good night world and to any co-workers who may stumble upon this: I'll try to be in a better mood tomorrow, for real.

Sarah