Growth

One thing that most of us have in common is the need, desire and drive for personal growth. Some people seem to be able to accomplish this better than others. And after something I discovered today, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at it too.

To gauge our growth, we have to look to the past and evaluate the people we were then and then people we are now. I'm not a big fan of doing that. I try hard not to live in the past. And I try very hard to not let bad memories/experiences from the past have a negative influence on things I do now. For someone who hates change, I'm doing a fairly decent job at embracing it.

Since I have a 4 day long weekend and have a friend coming to visit in 3 weeks, I decided that this weekend would be a good time to start my spring cleaning. I made some really good headway on Friday and threw out a lot of stuff that wasn't useful anymore and was just taking up space. Yesterday I decided that I needed to find a new way to store my shoes/boots/sandals. There's not enough room in the hall closet for them and their current location of being in a pile by the door doesn't work well, especially since I keep tripping over them and then when I go hunting for a pair, I can only find one half since I've punted the other one halfway across the kitchen. Anyhow, I remembered that I have two large plastic bins in my closet (currently being used as a shelf for my TP and Kleenex). I thought that one of them might be a good container for my shoes. So this evening, I decide to grab one and clean it out.

These bins have been in the closet since I moved back from Calgary...4 years ago. I have no idea what's in them really. I think I've only opened them once or twice since I moved back. The bin I grabbed contained a whole mess of misc. items: Birthday cards from family and friends, note cards, a couple Christmas cards, souvenirs from various trips, post cards from friends and family, a couple of neat things from my past that I decided somewhere along the way that I wanted to keep (like the interview I did with Sean M. from Great Big Sea...which my buddy Kevin got the band to sign for me when he met them!). A lot of it brought back a whole bunch of memories. I ended up throwing out 2/3s of the box.

The me from 4+ years ago found some need to keep a lot of this stuff, but the me today didn't. Somewhere in the last 4 years, I've grown and emotionally developed enough to put away those parts of my past. Sure, I did keep a few sentimental things. I kept a few cards from my parents that had supportive and motivations messages from them inside. Who doesn't need a little pick me up every now and again eh? And I did keep the last birthday card that my Gram sent me before she passed away. Seeing her hand writing on the page made me smile and miss her tremendously. I also found the copy of the Tennyson Guyer poem "The World Is Mine" that my Gram gave me when I was a little girl. I kept that too.

I also found something that I really no flipping idea what I was thinking when I decided to keep it. It's my journal from mid 2000 off and on until mid-2002. I could feel the negativity coming off it in waves without evening opening the book. Those were some of the darkest times of my life. I was so un-sure of myself. So depressed and frustrated yet there were pockets of hope. Why the hell did I keep it?? I only read a few random pages in it but it was enough to remind myself that I never want to go back to that place again. Keeping it the last time I came across it was a mistake. I believe that you can only make any one mistake once because the next time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice. So this time, I'm choosing to get rid of it. Burning it seems like a fantastic idea. LOL. I'm more likely going to tear it to shreds and just toss it out however. I don't want to risk anyone thinking that I'm attempting to burn my apartment down. The memories of those years are in my brain. I've learnt from my mistakes, have grown and moved on. I don't need the visual reminder.

Four years ago, when faced with the same task as today, I couldn't bring myself to throw a lot of that box away. But today, I did. That is growth. That is emotional development. That is making peace with the past and moving on. And all of that makes me very happy and quite proud of myself.

Speaking of being proud of ones self, I pulled off a couple of culinary firsts for myself this evening. I cooked a prime rib roast for the first time (just a little, one rib one) and it turned out perfectly! My mom would have loved it since it was nice and juicy. Dad would have hated it. He's a well done kind of guy. LOL. I also make Yorkshire Pudding for the first time ever. They were actually really easy and turned out quite well. I really enjoyed my dinner and I have a lot left over. It's dinners like these that make me wish I had someone to share them with. I really do enjoy cooking for others, especially if they're willing to do the dishes up in return.

I think I'm going to try to get more cleaning and some laundry done tomorrow and I might just venture out to see if I can find some reduced to clear Easter chocolate.

Good Night!

Sarah

My little Yorkshire Puddings

An (almost) Perfect Day!

What a day! Finally, after months and month of ice, snow, cold and bleak weather, we were reminded today that humans are meant to be outdoors.

I started my day off by sleeping in. I then had a lovely shower, did my hair and make up and headed downtown to meet Gidgett for brunch. She was kind enough to retrieve my iPod for me which I'd left at work on Thursday, so I feel whole again. The brunch we were headed to wasn't just any brunch. It was a special, epic one, at my favourite restaurant: Courtyard Restaurant.

That place is amazing. It's in an old stone building and is beautifully decorated. The food is out of this world. This is what I had " 'Perfect' Scrambled Eggs, Crème Fraiche and Chives, Sourdough Toast, Bacon or Sausage, Oven-Roasted Tomato, Herbed Hash Brown". I have to admit, they really were perfect scrambled eggs. Before the main course, they served as a scone with jam (which was delicious), we had a mimosa to drink with our meal (champagne and orange juice) and then for dessert, we each ordered a different option and then split the two. We had: "Flourless Chocolate Cake, Cherry Purée, Cherry Crumble" and "Sticky Toffee Pudding, Caramel Sauce, Crème Anglaise" Both were outstanding. The Sticky Toffee Pudding was my favourite. I'm pretty sure this is where I want to go for my birthday dinner.

After all that food, we headed out into the sunshine and the market. We met up with Adele and went on a sight seeing/shopping tour of the market. I ended up coming home with fresh spinach and feta ravioli, roasted garlic tomato sauce, highly addictive rosemary and sea salt artisan bread crisps, drunken sausages (they have Mill St. beer in them) and some cupcakes from the Cupcake Lounge. It was a good outing. I had the pasta for dinner and 1 cupcake for dessert. A winning combination really. The sun was out the whole time we were venturing about. It was so great to feel its warmth on my skin again. It renewed my soul and spirit and gave me new hope that the warm spring weather will soon be here. It was also nice to spend some time with a couple of ladies who I rarely see outside of work. It's very therapeutic to be able to talk to people who can relate to some of the stuff I'm dealing with or for me to be able to offer advice because they're going through something I'd been through before. It nice seeing things from a different perspective too.

After dinner, I was ready to settle down for the night when Xtintor texted. He was home alone for the night as his ladies were at the in-laws so he asked if I'd like to go for coffee. Despite being rather sleepy and having already taken my bra off, I said yes. I got dressed and we headed out. I opted for herbal tea while he went for the Venti, full caffeine version. We headed to Britannia Park where we found a trail near the beach that was mostly clear of snow. We walked and talked and admired all the beautiful stars that are out tonight.

Just as I was being dropped off, my father phoned to rub in the fact that his hockey team beat my hockey team. I guess there had to be one flaw in my otherwise perfect day. LOL.

So now I'm quite sleepy and I'm pretty sure my feet stopped talking to me about a half hour ago. I think sleeping in tomorrow is definitely in the works. So's cooking a prime rib roast (never tackled one of those before).  I hope everyone has a very happy Easter.

Good Night!

Sarah

Outside of my favourite restaurant (in the summer)

4 Day Weekend!!

It's finally here. I didn't think it would come, but it's finally here. The coveted 4 day weekend. Now for those of you who are about to start bitching that you don't get 4 days off...Family Day back in February wasn't a day off for me so this makes us even.

The morning was pretty calm. The Easter egg hunt went well and I'm pretty sure all the eggs were found. I also ended up with a good deal of chocolate - gifts from my co-workers. That's kind of nice since the Easter Bunny usually doesn't come to my place anymore. I don't think he can hop up all those stairs.

5 of us went out for a nice lunch for Xtina's birthday (which is tomorrow). The food was good and so was the company. We pretty much just venting about work all lunch. It was very cathartic. Best part? We had lots of time to eat and we didn't have to rush to get out of there. B and I were on time for French class. In fact, we were in the lobby waiting for the elevator when our teacher came strolling in. Once again, there were only 3 of us in class. Which kind of makes for a fun class. We get more practice this way and more individual attention, which is really great. Class flew by. We all got tripped up on the last 2 exercises of the day. We had a map and the directions were read out (in French of course) and we had to say which location they instructions took you too. LOL. What a gong show that was. I kept getting my droit and gauche mixed up (right and left). It was fun though.

I got home at a decent hour and was able to drop all my stuff off at home and then head out to Walmart and the grocery store. I stocked up on a few things for the weekend and then came home and made my Tofu Udon Noodle Soup for dinner. It was really good and I have a lot left over for lunch tomorrow.

Apparently B and I missed some fun while we were in class. Somewhere between 3:15 and 3:45, the computer systems went down.  Our evening peeps were doing a bunch of manual things with the mail and such until it came back online. That really had to suck. I bet everyone was hoping to be sent home early. I can't say I blame them. An early start to a long weekend would be great.

Speaking of early starts, I think I might opt to get an early start on sleeping. I woke up at 4:30 this morning and could not get back to sleep. It was so friggin' annoying! I think I feel asleep about 15 minutes before my alarm went off. I was not a happy camper. But I get to sleep in tomorrow so that's great. I probably should spend tomorrow cleaning, since my friend Michelle arrives in 20 days :)

Good Night!

Sarah

Signs of spring!!

Common Sense Doesn't Seem So Common

For a short week, it's kind of feeling rather long. That might also be due to the fact that I've managed to get my days mixed up almost all week. I knew Monday was Monday but that was the end of that. Everything's been messed up since. LOL. Just one more day...actually, it's only a half day since I have French tomorrow afternoon. Wow. I'm kind of excited about going to French class. That's kind of messed up. What an amazing difference switching to the afternoon and actually having a good teacher can do for your outlook eh?

So, it was pot luck day at the office. We didn't have quite as many people participating as in the past but we still had a good turn out and the food was excellent, as usual. My taco pies were a hit and there wasn't anything left over so I was happy. Which reminds me, I have half a tub of sour cream in my back pack. I really need to put that into the fridge. Oops. A few of my co-workers and I have decided that we need to develop "Pot Luck Etiquette" for the next one. Things like "don't hog the pizza" (16 slices, 50 people participating in the pot luck - taking more than one piece is just plain rude!!). You know, things that should be common sense but aren't.

Just like the fact that I have to send a memo to the staff tomorrow that reads "Don't put paper towels in the toilets". Seriously??? WTF? Who does that!!!??? Who is stupid enough to do that? And why the hell do you have paper towels in the stall with you in the first place? Yes, the building supplied TP sucks, but it's still better than the sandpaper paper towels they provide. Or how about ensuring that the toilet bowl has cleared before leaving the stall? How hard is it to watch to see if everything goes down and if it doesn't (our toilets don't have the best water pressure), I dunno, try flushing again? When did common sense become so un-common? People really don't seem to have any respect for their co-workers or their work place anymore. When I'm at work, I pick up after myself. If I use the last of something, I go and get more. Just basic things that makes work easier for whoever comes along next.

Sigh. Some people. LOL.

Good Night!

Sarah

Why yes, that is an out house,.

Nagging Thoughts and all that Jazz

Something's "off". But I don't know what it is. I wish I could put my finger on it so that I could address it, but I can't. It's like a quiet, gentle, nagging sensation in the back of my head. It's not so annoying that I'm always aware of it but it's loud enough that when I'm trying to relax, I can't fully do so. I kind of hope it's just spring fever. A need to get off the couch and get back out there into the world, into the light. I've been doing a little meditation before bed lately and that seems to help relax me and turn my thoughts off long enough to fall asleep. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something and I haven't been patient enough to sit down and try to figure out what the message is. Maybe it's the full moon (ok, it's not full until tomorrow but close enough). Maybe it's stress.

Work has been a strange atmosphere lately. One of my co-workers nailed it the other day. He said that was having a great day, happy go lucky, until he walked into the office and it's like the all the happiness got sucked out of him. I completely understand. There's almost an air of negativity hanging around lately. It's very  strange and there's no real rhyme or reason to it.  Maybe everyone's grumpy because of the weather. It was so shitty for so long. Maybe now that nicer, sunnier weather is here, everyone will be a little more sunny themselves. Maybe everyone just needs a break.

I'm very much looking forward to the long weekend. I've got 4 days off. I can spend one day cleaning, one day having fun, one day doing nothing at all and the 4th day gets to be the wild card. An "anything" can happen kind of day. I'm really excited about Saturday. I get to have brunch at my favourite restaurant and then possibly get up to some shenanigans in the market. I hope the forecast holds. It's supposed to 7 and sunny on Saturday.

Today is a very special day. It's Sloan's (my niece) first birthday. I can't believe it's been a year already. I've only got to meet her 3 times but I've enjoyed it each and every time. She really is an adorable and remarkable little thing. I see my brother in a lot of the faces she makes. Reminds me of when he was a kid.

Happy Birthday Sloan! Aunt Sarah loves you very much and I can't wait to see you again.

Good Night!

Sarah

Just like me...Daddy's little girl :)

Day Off - Attempt #2

As you may recall, I took a day off last month. And it snowed. And snowed. And snowed. As a result, my day out with NB and Baby D didn't turn out as well as planned (except for the wonderful catch up time at her place). So, we opted to try it again today.

Thankfully, Mother Nature co-operated and we didn't get the all day flurries that Environment Canada had been calling for. Yay! Making things even better, NB's hubby took the day off and came with us so that he could help out with Baby F, which meant we got time to go and shop. And shop we did. I only came out of the day with 3 new tops but NB cleaned up. Baby D seemed to enjoy his day out too and even had a rather nice nap while we hit up one last store after finishing at the mall.

It was a very lovely day and I'm glad I got to see all of them. We didn't get to chat quite as much as I would have liked, but we did have fun trying on clothes. The pink "Jessica Simpson" pants I tried on at The Bay made for a good laugh. I also discovered that Mrs. Tiggy Winkles has more awesome stuff in it than I ever remember it having. Baby D got 2 new, very cool toys there. He sure seemed to like them. I almost broke down and bought some toys too. I found some awesome stuff to get for my nieces and nephews later on and  even found stuff I want (like the Big Bang Theory trivia games). Baby D really is friggin' adorable. At one point he did something that made me laugh and then he laughed at me laughing at him. So cute! Watching him interact with other kids and babies is just incredible. I'm really happy that NB and I got to spend some "girl time" together and got some pretty decent shopping done in the process. I'm sure everyone is going to sleep well tonight. I think we all managed to tire ourselves out.  But it was worth it to get nice new clothes for spring. Now we just need Mother Nature to co-operate and bring us Spring!

And I'm pretty sure we saw a coyote while we were stopped at a red light too. That's not quite something you see every day. It goes along with the two deer I saw last night en route to the Sens game.

The Sens game. It was Ottawa vs. Boston. I've never seen Boston play so it was a new adventure for me. I was originally going with Gidget from work but alas, March struck again and she had to go home for a funeral. So my back up plan was put in place and that saw Xtinktor and I heading out. Only problem? X is a damn Montreal fan. It's not as bad as a Leaf's fan but still. It turned out to be a good game. We had decent seats and the teams were well matched. Sadly, Ottawa lost with only 1:04 left to play in the 3rd. Shots on goal were 28 for Ottawa and 29 for Boston so, like I said, it was evenly matched. There wasn't a single penalty called in the first period. Sadly, the refs made some questionable calls in the 2nd and 3rd (for both teams) and made a couple really questionable off side calls too (again, for both teams). Other than that, it was a great game. There was a woman there who's 95 and was attending her very first Sens game. I thought that was really cool.

So it's been a pretty cool last day and a half. I got to go out and about, spend time with some awesome people and be able to get away from work and stop stressing for a bit, which feels AWESOME!!! And the best part? It's the weekend so I have 2 more days to relax and do whatever tickles my fancy.

Oh, and congrats to my baby brother for passing his practical exam, despite being in pain/having ringing in his ear. Seriously, he's the most accident prone person I've ever met. But he's now got his certification (pipe fitter?? Not 100% sure on that...) and that's awesome.

Ok, I think it's time to pay one last visit to Facebook and the head to bed. I'll leave everyone with some photos from the game last night.

Good Night!

Sarah

Emotions

Those of you who follow my blog may have noticed that I haven't been writing as often. I've been really tried lately so by the time I've thought to blog, I'm just too drained to do it. So I'm attempting to blog earlier today in hopes of being able to stay awake and think clearly long enough to get something out.

The other issue is that there's a lot of very sad things happening in the little world around me and they've been on my mind a lot. And is silly as it sounds, I didn't want that sadness coming out in my blog. But that's the point of my blog. To write about what I think and feel and get it out of my system.

I'm a very emotional person. When I was a teenager, I used to think that people who expressed their emotions so much were saps and I made fun of them. Well I guess Karma's a bitch because that's kind of the person I turned into. When I'm really happy, I cry, but I laugh at the same time. When I'm sad, I cry. When I laugh too much, I cry. When I tired or frustrated, I cry. When I'm mad....ok, that's like the only time I don't cry. My point is, I'm very much in touch with my emotions. I recognize them and that they're there. They exist. And no, I don't spend a lot of my time crying. It's actually been fairly rare as of late, well before the last 2 weeks. I'm not a weepy person. I just recognize them and I know how and when to keep them in check and I know when to let them go.

Society put so much emphasis on hiding those emotions. We're supposed to pretend that nothing makes us sad and if it does, we keep it to ourselves. Heaven forbid a man cries - they're seen as less masculine. A woman who cries is seen as weak. Why? We all have emotions and keeping them bottled up inside is never a good thing.

To add to my connection to my emotions, I'm also quite empathic. Meaning, I pick up on and react to the emotions of people around me. If people around me are stress or tense or there's a large amount of tension going on between a group of people - I get a knot in my stomach. If people around me are being overly negative or angry - I become exhausted and edgy. If people around me are sad - I start feeling depressed too. I'm sure we all react those around us but I just seem to react to them more than most.

All of this back story is to say that I almost started to cry on the bus on the way home tonight. I was reading an email on my phone from my mom. She attended the second funeral of a dear friend today. It was Mr. B's funeral. My mom was telling me how sad it was and that they played the "Last Post", and that kind of did my mom in. It would have done me in too. I'm sure I would have been a mess long before they got to that part.

The whole thing makes me sad. The fact that my mom had to go to the funeral alone upsets me. It's one of those times that I wished I lived closer, so that I could have gone with her for moral support. Mr. B was like a second father to her so you can understand why she's sad. And the fact that Mr.B's daughter has lost both of her parents in the course of 1 week - that she's had to to go through 2 separate visitations and 2 separate funerals, each a week a part. It makes my heart break for her. And then there's me. I've known Mr. B my entire life. This past summer, my dad and I took him grocery shopping. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun in a grocery store. He was a hoot and a half. He got me to help him fill up a bag full of chocolate covered almonds from the bulk section. I put a big scoop in and then he told me to add more. I did. Then he told me to add more. So I did. This went on a few times and we had quite a full bag of almonds. He looked at me and said "Yup, that should last the week" LOL. I think the bag cost $12 on its own! Mr. B was quite the card, a real character. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm blessed just to have known him. And I really hope his family has a chance to grieve and heal now.

The weather here isn't helping either. It's still snowing. Today's the first day of Spring but you wouldn't know it by looking outside. We're in for another 7cms of snow or so between tomorrow morning and Friday morning. I'm just so sick of the cold and snow. Here's hoping the sunshine and warm weather find us soon.

Good Night!

Sarah

Mr.B and I

My mom and Mr.B

Sightings and the March of Death Continues

As the weekend is winding down, I'm thinking about my week and the fact that the weekend is far too short. Seriously. We should have 4 day work-weeks and 3 day weekends. I like that idea much better. We've got a full house this week at work so that should be fun.

This weekend has been a "run into people" kind of weekend. Not literally of course. I go months and months without seeing random people I know while I'm out and then this weekend it happens to me 3 times in one day.

Yesterday, I went to Costco with JD. Before that, we went to Cora's for breakfast. It was good, or at least mine was. JD wasn't overly impressed with his but I quite enjoyed mine and it really did come with a mountain of fruit, just like advertised. Just as we were finishing up and about to get the bills, I looked up and my friend KayD's sister and her boyfriend had just sat down. I waved and she got up so I met up with her and chatted and she introduced me to her man and we teased her about being a Montreal fan and not an Ottawa fan. You know, usual, stereotypical Canadian conversation. LOL.

Next up, JD and I had just cashed out at Costco (and I was under budget!) when I looked up and noticed that one of the cashiers looked really familiar. Took me about 5 seconds and then I placed him. His name is Justin and I went to College with him. Talk about random. I don't think I've seen him once since I graduated and that was almost 11 years ago.

After JD dropped me off, I headed to the mall as one of my favourite stores had bras and sleep ware on sale. I stuck out with the bras this time but got two new nighties (buy one, get one free) and got 5 new pairs of panties, one of which matches one of my new nighties. How's that for co-ordination? I also got 2 pairs of tights and a 3 pack of trouser socks on the reduced to clear rack. I love saving money :)  While waiting to the bus back home, I heard someone say "Hi Sarah" and I turned around and there was a woman who used to work in my office. She was with her family so I chatted politely for a few minutes before they headed out.

So that was 3 random people in one day.Oh and I saw one of the local news reporters in the mall.

Today I stayed at home and cleaned and hand washed more of my bras. I did the dark coloured ones yesterday and then the light coloured ones today. My bathroom looks like a lingerie ad.

March continues to be a notorious month as well. One friend's step son was stabbed (he's in stable condition and is eating ok etc...) and another lost her father - exactly one week after losing her mother. There's a very real phenomenon where people who are really old or have been together a very long time die within a short time of one and other. Mr.B was 100 so I guess you could say that he'd live a good and long life. He was a very sweet man and I feel blessed just having known him. Now that he and his wife have been re-united with my grandparents and all their old friends, I'm guessing that there's going to be one heck of a bonspiel going on up there in Heaven. I do feel really bad for his daughter and grand daughters. They haven't got over the death of their mother/grandmother from last week and now they have to do it all over again this week. I hope that's the end of the bad things for them for a good, long while.

And March wasn't good to my brother either. He ended up at the hospital Friday morning because he blow his nose and ended up blowing out his eardrum. I told him "I guess that's proof that you really do blow". I don't think he thought my joke was funny. Clearly he wasn't taking enough pain meds. I thought it was a damn funny joke. Poor guy though. I hope he's all better soon and that it's nothing serious/no permanent damage done.

I really hope that March is done with all of its misfortunes. One good thing did come of today. Being St. Patrick's Day, I decided to try to Irish Pear Cider I'd bought last month and forgot was in my fridge. It was really, really good! I've found a new alcohol to enjoy!! YAY!!! And it doesn't taste anything like beer so I'm thrilled about that.

Good Night!

Sarah

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Another Week Down

So I successfully made it through another week. This one definitely was one of the more bizarre ones. I'm looking forward to things being a little more sane in the office next week. And we get to play with large quantities of chocolate next week too! We're making candy grams to sell as an office fundraiser.

I made some baby steps towards being a little more organized this week too, at both home and in the office. I was able to get some of my desk organized today and at home, I've been keeping on top of the dishes and recycling. I hate doing the dishes. It's one of those chores that I simply dislike. I miss having a dishwasher. My apartment in Calgary had one. It was awesome. Anyhow, I managed to keep on top of them this week and rather than let them pile up for the week (my usual M.O), I actually did them up almost every night. Yay me.

Tomorrow I'm attempting another adventure with my buddy JD. We're going to tackle Costco...on a Saturday. LOL. We are going to try to be there for when the place opens, which may cut back on some of the crowds but who knows. It will be a fun adventure none the less. I think I might do a little more shopping in the afternoon (sans JD) as one of my favourite stores has their lingerie and sleepware on sale. I'm thinking that I might want a new piece of sleep ware for Spring. And I might have a slight bra addiction too so picking up on sale would rock.

I'm disliking it being dark in the mornings when I get up, but I'm quite liking the sun being up past dinner time. It's making me feel a lot better. I didn't even really get overly depressed about the snow we had today. Stupid weather. I'm really not impressed with those ground hogs that predicted an early spring.

Now it's time to go and wash up and relax for a bit before bed. Before shopping, I get to do one of my favourite things tomorrow: sleep in. Ahhhh, the simple pleasures in life.

Good Night!

Sarah

I couldn't find my photo of a ground hog, so here's a photo of my grandparent's cat playing with plastic.

Stranger and Stranger

So things at work are getting stranger and stranger. I think we either have ghosts or gremlins who run a-muck when no one's looking. And I think everyone is suffering from a strong cases of Spring Fever. Or Cabin Fever. And in some cases Bieber fever. I'm not kidding about the last one.

Other than that, it's been a pretty normal week thus far. Nothing super exciting to report. I've tried a couple new recipes in the kitchen, with some good success, which is always nice. And I've managed to keep the stove clean for 4 days now. Now that is quite the accomplishment for me!

Change seems to be in the air once again. Maybe it's the fact that Spring is nearly here but it's something that I can feel. A shift in the air, a sensation in my bones. I'm changing. My thinking is changing, my mood is changing, my attitudes towards a lot of things are changing. How I see myself, others and the world around us all is changing. And I think it's all changing for the better. I feel...hopeful. For once I want to embrace change instead of fear it. Go with it and enjoy the ride rather than try to safely plan everything out.

It feels good.

Good Night!

Sarah

Bizarre Little Day

It's been a bizarre little day. I'm not sure what the root cause is. Maybe it's the missing 1 hour of sleep or maybe it's the fact that everyone is slowly coming out of hibernation as the weather warms up. The moon isn't full yet so I can't blame that.

I didn't sleep very well. I kept waking up at strange times and for no apparent reason. Once at work, I found a DVD on my chair from someone who wasn't supposed to be in the office today (turns out he came in at like 6:30am and left notes for a few of us.). Things were progressing normally and then I headed out with some other staff to attend an awards ceremony. Four of my co-workers were receiving awards. It was quite nice, despite one office getting their conference call lines crossed. That part was funny.

Back at the office, things were starting to get a little odd. Well, more odd than usual. People just generally seemed to be in odd/cranky/wacky moods. After observing one odd event, I asked my boss "Do you ever have a moment where you look up and look around and say to yourself 'I'm working in a circus'"? To which she replied "Yes, all the time." LOL. Glad that I'm not alone in my views.

On the bus ride home, a man was killing his boredom by playing with one of the hand straps that hang from the bar on the bus. Instead of holding onto it, he was batting at it (kind of like a cat with a ball) and watching it spin around and around and around the bar. And this was a grown man, not some young guy. It was rather amusing to watch. He kept it up for almost 5 minutes too.

This evening's amusement came from my father. A little after 8pm, my phone rings and I check the call display and it's my parents' number. I answer and it's my dad. He's like "What cha doin'?" I told him that I was cutting up some cheese for my lunch tomorrow. He informed me that his lunch for tomorrow was already made (roast beef sandwich in case anyone's curious). LOL. While I was attempting to wash some grapes, he went on about how Bones was a re-run and how he hoped Murdoch was a nice episode. Finally he got to the point of the call. He told me a fun little story called "Dad's adventure with online banking". My father was trying to access a special RRSP site that the bank has, so that he could see his balance. It's not quite as easy as it sounds and he needed to register for the online site and get a password and then it didn't work.....it ends with my dad getting a poor customer service guy on the phone and my dad not letting him off the line until he could successfully access the online site. And he got the guy to give him the account balance too. LOL. I'm not sure which one I feel worse for: My dad or the customer service guy with the bank.  Dad said that he was just calling to vent. I can appreciate that. Venting is good. I'm a fan of it. Venting prevents blow ups. I really should vent more often.

But dad's story amused me and made me smile. So did the fact that my mom started to have a conversation with me, through my father. She was sitting on the other side of him, asking me questions through dad (which she would have had the answers for if she'd checked her email....). I love them. They're bonkers but I wouldn't change them for anything.

So, like I said, it's been a bizarre little day. But one that made me smile a lot, so that's good, right?

Good Night!

Sarah

Random day, random photo - Asparagus Pigs :)

Death and March (Not a Death March)

March kind of sucks for my family, specifically my mom's side. And it lived up to its bad reputation this weekend.

My grandfather passed away 16 years ago on March 16th 1987. He was buried a week later on March 23rd, which just happened to be my Grandma's birthday. I'm pretty darn sure that was the worst birthday she ever had. I was too young to absorb any of that. I just remember being very angry with God for taking my grandfather away from me. Ironies of ironies, I remember riding my bike around the block in anger and I finally stopped in a parking lot to cry/yell at God. Turns out I was in the parking lot of the funeral home by my parents' house. Looking back on it now, it strikes me as funny. I was 8. 8 year olds do funny things that amuse their old selves many years later.

Next up came the death of my Gram. Once again, March got the dubious honour. March 7th 2006 to be exact. 16 days before her 89th birthday. Atleast it didn't happen on her birthday. That would have been like a double curse or something.

March got a bit of a reprieve last year as my darling niece was born in late March. A blessing indeed.

But as of this weekend, March is back in dubious territory. My mom's best friend's mother passed away on Saturday. While her passing does fall into the territory of being a blessing as she's now at peace, it's still hard on the family, no matter how prepared they think they are. I'm usually fantastic with words and speaking but death is the one time that I find it hard to find the words, or better yet, the right words. When my great-grandmother Watson and my Gram died, it was a blessing. My great-grandma had checked out years before and was just a shell who happened to still be breathing. My Gram wasn't much better when she went. She knew that her time was near and she wanted to go. She was ready. In both cases, they'd been without their husbands for a very long time. I guess they were both over due for a reunion. Death brought them both peace. I hole heartedly believe that they both went on to a much better place than the one they'd found themselves in here. I know it was for the best. But it still doesn't stop the paid and grief of their passing from happening.

Memories are funny things. I hardly knew my grandfather (we called him Cooch because he loved trains...get it? Choo-choo train?). I didn't even know him for a quarter of my life, yet I'll see something or hear something or smell something and thoughts/memories of him will come flooding back to me. I'm almost positive that he's the reason I like trains so much. I love it when my Uncle David comes to visit and he and my mom start telling stories about Chooch. I hardly knew him so hearing their stories helps  bring him back to life for me, so I can get another chance at getting to know the great man that he was. It's when I'm working on my genealogy research that I really wish he was still here. His side of the family has been a real pain in the butt to trace and I could really use his knowledge. That's just one of my many reasons why we should never take our elderly for granted. They're walking, talking pieces of history and there is so much that they can teach us.

Now, this next revelation might make some of you think I'm totally nuts, but while I know that they're gone, I'm pretty sure that both my great-grandma Watson and my Gram come to visit me from time to time. It's not a scary thing. It's actually quite comforting and it usually makes me smile. Sometimes it's just a feeling I get, like I'm not alone but I'm not worried or scared so I know that someone familiar is here. Sometimes I keep catching something from the corner of my eye and when I look, it's gone. I have a photo of my Gram hanging off a hook on my corner shelf. Every now and then, I'll look over and the photo is swinging on the hook. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot and there's no draft, no large trucks having gone down the street, no vibrations from my walking around. Just little things like that. They just remind me that even though they're not here, they still love me and are with me. Which is true. No one ever really leaves if you keep their memory in your heart.

Oh! And Julius Caesar died in March too. March 15th, 44 BC or so history believes. I guess March wasn't a good month for him either.

Good Night!

Sarah

Sunny Saturday, Spring Cleaning and Strength

I haven't been in much of a blogging mood lately and frankly, I've been too damn tired. So I decided I'd better log in tonight and get some words on the screen. Thanks to Daylight Savings Time, I'm going to bed an hour later than planned. To off set this, I shall attempt to sleep in an extra hour tomorrow morning. Not sure if it will work but it's worth a try. My mother tried to tell me that clocks go back an hour tonight instead of going an hour forward. I think she was just trying to find a way to sleep in an extra hour tomorrow.

I had a pretty darn good day today. One of the best I've had in a while. The sun was out and that seemed to be the key. I stood on my balcony in the sun for a bit this morning and it felt glorious. I'm in spring cleaning mode too. I had originally planned to stay home and just clean all day but this afternoon I decided that it was too nice to stay home all day so I escaped for a bit.

Before I left, I managed to get the dishes done, a load of laundry done and some dusting done. I then went downtown, had a Beavertail, walked around the market, taking in the wonderful sunshine, stopped at the butcher and bought a beautiful New York Strip for dinner and then came back home. I did some more cleaning once I was home. I tackled the greasy vent cover that's in the hood over my stove. Thanks to Pinterest, I got it clean without any effort. Just some boiling water and baking soda. Amazing. I also got the burner inserts clean that way. My stove is spotless (for now). I got the toilet cleaned and my bookshelf dusted too. I was on quite the roll. I really do love Pinterest. I was standing in the kitchen, holding the filter and trying to figure out how to clean the damn thing when suddenly, magic words popped into my head. They were "go check on Pinterest". I'm so smart! The answer was there and it worked and now I have a clean filter. Yay!

Tonight I watched the movie "The Other Guys". It was horrible. So I watched the first half of Mall Rats to make up for it. I'll finish watching it sometime tomorrow. I'm hoping to continue my cleaning spree tomorrow.

Adding to my good mood today was that I booked 2 trips this morning. Nothing overly exciting but I'm happy about them. The first is in April. I'm going to Montreal with my old friend Michelle. We're taking the train from my house, which is awesome since I love taking the train and it's a great trip from Ottawa to Montreal (and faster than driving). The best part is that I used some networking skills to get us a LUXURY hotel room for a very budget friendly price. I'm very excited. I can't wait to see what kind of shenanigans we get up to when left to our own devices in Montreal. This is going to be great.
The other trip I booked was just a train ticket home for the May long weekend. My bday (a kind of big one) is one the Thursday before the long weekend and my Great Aunt's 80th bday is the Friday of the long weekend, so I'm heading home to go to her party. I'm really looking forward to seeing my family. I haven't seen them since Christmas so this will be great. I hope the weather is nice.

Since it's actually 12:34am instead of the 11:34pm that my clock says, I really should get to bed. I have a lot more cleaning ahead of me tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be warm but cloudy and maybe some rain in the late afternoon. Perfect cleaning or book reading weather. I have a couple of books that need to be read so we'll see what happens. I found a very yummy sounding scone recipe on Pinterest too that I might attempt. LOL. This truly was a good day. I'm starting to feel like myself again and I really don't have the words to explain how amazing that feels. It's more relief than anymore. The days are getting longer, the shadows are weaken. Step by step, I'm walking back out of the darkness and into the light again.The birds chirping this morning is the kind of sound that makes my soul smile. We're not totally out of winter's grasp yet but we're close and I'm experiencing a strong sense of relief and accomplishment. I've made it through another winter in one piece, coming out into spring, just a little bit stronger than I was when I went in late last fall.

Good Night!

Sarah

My favourite sign of spring: Lily of the Valley

DIE HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was an interesting day at work. I spent most of the morning running around, almost quite literally. I had to venture over to two of our other buildings for things, which was thrilling. I did get to the see the new office of our former office mates and it was pretty cool. They have an amazing view which I'm completely jealous of. The colour scheme leaves a little something to be desired though.

My afternoon was busy with travel stuff (not my own sadly) and other paperwork that needed to get done. All went well so I'm happy about that.

This evening was fan-freakin-tastic!!!!!!!!!! I went out for dinner and a movie with 3 guys. LOL. Mandy, JD and I headed out from work and stopped at the mall food court, where wet met up with my buddy Xtinktor. We all had dinner (Mandy was very excited about Kojaks, I don't get it) and then we headed out to Kanata to my favourite movie theatre in the city where we saw "A Good Day to Die Hard" - the newest Die Hard movie. Number 5 in the series if you're counting.

It. Was. Awesome.  Lots and lots of shit got blown up and the movie starts with a pretty cool car chase. I'm pretty sure they totalled more cars in the first 15 minutes of  the movie than they have in all 4 previous Die Hard films combined. And there was a great 1-liner which was a throw back to the very first Die Hard film so that was cool. The movie was awesome simply because it was lots of fun to watch. Lots of action and lots of stuff going boom. The plot was ok, the dialogue wasn't anything special but that is not why you got and see a Die Hard film. You go to see great explosions and to see whether or not Bruce Willis' character can still walk by the end of the movie. It's a fun escape. There's no thinking involved. No sappy love stories, no crying, no deep contemplation on the universe. Just out and out pyrotechnical awesomeness.

The one thing it did make me realize is that I need to get out more! I'm going to work on that.

I need to sleep now. I have French class tomorrow afternoon and I kind of need to be alert for that, especially since I'm taking notes for 2 people now (my co-worker is still off on a course).

Good Night!

Sarah

BOOM!!!

The Blackberry Conundrum

I'll admit it right now. I am not the most tech savvy person on the planet. I do shy away from it, but I'm usually slow to embrace it. My computer is a simple laptop with no web cam. I don't have high speed internet. My digital camera is nothing fancy (but I'd love to upgrade it to a more professional style), my iPod is a first generation one and my cell phone is not a smart phone. With all of that being said, I was rather apprehensive when my boss told me that I had to get a Blackberry for work (work supplies it and pays for the service). This also means that they can find me ALL THE TIME. A scary thought. I'm exaggerating of course. I can turn it off when I'm at home.

Anyhow, the device arrived today and I was lost. I've never used one before. Thanks to my iPod, I have some idea how to work an iPhone but a Blackberry is a whole other beast for me. I think I'm going to have to break down and read the user manual. I can't even figure how to turn the damn thing off. I swear it's not simple. I'm sure it has some really cool features, but since it's a work phone, I'm not really too keen on investigating them. However, it will give me a chance to see if I'd like to own one myself as my personal phone.

I'm a little excited that Target opened in Canada today. I am looking forward to them opening here. I think we should have more options in our retail market. I think it will result in some price wars and we'll benefit from lower prices. I love shopping and I love a good deal. We'll have to wait and see how this goes over as the rest of the stores slowly open across the country.

I need to get up and moving in the morning. I'm heading to the movies after work tomorrow with some friends/co-workers so I'd like to be able to escape the office on the early side.

Good Night!

Sarah

Wishing for Spring!

First Days and Kale

Today was a long day. And a very busy one. Every time I sat down at my desk to do something, a new thing popped up and a half an hour later, I'd be back at my desk trying to remember what it was I was going to do before I got interrupted. I was able to escape for 10 minutes in the afternoon and went for a nice, but chilly walk around the block. The sun was out so that was nice to see, especially since it clouded over and started to snow again about an hour later.

It would appear that my friend JD survived his first day at work and got to work with LOTS of time to spare. The first day at work can be a nerve racking one. I hope my friend K has a good first day tomorrow. It's great to see so many people finding jobs. Having been unemployed a couple of times in my life, I know how much it sucks and how hard it can be to make ends meet, especially if you don't have a 2nd income provider to rely on. I hope the jobs work out for everyone and I'll keep my fingers crossed for them all.

So, for dinner tonight, I decided to try something new. I had bought a big bunch of Kale on the weekend and I decided to make Kale Chips (thank you Pinterest!). I was skeptical. How would cooking a leafy green vegetable in the oven make it taste good? I still have no flipping idea but my god, it was FANTASTIC! I tore up the leaves and tossed them with a little olive oil. Once on the cookie sheet, I sprinkled them with sea salt, pepper and garlic powder and then baked them at 300F for 20 minutes. They crisped up and were so good. They almost tasted like they were bad for you. LOL. They crumble very easily though so I did have some Kale crumbs on my and the table while eating them. But they were yummy so I really didn't care. I'm definitely going to add this to my list of fun and delicious side dishes to make.

I'm getting used to my dark hair too. In the sunlight and florescent lights at work it doesn't look quite as dark as it does at home.

I must log off and finish getting tomorrow's lunch ready and then get into bed. I need to be alert at work or I'll never be productive!

Good Night!

Sarah

Not my first day at work, but my first day at school :)

Well That's Certainly Darker Than Planned...

Over the years, my hair has been many different colours. I have been a blond (once by accident and once on purpose), had my hair fire engine red (again, once by accident and once on purpose) and I've had it jet back (totally on purpose). I'm fortune in the fact that my skin tone lets me look good with lots of different hair colours. I used to dye it myself but over the last 5 years or so, I've been paying professionals to do it. Mainly because I had blond highlights for a long time and after the one and only time I let my mom give me highlights, I vowed never to let anyone other than a professional highlight me.

Seriously, she turned me into a blond. And took far too much joy in poking me in the head with that little stick. It was a kit where you wear a plastic cap with little holes cut out into it and you take this plastic hook like thing and poke it though the holes and pull a small strand of hair through (so the highlight look natural). I'm sitting in a chair, in my Gram's kitchen, with my mom stabbing me in the head. And then the grand son of one of my Gram's friends was over so mom let him take a stab at it. Literally. I should have known it was going to be a disaster by how much hair mom pulled through. I only wanted a few highlights. She did my entire head. The next issue arose when rinsing out the dye - mom freaked out a bit because my hair looked a bit orange, not remembering that hair darker when wet, so she decided that it wasn't done yet and made me sit longer. The result? Almost white blond hair. For a solid week I freaked myself out every morning when I first looked in the mirror.

Anyhow, December of 2011, I got tired of being a blond and went back to my roots as a brunette. I haven't actually coloured my hair in the last year. My stylist left the province and I have a hard time parting with the kind of money that salons charge, so I decided to try the "at home" approach again. Since I was going with a solid colour, I knew I couldn't screw up too badly. Last week, Baby F and NB helped me pick out a colour.  I was having a hard time deciding between 2 shades and silly me, I opted for the darker of the two. One of the cardinal rules of hair colour is always pick the lighter one when trying to decide between 2 colours. I knew this and still choose the darker one.

So....I dyed my hair tonight. And it's darker than it was. But a lot. Not quite 50 shades darker (ha-ha) but several shades darker than the photos on the box. It kind of looks like I'm attempting to channel my inner goth or something. It's not black but it's damn close. We'll go with dark chocolate. I will admit that I did want my hair to be darker and I wanted the little silver hairs that keep appear to be covered (and they totally are) but this is quite a fair bit darker than I'd hoped for. Oh well! I'm sure it will lighten up after the first wash or two. I'm also wearing a white top right now which probably makes it look darker than it is. I'll just have to remember to wear something dark to work tomorrow to compensate. LOL. And definitely remember to wear blush. And like my mom said, don't wear red lip stick...well, I could but people might not get that I'm just trying out my Elvira impression.

My hair feels soft and it's really shiny now though, so that's good. And my scalp doesn't feel like its on fire which is really good! It will be fun to see how many people at work tomorrow notice the colour change. Maybe I'll try for hot pink next time.

Good Night!

Sarah

At least it looks natural!

A Seriously Strenuous Sightseeing and Shopping Saturday

Well colour me exhausted. LOL. I am a born shopper but after today's adventure, I dunno. He almost did me in. The "he" in question is my buddy J.D. who just moved to Ottawa. I knew him in another life :)

Anyhow, being new to Ottawa, I took him around town today and man, did we get around. We started over near Hog's Back for Breakfast. There was an entire girls soccer team in the restaurant, out for a team breakfast to celebrate the birthday of one of the team members. They were all 13 and 14 year olds so it was a little on the rowdy side, but they were well behaved.

After breakfast, I showed J.D. why the area was called "Hog's Back". It's simple, we have the "Hog's Back Falls" there. The rock in the middle of the falls looks like the back of a pig apparently, and that's how it got the name. My grandmother once told me that she went swimming in those falls as a teenager. I'm not sure if I believe her or not. Next we moved onto my alma mater, Carleton University. Did a quick drive around campus and I pointed out the dorm I lived in and such. Then we took Colonel By all the way into downtown so that he could see more of the canal and I could show him Landsdown Park before the stadium is completely torn down. We then drove through Vanier and out into the east end where we passed the Notre Dame cemetery (where Laurier is burried) and Beechwood Cemetery (Where the Canadian National War Cemetery is) and then we headed for an errand run back this way out to Barrhaven. I should point out that there was a bathroom and coffee/hot chocolate stop in there.

Once in Barrhaven, I stopped to drop off something to a friend and got to witness several young ladies hopped up on sugar, running a muck. LOL. It was a "decorate your own cupcake" stage of her daughter's birthday party. Sadly, I couldn't visit for long as J.D. waiting in the car (and seemed rather glad to have done so) so after a quick catch up session, I headed out...but not before the entire house hold said goodbye to me. LOL. Those girls were so adorable! And I really would have loved to have stayed and chatted longer. This friend is a wonderful woman and you can't help but feel happy in her presence. It's like her super power power or something. Anyhow, after our mini tour of suburbia was done, we headed to Ikea.

Ahhh, Ikea. I love that place. It's my idea of fantasy land. All those pretty rooms, all neat and tidy. It makes you believe that you really can make a tiny space into something awesome. Then I come home and look at my disaster and reality comes crashing back down. On this trip, I finally bought myself a real desk chair! I also picked up a cool door mat and some more hand towels for the kitchen. J.D. seemed rather impressed by our HUGE Ikea (biggest in Canada don't ya know). We then stopped by my apartment to drop off the Ikea stuff and headed back out. We needed sustenance after Ikea so we headed to The Butchery in Bells Corners for milk shakes from Vera's Burger Shack. They were very good. Since we'd refuelled, we continued on our way. Giant Tiger was next (where I got reduced to clear socks!!) followed by Walmart.

I need to point something out here. I am a fairly frugal shopper. I compare prices, collect coupons and price match in order to get the best deal, but I'm not extreme about it. Certain items I'm willing to pay full price for and I usually know a good deal when I see. J.D takes frugal to a whole new level. This made shopping very, very, very painful. He is very indecisive as a result and will hum and haw about something for a good long time before deciding to for go it all together. I'm pretty sure I threatened him with physical violence no less than 3 times today. The last time was a threat of hitting him with a bag of frozen vegetable if he didn't hurry up and pick one!! I ended up picking one out for him.

We both get out of Walmart alive. For a better part of the day, he's been mulling over whether or not to buy a tv for his room. As we're walking out to the car, he decides that he's going to get one. Ok. I agree that I'm up for one last shopping adventure so we head to Future Shop. I got wise. I looked at tvs for a few minutes with him and then went and said in the amazingly comfortable chairs in front of the GIANT tv they have in their home theatre section and I just watched hockey and waited for J.D. and the sales guy to figure things out smartest move of my day. LOL. He got a very nice tv (I'm kind of jealous actually) and we headed home.

I ordered Swiss Chalet for dinner and then rented Hotel Transylvania. It was a very fun little movie. Very cute and amusing too. I really quite enjoyed it.

Talking with J.D was quite interesting today. I remember him being a very happy go lucky person. He was still cheerful today but he's very nervous and quite worried. Not just about starting the new job and being in a  new city but worried about life as a whole. I can't really fault him for it as that was me a few years ago. All I could really tell him was to focus on the positive, allow himself to be happy and enjoy the good times when they're around. None of us can know what's coming next and worrying about intangible things like that is counter productive to our own happiness. I only know that because I lived it and it's only been over the last 2 years that I've made a conscious effort to relax and not to worry so much. I hope he listened and I hope he can find his own path to happier and healthier life. I think he just needs to get through this first week and then he'll be feeling a little better.

All in all, I showed J.D: Hog's Back, Mooney's Bay, Carleton, Lansdown, Vanier, Beechwood, Barrhaven and Bell's Corners today. I think that covered a good chunk of places :)

I do believe it's time to go to bed now. I've had a long (but fun!) day and I really need to get laundry and house work done tomorrow. I tore the living room apart looking for something last night and it now looks 5 times worse than it did before tornado Sarah blew on by. Sigh.

Good Night!

Sarah

My high school grad photo!

Tour Guide Time!

I've finally torn myself away from Pinterest so that I can blog before bed. I've said it before. That site is addictive. Makes you think that you can be the best cook, a fashionista and be the craftiest person ever all in one shot. The pineapple cake that I made was a huge hit at work today and I got that recipe from Pinterest :)

Work was very busy today. I spent very little time actually at my desk. I don't think I spent more than 10 minutes at a time sitting at my desk. We got our T4s today and sorting them was a blast....I treated myself to some kick-ass sushi for dinner tonight. It was so good.

Tomorrow is shaping up to be an interesting day. Someone who I went to high school with has moved to Ottawa and will be working in my office. Since he's new in town and doesn't know anyone, I'm heading out with him tomorrow to show him the sites. I love my city so that's not a problem. However, it's winter and Winterlude is over so there really isn't all the much to do that doesn't result in frost bite right now. And what sucks even more is the fact that it's STILL FUCKING SNOWING!!!!!! By the looks of things, it's going to snow clear through to Tuesday. Dammit.

So I'm trying to think of the best (and cheapest) indoor things to do/see tomorrow. I think a tour of Ikea might be on that list. I can't wait for the nice weather to arrive to show him the market and Gatineau Park. I'm slightly anxious too since I haven't spent any time with this person since high school really. I know I'm a much different person now and I'm assuming he is too. I guess it will be fun getting to know each other again. And we chat about the "good old days" too. All I know is that the day is going to start with a trip to my favourite breakfast spot and then we'll wing it from there.

I need to pry myself away from the computer and get ready for bed. I have a busy day of being a tour guide ahead of me :)

Good Night!

Sarah