Pay It Forward

It was a good day at work and a sad one at the same time. It was good because things went well and I got a lot done and it's the Friday before a long weekend, so that made it awesome to start with. I was sad because it was also the last day of work for several of our staff. Some are returning to school, one is going on mat leave and one is moving onto a better job.

Having the students leave means that summer is almost over. The long hours of sunlight are slowly dwindling. The last of the summer flowers are blooming. It's times like this when it seems like time is just moving by far too quickly. And I have to admit it: I miss school. I loved going to University and getting to open my mind to new ways of looking at the world, new ways to interpret things and for the first time, really thinking for myself. I don't miss the mid-terms and final exams, but I miss school.

It was also kind of a sad day because the co-worker who's moving on to bigger and better things is gone. She was a blast to have in the office. I'd known her a little before getting the chance to work with her and over the last 5 weeks or so, I've really gotten to know her better and have learnt that she's a wonderful person and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her. And I'm somewhat amazed by her killer Crossword skills too. I know it's not "goodbye" as I'll see her again, it's just not going to be the same on Tuesday morning without having her there. Next Thursday will be worse for the 'farewell' category, but more on that later next week.

Before leaving work this evening, I was chatting with some of our evening staff and there was a mini game of "six degrees" happened as a lot of people working here know other people in the department and so on. How people found out about the jobs came up and someone's comment about it being great to be able to help out others reminded me of something from long ago.

I had a teacher in high school who gave everyone in the class a special paper in our last class before graduation. Mine was a long quote about life and happiness and the end part stuck with me and I still remember it. It said "And above all remember this: Do what you can, for whom you can, with what you have and with what you will obtain". Not quite the same quote as Roosevelt but close.  That line really has stuck with me all my life and I've very much tried to do that. I guess it's the same concept as "Pay it Forward". It's a simple idea really. If someone does something nice for you, go out and do something nice for someone else.

I think the world would be a much better place if more people subscribed to that idea. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture either. Even the smallest things can really make someone's day. Something as simple as paying for the coffee of the person behind you in the drive through. Or holding the door open for a someone who's pushing a stroller. Or sending a post card to a friend.

I do that last one a lot. I have a couple of friends who are near and dear to my heart who lives several thousand kilometres away. One of my favourite things to do is to pick up a cute card or random post card and send it to them, just so that they know I'm thinking of them. It's truly amazing how much getting something simple like that in the mail can totally brighten your day. I know, because said friends do the same for me.

A simple, selfless, heartfelt random act of kindness can completely turn someone's day around.

If you're reading this, and I've ever done something nice for you, please go out there and do something nice for someone else. Share a smile. Buy a child a balloon, compliment someone on the colour of their dress, send an old friend a postcard just to say hi....just spread some happiness in the world. Not only will the other person feel amazing, but you will too.

Thank you for being so nice as to take the time to read this blog. I'll be sure to pay that forward.

Good Night!

Sarah

Random Bus Ranting and Potatoes

It was a good at the office. I'm not 100% sure that I actually got any work done, but I sure did a lot of running around. Our potluck was a huge success and everyone seemed to enjoy the food a lot. There was definitely a lot of leftovers which our night shift got to enjoy. My cobbler turned out really well and there was none left to bring home.

After work, I took the bus home with my friend Steph as we were going shopping afterwards. The bus was packed. I'm talking sardine like here. We were lucky enough to have gotten on the bus earlier in the route and we had seats. There was this one lady who kept complaining quite loudly about how full the bus was and that no one was moving back. I should point out that yes, everyone was back as far as they could go without sitting on people's laps as this bus had a row of seats all the way across the back and she was one of the people who pushed their way onto an already over crowded bus rather than waiting for the next one. Anyhow, at one point she actually started yelling at people to move back. The problem was that everyone at the back was doing the "move out of the way to let people off" shuffle at the time and hadn't had a chance to re-arrange themselves yet. Rather than standing there, yelling at everyone, perhaps paying attention and using some logic would have been a much better approach. I understand that the bus is over-crowded and it's uncomfortable but yelling at perfect strangers is not going to make things better. Perhaps you should try asking the bus driver why he let so many people on in the first place? Oh right, had the bus driver been following the rules, he wouldn't have let you on!

We did managed to make it to Steph's house unscathed and got to GT for our cheap potatoes. So I'm happy. LOL. I know, when 87 cent instant potatoes are something I get excited about, it's time to get a life. But they really are very good for being instant ones. They actually taste like potatoes rather than some grainy chemical whatever.

Oh! I created a new word today. Instead of Pheasant, I said "Phezant". When asked what that was, I said "It's a Pheasant that landed on an electric fence". Get it? Phezzzzzant? It was funny at the time.

And on that note, it's bed time.

Good Night!

Sarah

Ok, so it's not a bus, but it is a form of public transportation !

Walking Playlist August 30th 2012

Got back out there tonight after taking last night off to bake. It was a really good walk tonight and I made good time. I had a bus driver who was walking to work ask me if I wanted to race :)

Here's what I was listening to this evening:
Change of Seasons - Sweet Thing
Day After Day - Inward Eye
Loser Like Me - Glee Cast
Judas - Lady Gaga
Little Smirk - Theory of a Deadman
Animals - Nickleback
Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Kylie Minogue
Right Here Right Now - Jesus Jones
You're A Lie - Slash feat. Myles Kennedy and the Conspirators

Change and Cobbler

I spent a relaxing evening at home after a rather long day at work. It was only long because I ended up staying late to take care of a few things and to talk to two of the managers. Loads of fun.

I didn't get out for my walk tonight but that was due to an important thing at home: Peach-Blueberry Cobbler. As in I was baking one :) We're having an "End of Summer/Goodbye to the Students" potluck at work tomorrow. The concept is simple. A sign up sheet is put on the wall so that you can tell us what you're bringing (so we don't end up with 6 different Caesar Salads, 20 bags of chips and 19 cakes for lunch). Easy, right? Nope. Getting people to sign up is like pulling teeth. I used to be so different in the office....

We were a much smaller group before and worked much more closely with each other. We've tripled in size since I started and now I keep getting emails from co-workers asking me "Who the hell is so-and-so". LOL. This is the largest staff I've ever worked with. I kind of miss having a smaller group, but it's not like I have any control over things. Change is a part of life and it's not a bad thing. It might be scary but if you just accept it and roll with it, it can be amazing.

I am very much a creature of comfort. I get complacent easily and change usually results in one hell of an anxiety attach (you should see me when I travel - not pretty!). But over the last few years or so, I've developed an interesting relationship with change. I think I finally understand its roll in my life and know why I need it. Now I appreciate it and accept it, especially when it's change for the better.

Now I'm actively working to change a few things and so far, the universe seems to be agreeing with my decision, which in itself is a big change. Usually when I get it in my mind to do something, it seems like the whole world is against me. You know the joke "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans!"? Yeah, something like that. But lately, I think I'm in sync with the world around me and it's a very nice feeling. I will keep a positive outlook on it and keep faith and hope that it sticks around.

On an unrelated topic - only 2 more nights until the Blue Moon.

Good Night!

Sarah

The Peach-Blueberry Cobbler I made for my office potluck.

Why I Want A Roll Of Duct Tape In The Office

I wish I could keep a roll of duct tape in my desk drawer and be allowed to pull it out and tape people's mouths shut when they start to spew bull shit and ignorance etc... It's a public service really. I'd be helping my co-workers out because they wouldn't have to listen to it anymore either.

Anyhow, incoming rant in 3...2...1....

Have you ever had a co-worker, classmate etc. who you just wish you could bitch slap into next week? Well I have one and my god was she in rare form today. I seriously had to exercise some pretty strong self control not to climb across the table, grab her by the shoulders and shake her while yelling "GROW THE FUCK UP" in her face. The word "ignorant" doesn't even begin to cover this wonderful gal. I'm almost convinced that she can't hear the shit that comes out of her mouth.
We do have one male co-worker who tends to walk the line between appropriate and inappropriate office topics on a regular basis and some days he says shit just to be an ass, but at least most of what he says has some logic behind it or some form of intelligent thought. But not this girl. I'm going to call her Honey (if you watch How I Met Your Mother, you might get the joke).

Honey is a university student, so there has to be some intelligence there, right? I'm not sure if it's just an act to impress the boys or if she's really so unaware of the world around her. Today she was complaining about having to essentially think before she speaks as some people might take what she says the wrong way. NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!!! You work in a PROFESSIONAL OFFICE. This isn't your dorm room or the school cafeteria. This is your PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT. Welcome to the real world sunshine. And don't keep harping on the point. And if you're going to have an opinion on something, take the time to learn the facts about the topic first. Don't just agree with the guy across from you because you think he's hot!!!!

There's tons of shit I'd love to be able to say to people in the office on a daily basis. But guess what? I don't. You know why? Because I'm a mature, responsible adult that recognises that there is a time and place for everything and 9 times out of 10, the office isn't the time or the place. The people around you are co-workers. Yes, you may develop a friendship with some of them, but you still have to remain professional and be respectful to the other people around us.

Oh yeah. And wearing a see-through blouse isn't office appropriate, I don't care how trendy you think you're being.

Ok. I think I'm done now. I'm pretty sure that I can make it through the rest of the week. All of our students are done on Friday. Some I will some. Some, not so much :)

On a rather positive note, as I sat down to write this tonight, my blog was sitting at 994 page views. That's so amazing. I'm going to break 1000 tonight! I wish I had some way of knowing who 1000 was and I'd totally send them a gift. Oh well :)

I'm off to play more SongPop (yes, I'm addicted) and then it's off to bed.

Good Night!

Sarah

Keep Calm and have a Cupcake (yes, I made it!)

Walking Playlist August 28th 2012

Got out a little later than I'd like today so it was on the dark side by the time I got home. I saw 3 rabbits tonight and a man sitting next to the creek, reading the newspaper and drinking a beer. Just like it was his own yard or something. Go figure.

I mixed up the music again tonight:

All That I've Got - The Used
Danger! High Voltage - Electric Six
I Love Myself Today - Bif Naked
Walk Like an Egyptian - The Bangles
Big Slice - Jonas & The Massive Attraction
Poker Face - Lady GaGa
Still Swingin'- Papa Roach
Porn Star Dacing - My Darkest Days Feat. Ludacris
Love You Like A  Love Song - Selena Gomez & The Scene
Albatross - Big Wreck

Quite the mix eh? LOL.

My One Month Anniversary

Wow. 30 days. 40 posts. 926 page views. I'm floored and amazed and humbled.

When I started this a month ago, I had no idea what to expect. I figured it would just be a really good outlet for me. It turned out to be an amazing outlet. I can't even begin to describe how happy I feel when I write and I can't believe that I've been doing it every night for a month. Even when I'm dead tired and don't have a thought in my head, I still feel the urge and need to blog.

What surprised me the most is how cathartic this is. I know I'm notorious for keeping thing bottled up inside and I know how bad that is for me, but I never realised that letting it out could feel so good. My head is a much happier place without so many thoughts trapped inside. I can see things a little more clearly now and that's a very good thing.

Some nights I get very emotional when blogging and I sit here and cry. You should have seen me the night I wrote the blog about my parents. I was bawling so badly that I had to stop because I couldn't see the screen anymore. But those were happy tears. I doesn't really surprise me. I'm quite an emotional person. I'm just very good at keeping them in check, except when I'm writing.

When I write, I feel free. The emotions just pour out of me through my fingertips. Some nights I feel completely emotionally drained after writing. Other nights I just sit and smile or keep giggling because I've made myself laugh or I'm laughing at myself :)

Blogging from my parent's house was interesting. I'm not used to having people around when I'm writing. They kept asking me question: What are you doing? What are you writing about? My responses: Writing my blog. Stuff. LOL. I have no idea if either of them have read my blog.

I like looking at the location stats for my blog. It boggles my mind to see that people in other countries have read it. Apparently someone in Russia reads it a lot as there are nearly 20 page views from there along with ones from France, Germany, Japan and the USA.  I'm still amazed beyond belief that anyone reads this.

Moving ahead, I will try to keep up with my goal of blogging every night. The fall is coming. Even though it was hot and humid here today, you could smell fall on the wind this afternoon. I love the fall. It's my favourite season. It also scares me a bit because fall is when my inner demons tend to wake up a little bit more and my struggle to keep them under wraps begins anew. Perhaps the blog will help me keep those little bastards at bay. I guess I'll just have to keep writing and find out.

To all of you who have read my blog, I just want to say thank you very much. I'm glad I could share a little sliver of my world with you. And to whoever the person in Russia is that keeps reading, I'd really love it if you'd drop me a line and say hello!

I'm going to celebrate my One Month Anniversary by playing a few rounds of SongPop (my new addiction on FB) and then curling up with my book before bed.

Good Night!

Sarah

3 Bunnies and a Bat or Walking Playlist August 27th 2012

I wasn't sure if I was going to get out for my walk tonight. I was pretty darn tired earlier but after dinner I felt a little more awake so I gabbed my iPod and headed out the door.

Tonight I saw a really cool squirrel. It had a black body and a red tail. Every wicked. I also saw three bunnies, one of which was just a little guy and was so cute and I saw a bat flying around. Too bad it wasn't out earlier and didn't eat the mosquitos that were attempting to eat me!

I opted to stray from the Rock tonight and went with a mixed playlist. Here's what kept me motivated tonight:
Head Above Water - Theory of a Deadman
My Body - Young the Giant
Get Thru This - Art of Dying
Devil On My Shoulder - Billy Talent
Good Feeling - Flo Rida
Let It Rock - Kevin Rudlof & Lil Wayne
Feel So Close - Calvin Harris
Freak of the Week - Marvelous 3
Change of Seasons - Sweet Thing
I Wanna Dance With Somebody - These Kids Wear Crowns

Pride Week

I'm in line at Walmart this afternoon and a young gay couple are ahead of me in line. They were joking around just like any two people who know each other would while they were in line. Made me laugh a few times too, not that I was deliberately listening in on their conversation, but really? What the hell else am I going to do while standing in line at Walmart? People watching is a sport in Walmart.

Yesterday while in the market with my buddy, a lesbian couple walked by holding hands.

On Friday, I was in a conga line at lunch with a bunch of people, including a drag queen. Got my photo taken with her too :)

Last week was Pride Week in Ottawa, ending today with the Pride parade. It made me think back on the first time I'd ever seen a homosexual couple.

When I was 12 or so, my parents took us camping in the eastern US. We got to go whale watching in Massachusetts. Our boat left out of this truly beautiful little coastal city called Provincetown, which just happens to pride itself on being "The #1 Gay Community in America". While on the way back from out whale watching (which was amazing and I still remember it to this day), I recall hearing people in the seat behind me kissing and turning around to see two women making out. Confused, I looked at my mom and point this out. She did the normal mom thing "sit down and stop staring", which I did do, but I kept shooting looks over my shoulder because I'd never seen that before. It would be many years later before I saw anything like that again but I remember it. I also vividly remember seeing the man biking down the main street, wearing nothing but a speedo and let's just say that something that should have been inside the speedo wasn't. It was flopping about, waving at all the nice people on the street....

It really wasn't until high school that homosexuality came back on my radar. I remember seeing two girls get into a fight. One of them I kind of knew and I asked her why they'd been fighting and she said that it had to do with her being bisexual. My only thought at the time was "well, that's a stupid reason to fight". 

University was when I first had openly gay friends. Some were the stereotypical ones (think Jack on Will and Grace) while others were very low key. On guy I knew went on to become a drag queen and wouldn't you know it? The bitch looked better in a dress than I did. LOL. He could walk better in heels too. As far as I was, and still am concerned today, they're just people. They're my friends. In a couple of cases, they're family.

I'm not sure where my liberal and accepting attitude came from. Maybe it's a product of my upbringing, my schooling, my friends or maybe it's just all me, but I'm glad that I see the world the way I do. I fully support the right of homosexual people to get married. I fully support their right to have/adopt children. And I believe that if they lead good, decent lives, they'll go onto Heaven (or whatever wonder afterlife place there happens to be) when they pass away just like the rest of the people who are good and decent.

It's hard to find love, trust me, I've been trying for a very long time now. I can only imagine how horrible it would be to finally meeting the right person and fall in love and want to build a life and future with that person and then to have society or the law or family turn around and tell me that I'm not allowed to do those things with the person I love. That's it's wrong or it's against nature.  That's just not right.

So, if you're reading this and you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered etc... please know that I am grateful that you read my blog and that you have my support. If you're already my friend, please know that I'll never judge you for your lifestyle and if you're family, please know that I'll always love you for you. And if I haven't met you yet, I'd really like to meet you!

No matter how you identify yourself with the world, just be happy to be you.

Happy Pride Week Ottawa!

Good Night,

Sarah

Evening Walk and Playlist August 26th 2012

There sure were a lot of critters out there tonight. I saw 2 rabbits, 2 ducks, had 2 chipmunks nearly run me over and had a dragonfly try to fly into my head. And a nice and rather cute dude on rollerblades stopped to chat with me for a minute :) All in all, a very nice walk this evening, even if it was 30 with the humidex.

Here's what fueled the fire tonight:

Count On Me - Default
Falling On - Finger Eleven
Forever - Papa Roach
The Good Life - Three Days Grace
Use Me - Hinder
Small Town Dead - Bleeker Ridge
Every Lie - My Darkest Days
Get Thru This - Art of Dying
Say You'll Haunt Me - Stone Sour
Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback

Just An Ordinary Day

I had a very lovely day today. I ventured down to the Byward Market for their sidewalk sale. I got some special "healing" bath salts for 30% off so that was nice. My buddy Xtinktor came with me as he needed something from the Apple store. It was great having someone to chat with and to carry my heavy veggies for me. LOL. I hit up the Italian market and got some very nice Capicola ham and Spicy Pancetta to put on the pizza I made tonight. I also picked up fresh cauliflower, peaches, blueberries, potatoes and corn. I love having access to a farmer's market. It really is a wonderful thing.

For dinner I made pizza, including the dough from scratch. Sort of ran into a problem there. I use 1 cup of whole wheat and 1/2 cup of white flour in my recipe. I don't have any white flour right now, so I substituted some gluten free all purpose flour....big mistake. LOL. The dough rose but the texture was off and it wouldn't stretch properly, thanks to the missing gluten. Oops. I was able to press it out flat on a cookie sheet and continued on. It tasted just fine.  Live and learn, right?

I watched "Back to the Future 3" this evening. I love those movies. Xtinktor and I were talking about older movies today, specifically Ghost Busters (another classic) and the Indiana Jones series. Why can't they make movies like those anymore? Ok, the 4th Indiana Jones was more recent and there's supposed to be a Ghost Busters in the works but there nothing quite like those anymore. Sigh. Maybe I'm just feeling old. Actually, I said something today that made me feel old. I said "I can remember watching that on VHS". Damn.

Can't say I really have much on my mind tonight. The double chocolate cupcake and glass of wine that I had earlier seem to have cleared out my brain for the time being :) I was thinking about how nice it would be to have someone to cuddle with while I was watching the movie tonight, but then I was hot and decided that I would have just been hotter with someone next to me so why bother? Yeah. I'm blaming that thought process on the wine. Might account for why I was being warm too.

Ok, enough rambling. I need to get me some shut eye.

Good Night!

Sarah

The Waiting Game

I've been at this for just shy of a month now and I'm 2 page views away from 800 page views. That's so freaking awesome! I can't believe that people actually read this! (I turned it off so it doesn't count my own page views.) I'm so amazed. I'm guessing that I'll break the 800 mark tonight. I can't wait until I hit 1000. I'll have to do something special then.

So a follow up from yesterday's blog: My trip to doctor's office.

What a waste of time. I got there 10 minutes early and checked in. I give the receptionist my health card, she scans it and tells me to have a seat. So I did. And I waited and waited and waited and waited. Finally, at 11:30am, I asked the lady what the hold up was and she gave me some BS
about waiting for a room to open up (they're also a walk in clinic). I reminded her that I had an appointment. She came back out with folders and asked my name again. After flipping through the folders, she asked for my health card again and told me to come with her. Then she swiped my card again and showed me to a room where I spent another 20 minutes waiting for the
doctor. After walking by the room and putting his lunch in the microwave, my doctor finally came in
and asked me hat he could do for me today. I just looked at him for a second. Clearly the fact that I was there for a physical was never passed along to him. So I said that I was supposed to have a physical.  All he said was "oh". I then said that Ineeded to be at work in 6 minutes. So he flipped through my chart quickly and did up a blood test form. I quickly mentioned one issue I'm having and he added some more blood teas and gave me the form. I asked if I needed to fast for the test and he said no. So that was an upside. Until he flipped back through the chart and said to me "I don't have a Cholesterol number for you". So he added it and then said "Now you have to fast". Well dammit. He then gave me the option of re-booking or having him call me if the results were wonky. I said I'd re-book. I've had issues in the past with that clinic not calling me with results when I've asked for them. I went back to reception and re-booked for 2 weeks from now so that there's time for my test results to come back before I see the doctor again. What a friggin' gong show. The Doctor did say that he has no control over when the patients come back and asked me if the receptionist had forgot about me. Apparently she forgot about another man too because I heard him tell his doctor that he'd been waiting for 2 hours to be let in to see her. My doctor did seem annoyed at the delay so I guess that makes me feel a little better.

So it will be a few more weeks before I know what's what. I now need to find a lab that's open on a Saturday or I have to go into work late on Monday as the lab near me doesn't open until 8am. Sigh.

At least work went well. I ended up working until nearly 6:30 to make up some of the time I lost this morning. It was a good day and I managed to get some things done and have a couple laughs and a slice of cake along the way. I picked up sushi for dinner. It was soooo yummy! I had raw tuna in one of the rolls tonight. That's a new one for me. I'd tried raw tuna on its own before and didn't like how gooey it was, but in the roll is was quite nice.

Now I'm relaxing in my living room, watching Shaun of the Dead :) Not the most thrilling way to spend a Friday night but I'm enjoying it.

Good Night!

Sarah

Negative Nellies

I can't figure out why, but lately, where ever I look, I'm seeing negativity.

People at work. People online. The local news. Even some of my own thoughts. I have control over my own thoughts, and I've been doing what I can to correct those but what does one do to fend off the negativity oozing out of everything else?

It's a little hard to escape at work. It's not like I can just up and leave. Though I'm pretty sure everyone has fantasised about that one. Heck, some days I think about doing it every 20 minutes or so. By 9am today I was contemplating escape :)

Online, I just stop reading the things certain people are posting or stop visiting the groups where their members were overly negative. Which does kind of suck. I join the groups for a reason, because I like connecting with similar minded people. But when no one seems to be able to see the good things, it sucks the fun out of everything.

As for myself, banishing the negatives, destroying the shadows with the light, is often easier said than done. For example: I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. It's for my annual physical. I haven't had one since January of 2009 because I haven't had a doctor since then. I was finally able to get a doctor back in May. I just now got around to making the appointment. I'm sitting here dreading it, thinking about how awful and icky it's going to be (Note - it's a male doctor. I've never had a male doctor before. I've always managed to find female doctors so I'm a little out of my comfort zone here). I should be thankful. I've gone 3 years without a regular doctor and I am currently experiencing a few health issues that I know need to be addressed. There are millions of people in the world that go their entire lives without ever receiving medical attention. Doctors simply don't exist where they live.

So why am I being so negative about it? Just because I'm uncomfortable? That hardly seems fair. I'm a mature, adult woman. "Suck It Up, Princess" comes to mind. LOL. Going to see the doctor is a good thing. If something is wrong (God forbid), getting it dealt with as soon as possible is a very good plan. And knowing that I'm in good health will bring me some very nice peace of mind. So I should push the negative thoughts aside and just focus on being happy and healthy.

The weekend is almost here. I get two days to myself with no real plans in place. Perhaps I can find something fun to do and regain some more of my positive outlook.

Good Night!

Sarah

Walking Playlist August 23rd 2012

Another great walk. Managed to keep a pretty good pace today too.

Here's what I rocked out to this evening:
Burn It To The Ground - Nickelback
Shut Up - Simple Plan
Everything - Buckcherry
Paralyzer - Finger Eleven
Gotta Get Me Some - Nickelback
Forever - Papa Roach
Devour - Shinedown
Devil On My Shoulder - Billy Talent
I Don't Care - Apocalyptica feat. Adam Gontire

Fuck Perfect

I am not a perfect person. I know, a highly shocking revelation, but it's true. And guess what? I don't ever want to be perfect.

In one of my groups on Facebook, someone asked us what we like most about ourselves. I replied with "I love everything about myself, even the parts that need improvement". I didn't mean it to be self deprecating in any way. It was a very honest answer. One of the other group members responded and said "You are perfect Sarah, in every way". Now I know that the meant it as a compliment, but it's so not fucking true. I am highly imperfect. And I like it that way.

We all have faults of some sort. We all have things about ourselves, be them physical, emotional, personality based etc. that we'd like to change. Frankly, I don't think human beings are supposed to be perfect and I think a lot of people would be so much happier if they stopped trying to reach that unattainable goal.

Somethings in this world can be perfect. You can have a perfect moment, a perfect day, a perfect dinner, a perfect dress, a perfect pair of shoes...but a perfect person? I don't buy it.

I'm all for striving to better ones' self. It's kind of what I'm in the middle of doing in my life at the moment. But I also know that while I can better myself, I can't perfect myself. Do you have any idea how boring it would be if we were perfect??  Maury Povich, Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil would all be out of business. What would we sit around and vent about? There would be no more self-help books or classes! We wouldn't need religion anymore since we'd all be perfect and have no sins or no moral issues to trouble us, so divine guidance would no longer be sought.

I think it's the imperfections in things that make them unique, especially in people. Isn't that the benchmark of real love? If you can love someone completely, faults and all, it's real and true love?

Society as a whole seems to put a little too much emphasis on perfect: Perfect Hair, Perfect Skin, Perfect Body, Perfect Clothes, Perfect Car, Perfect Computer and it goes on and on. We need to fight back and stand up for ourselves. Embrace your character flaws! Embrace your uneven complexion!Embrace your lovehandles! I will draw the line at embracing your suicidal/homicidal/pedophile tendencies though. Those are flaws that most definitely require professional help. But you get my point. It isn't until we all take a stand and let the world know that we're tired of them dictating our wants and goals to us, that things will start to change.

Stop trying to be perfect. It's more or less impossible to do. Just focus on improving instead and be happy with who you are. Love yourself and all your imperfections. I think you'll find that life is just a little easier if you do.

Good Night!

Sarah

A not quite perfect, but still incredibly beautiful butterfly

Walking Playlist August 22, 2012

Ah. That feels better. After missing my walk for about 2 weeks due to holidays, I got back out there tonight and it felt great. I also was sporting a new pair of runners, so that might have had something to do with it.

I saw a duck in the creek tonight :)

Here's what kept me going this evening:
Something In Your Mouth - Nickelback
Lips Of An Angel - Hinder
If You Only Knew - Shinedown
How You Remind Me - Nickelback
Lit Up - Buckcherry
Last Resort - Papa Roach
Sick and Twisted Affair - My Darkest Days
Tonight - Seether
Say You'll Haunt Me - Stone Sour

The World Is Mine

First day back at work after holidays. It was ok. The day went by rather slowly and I'm not 100% sure that I actually accomplished anything, but I certainly went through the motions. I had an upset tummy too thanks to a cappuccino I had in the morning so that didn't help things much. The pepto pills from my co-worker Boof did help me feel better, so that was a bonus :)

My evening was quiet and uneventful. I made it home before the rain started and make chicken Udon Noodle soup for dinner. It was very yummy. I also managed to put away most of my clothes from my suitcase.

Not sure if it's because I'm tired or because I'm missing my loved ones, but I was having a bit of a "woe is me" evening. Thinking of things that I didn't have and lementing about how much that sucks. Thankfully I managed to shake most of that off rather quickly and didn't give into my inner demons.

So rather than a long blog tonight, I'm going to share something with all of you that my Gram shared with me when I was a little girl. She gave me this little card that she's got at some point from a fancy resturant in town called the Knotty Pine. It had a poem written on it called "The World Is Mine". I love it from the first time I read it and it stuck with me all my life. In fact, I read it at my Gram's funeral (ok, attempted to read it...it's veyr hard to read when bawling one's eyes out). Anyhow, I thought of it again tonight when I was having my little pity party and it snapped me out of it. Here it is:

The world is mine

Today on a bus, I saw a lovely girl with silken hair
I envied her, she seemed so gay, and I wished I was so fair
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the isle
O God, forgive me when I whine
I have two legs, the world is mine

And then I stopped to buy some sweets
The lad who sold them had such charm
I talked with him, he seemed so calm, and if I were late it would do no harm,
And as I left he said to me “I thank you, you have been so kind”
It’s nice to talk with folks like you. You see, I’m blind
O God forgive me when I whine
I have two eyes, the world is mine

Later walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue
He stood and watched the others play; it seemed he knew not what to do
I stopped a moment, then I said, why don’t you join the others dear”
He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he could not hear
O God forgive me when I whine
I have two ears, the world is mine

With legs to take me where I’ll go
With eyes to see the sunsets glow
With ears to ear what I would know
O God forgive me when I whine
I’m blessed, indeed, the world is mine

By: Joy Lovelet Crawford

I hope you liked it.

Good Night!

Sarah

Sharbot Lake, ON

Back in the Saddle Again!

After a long day of travel, I am safely back home in Ottawa. My trip was pretty uneventful and I got a lot of reading done. I was able to check my suitcase in Toronto which made changing trains so much nicer since I didn't have to lug that 20lb suitcase around Union Station with me. There was a 3 month old baby in the seat behind me on the train. Thankfully he was very well behaved and only fussed a little bit. And in case you've read my rant about Via Rail and their cars....I got the fucking old uncomfortable red ones between Ottawa-Toronto and the same on the way back. Got the normal teal ones between Toronto-Kitchener. Seriously, I give up.

Before I left the house this morning, my dad called from work to say goodbye and to wish me a safe trip. I was a little taken back because I don't remember him doing that before. Letting him get off the phone and get back to work was hard. Saying "I'll see you at Christmas" to my mom at the train station when my train pulled in was even harder. I think we both nearly started to cry. I've waved goodbye to my parents or just my mom at the train station a hundred times by now but it never gets any easier. This evening my dad called to tell me that I had to go back home again....there was no more cobbler left and he needed me to come home and make more. That made me laugh.

It is nice to be back in my own place again, even if it does feel a bit off. I haven't finished re-arranging everything from when my balcony was repaired so things aren't quite as they should be and that bothered me a tiny bit when I got home. I think I'll put that on my "to-do" list for this weekend. It's back to work for me tomorrow. My boss is still on holidays so things won't be 100% normal at the office, which is kind of nice. Makes it easier to "ease" back into things.

Before I log off tonight, I want to share a link with everyone. One of my favourite bands, My Darkest Days, are auctioning off a Pink Kramer Nite V guitar which has been signed by them, Nickelback, Bush and Seether and was played everynight on the 'Here and Now' tour by Sal Coz Costa from MDD. The money raised will go to the Rethink Breast Cancer campaign. I'd love to be able to bid and win this, but alas, I am far too broke. Click here for the Ebay posting.

I'm off to bed early to catch up on some sleep before heading back to work tomorrow. Here's hoping that I can get back to walking tomorrow, especially since I have new kick-ass running shoes :)

Good Night!

Sarah

Allergies :(

My ears are itchy. Which really sucks because it's not like you can scratch them like you do your arm. All I can do, is sit here and wait for the allergy medication to start working. Grrrr. Usually my allergies are insane when I'm at my parent's house but they haven't been too bad this time around. Today was the worst day for my allergies. Not sure why. Maybe it was due to my dad cleaning out the garage as he stirred up all kinds of dust and crap.

I had a very lovely dinner with my parents tonight. Dad BBQ'd a roast, mom took care of the veggies and I made a killer Peach-Blueberry Cobbler for dessert (mom peeled and sliced the peaches for me). It was nice to bake again but it made me miss my own kitchen. My parent's kitchen is much bigger than mine, but I know where everything in my kitchen is. I had to keep asking my mom where things were.

Can't say that I really have much to talk about tonight. I'm almost all packed as I head back to Ottawa tomorrow. I'll be passing my friend Kristina along the way has she's Toronto bound. We'll wave at each other near Oshawa. Instead of two ships passing in the night, we'll be two trains passing in the day. Leaving is always bitter sweet. It's been nice getting to relax and see family and visit cool places but I also miss some of the routine of Ottawa. And I miss my bed. I have slept very well being at home though, which I think is largely due to the lack of stress. But damn that mattress is hard! My dad heads back to work tomorrow so we're kind of in the same boat.

I think I'm going to log off now and go up to my room and read for awhile before going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day of travel for me. My mom and I will leave the house around 8:15am and my train is scheduled to arrive in Ottawa at 4:27pm. So tomorrow night's blog might be a short and sweet one too.

Good Night!

Sarah

A butterfly landed on my shoulder yesterday.

We Are Family

Desmond Tutu once said: "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." Mr. Tutu was a pretty smart cookie because he's pretty much right.

I'm one of those rare people who truly like their parents. Even through high school when it wasn't cool to be seen with your parents or even admit you had parents, I still enjoyed spending time with them and hanging out with them. Growing up, most Saturdays were spent with my grandparents and then when my brother and I were old enough to do manual labour, we spent out Saturdays out at my great-grandparent's house where we cut the grass and helped my parents tend to the gardens out there (and ate copious amounts of homemade oatmeal cookies and ham sandwiches). Most of our summer vacations were spent visiting relatives: Great Aunt and Uncle and cousins in Sharbot Lake/Ottawa, Aunt, Uncle and cousins in New Brunswick, Aunt and Uncle in Thunder Bay.

So part of me finds it very odd that I choose to live pretty far away from my family. Heck, for 4 years I was more than 4,000kms away from them. That was hard. But now I live roughly 500kms away from them. Prior to last year, I saw my family maybe 2-3 times a year tops. Due to some good timing, paid holidays and some kick-ass seat sales, I've been able to come home 6 times in the last 13 months. As I said good-bye to family today, I said to them all "I'll see you at Christmas" and for the first time in a long time, that seemed like a very long period of time.

Living that far away, I do miss a lot of family parties, but I've only missed Christmas at home twice (and the 2nd time my brother came to visit me). This morning, I got to see my brother, sister-in-law, both my nieces and my nephew. This evening I had dinner and visited with my grandparents and my great aunt and uncle, who are like grandparents to me. It was a very nice "family" day. On Monday, I head back to my home in Ottawa. It will be nice getting back to my own place, my own bed. I won't have to worry about waking people up if I want to stay up late and read or watch a movie. I don't have anyone yelling at me if I have a 20 minute shower. I don't have anyone asking me what I'm doing or where I'm going or have to wait for anyone to get off the computer so I can use it. But I'll still miss my family. No matter how many times I stand on that train platform (or at that departure gate), saying goodbye never gets any easier. A little part of my heart breaks each time. I usually spend most of my train ride between Kitchener and Toronto thinking about my family and thinking back on my visit home. Once I get to Toronto, I focus on changing trains and then I focus on my trip to Ottawa.

Back in 2008, I was living in Calgary and had flown home to Cambridge to celebrate my 30th birthday with my family. Upon my return to Calgary, I was so sad to be back there, that I actually started to cry when the plane was on its final approach into Calgary. That was a major sign that it was time to think about re-locating. I sometimes so think about moving closer to home. It would be nice to be able to spend more time with family. But there really isn't anything here for me other than family. The jobs in the area are scarce and most of the people who I used to know here have moved away or I've lot contact with. I love Ottawa. I just wish I could find a way to be able to come home a little more often to visit, that's all. Or convince more people to come to Ottawa and visit me. I also am way overdue for visits to Sudbury, Calgary and Prince George. LOL. Apparently I need to find a man who owns his own plane or has a lot of spare air miles!

Tomorrow is my last full day of holidays at home as Monday will be a travel day. I plan on spending it all with my mom and dad, just enjoying their company...and access to free laundry :)

I hope everyone reading this can take a moment to call or visit some of their family and just enjoy the gift that is family.

Good Night.

Sarah

My mom and dad at the Cambridge Butterfly Conservatory

To Breed Or Not To Breed.

It's been a long and busy day today. I was back on Aunt duty this afternoon. My 5 month old niece and 4 year old nephew came over to visit this afternoon. My niece promptly started to cry and my nephew drove his toy car around the living room. I just stood in the middle of the room, shell shocked.

For those who know me well, they know this: I don't like kids. Ok, that's not quite true. It's more like, I don't handle being around children very well. In fact, they fucking scare the crap out of me. Maybe it was all the years of babysitting when I was younger, maybe it's the fact that I've been single forever or maybe it's that I'm too independent and career focused, but whatever the cause, I have no desire to be a mother. Gasp in shock all you will, but I said it and I mean it.

When I reveal this to people, I usually get the response of "But you'd be such a good mom" or "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man.". What the fuck? I'm pretty sure I'd be a good millionaire too but I don't see anyone stepping up to give me a million dollars to test out that theory. And the changing my mind when I meet the right man thing also terrifies me. The thought that my entire life would go ass over tea kettle just because I have a man in it really is a scary idea to me.

As a little girl, I played with dolls and pretended they were a baby. I took a babysitting course when I was 12 and baby-sat on and off through high school. I mothered all the neighbourhood kids since I was the only girl on the block. In highschool, I seemed to be the one everyone turned to for advice and this continued into University. In college, I often felt like a den mother. Maybe I got all the mothering out of my system early and that's why I feel the way I feel? I do recall my biological clock waking up and starting to tick while I was still living in Calgary. Perhaps in an attempt to snooze it, I actually managed to kill it completely? Who knows!

Perhaps the long and the short of it is that I feel that I'm just too fucked up to even contemplate raising a child. I swear there are some weeks where I can barely look after myself let alone another human being. I understand that being a parent is a gift and the most wonderful job in the world. I simply can't see it for myself and I'm happy with that.

What annoys me the most is that a lot of people seem to think that there's something wrong with me when I tell them that I don't want children. Like everything else in life, it's a choice. And I've made my choice.

I have to admit that I'm getting much better with kids now that I have some in my life. I took my nephew to the park. We played on the slides, the swings and the "car" that was in the play ground. My dad walked down and joined us and we had a great time. On the way home, we stopped at the store and I bought him a Popsicle and a sucker and we walked home and managed to get the Popsicles all over the both of us. I'm not sure which one of us was stickier. When my niece woke up from her nap, I was the one to pick her up and of course, she started to scream again. But with some help from my sister-in-law, we got her calmed down and I got to sit and play with my niece for about a half hour. She really is quite adorable. Even when she's screaming. I guess it is different when they're related to you. I do love them all and I did have fun with them, but I was very happy to be able to give them back at the end of the afternoon.

One of my best friends gave birth back in May to an adorable baby boy. I got to meet him and hold him when he was only a day old. That was insanely scary for me but very cool at the same time. And I was alright with that. While I am going to (and sort of already am) miss the relationship I had with his mom before he came along, I am extremely happy for her and her husband and will support her in any way I can. I have another good friend who really wants a baby too and can't wait until she's in a position to have one. I guess with all of these new children in and around my life, I really should word on getting more used to kids :)

Maybe I'm so mature and independent that I've forgotten what it's like to be a kid or how to be a kid for that matter. I don't know. But I do know that the more time I spend with them, the more I'm relaxing around them and am becoming less afraid.

None of us know what the future holds. While I don't foresee children in mine, I'm not going to say never. Too many strange things happen. But it will sure come as a mighty fucking shock to me if children do end up in my future. Maybe one day I'll look back on this blog and laugh my ass off at it. Or maybe I'll still be agreeing with it 10 years from now.

Either way, I am very happy and blessed to be an Aunt. I like this role and embrace it with an open heart. I just don't ever plan on embracing the role of "Mom" and I'm quite alright with that.

Good Night!

Sarah

Another flower from mom's garden!

"Something Wicked This Way Comes"

The title of tonight's blog doesn't really reflect the day I have. I picked it because it's one of my favourite lines in my second favourite Shakespeare play. It's a line from Act IV, Scene 1 in MacBeth. As it true with a lot of Shakespeare's quotes, it's only half the line. The full line is: "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."

I mention this because I spent the day in Stratford, Ontario with my parents. We went and saw "Much Ado About Nothing" at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival. It was awesome. I don't remember Much Ado being that funny, perhaps due to the fact that I was more than a decade younger when I first encountered it. Seeing it come to life was wonderful. Beatice is one of the few female Shakespeare characters who's strong and doesn't meet a fatal end. I really love her. One of my favourite lines of her is " I'd rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear that he loves me". Her battle of the wits with Benefick is definitely one of Shakespeare's best examples of writing. And it's friggin hysterical.

The long and the short of it is that Beatrice refuses to settle for any man, just for the sake of marriage. She believes that love and marriage are a curse, and so does the man she ends up marrying. I think I like the character so much because I can relate to her. I like to think that I'm just as witty as she is, but I'm not quite so mean. And I'm not willing to settle either. Yes, I'm single. Yes, I've been single for a very long time. Unlike Beatrice, I do believe in love and marriage, but like her, I will not settle just for the sake of not being single anymore. I'd rather be single and happy than married and miserable. I enjoy being a strong, independent woman. I just wouldn't mind having someone to protect me from time to time when I opt to let my guard down. And cuddle with. And steal kisses from. LOL. You get my point.

I really do love Shakespeare. Whether you believe he truly existed or not, his works have stood the test of time. I'd love to be able to write something that one day that would still be relevant and enjoyed 500 years from now.

Not entirely sure what we're up to tomorrow. My dad is going golfing and my mom and I are going grocery shopping. In the afternoon, my niece and nephew are being dropped off for a few hours so that I can spend some time with them. I have to admit, I'm slowly getting used to being around kids. I'm still leery about it, but they're drawing me in!

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow."
(bonus points if you know which play that's from...without resorting to Google!)

Sarah

Afternoon Delight

It was a rather quiet day today. Originally we were going to go to the beach but thanks to the weather not being what was originally forecast and my stomach deciding to pitch a fit, we ended up staying close to home and just ran some errands. I did end up with $25 worth of K-Cups in a whole variety of flavours and 3 bags of the Asparagus flower pasta that I love. So that was good. The rest of the day was spent reading.

I love to read. I love to be able to just sit, relax and let my imagination brings the words to life. Books can take you anywhere. They can make you believe in anything. They can invoke the whole gamete of emotions. Some say movies do the same, but not to the extent that books do. When you watch a movie, you see someone else's ideas of what the characters look like. You see someone else's idea of what a place looks like. With books, you get the description of the people and places from the author, but it's up to you to make them come to life in your head. It's one of the reason why I'm not a huge fan of movies that come from books. You get an idea in your head about what things look like and often the actors/actresses don't match what you have in your head.

This happened to me with "One for the Money". I adore Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. The books are funny and make for a very entertaining read. I was actually excited to hear that the first book was being made into a movie. Unfortunately, only 3 actors lived up to my mental image of the characters. I think when a book is being made into a movie, the fans should get to vote and select the actors rather than a casting agent.

In case you really want to know, I'm currently reading "Shadow of Night" by Deborah Harkness. It's the 2nd book in a 3 book series. The first book is "A Discovery of Witches". Both books are very well written and are intelligent and full of all kinds of interesting facts and ideas. Yes, it does involve Witches and Vampires (sorry, no werewolves but there are Demons....but they're not what you think) but this isn't anything remotely close to Twilight. It kind of makes me want to study science :)
I'm fortunate to come from a family of readers. My mom always has a book on the go and so did my grandmother. She was actually a volunteer who would take library books to shut-ins. So reading runs in my family and is important. Books provide entertainment and knowledge. You can learn something new or escape to a far away place, fall in love or get scared to death.

One day I will write a book and send it out into the world for others to enjoy.

I'm off to Stratford tomorrow to see a play at the Festival Theatre. We're seeing "Much Ado About Nothing" written by one of my all time favourite authors, William Shakespeare. I'm rather excited. But more on that tomorrow.

One more thing before I end the blog tonight. Today is the 100th birthday of Julia Child. She was an incredible woman, full of great character, full of life and possibly full of butter. She was first introduced to me by my high school home ec. teacher and I've loved her ever since. I hope to one day be able to cook like she did: with reckless abandon and no fear at all. She died in 2004 at the age of 91, so maybe there's something to the butter thing after all. And the wine. Bon Appétit Julia!

Good Night All.

Sarah

Hey Mister! Can I Pet Your Snake?

So today turned out to be a rather interesting day.

It started off being pretty normal. The damn garbage and recycling trucks woke me up so my goal of sleeping in past 8 didn't really happen. Remember, I'm on holidays, so sleeping is allowed! Mom, dad and I then headed off to Brampton. It rained the whole way, which sucked. The bathroom in the Shell station just off the highway was surprising clean and smelt nice, so that was great. Getting to see my cousin Linda after WAY TOO LONG totally ROCKED! We all had a nice visit and got to go out for a nice lunch. My dad also managed to back up the car and not run over my thumb ring, so that was an added bonus :) Yes, that's what I said. The darn thing fell off as I was getting out of the car and it rolled under the car, just out of reach. Apparently I need smaller rings.

Anyhow, after our very nice visit, we headed home as we needed to stop in and check up on the oldies (also know as my mom's best friend's parents, or Mr. and Mrs. B). They're a very charming couple who are 98 and 99 respectively. And they're quite a hoot. Well, for me atleast. They remind me a bit of my grandparents so I really do enjoy visiting them. While we were there, they asked if we could run and get some groceries. So my dad and I headed off, leaving mom at the house with Mrs. and Mr. B. The grocery shopping was normal and we managed to fine everything on the list. Dad said that he'd like to stop at the Tim Horton's next to the grocery store for a tea. I thought that was a super idea. So after putting the groceries in the car, we headed over. We're almost at the Tim's when dad points to a man in the parking lot and says "Check out that snake". I look over and sure enough, there's two men in the parking lot, holding a 6 foot long Boa Constrictor. Not exactly something you see everyday in a Tim's parking lot. I just happened to have my camera in my purse so I joked to my dad "Maybe I should ask if I can take a photo". I should know better than to joke with my dad because the next thing you know, he's walked up to the snake man and asked if we can take a photo. Snake man said "Sure! And you can hold him if you like".

I can't explain the thought process that occurred, but the next thing you know, I have my arms full of snake. Turns out, that it was a very nice snake. He's 2 years old and his name is Goliath. I have held a snake before, just not one this big. He seemed to like me because after wrapping himself up in my arms, he proceeded to do the snake equivalent of falling asleep. Good to know that I have a calming effect on large snakes. Or maybe it was the threat of turning him into shoes to match my new purse that made the snake behave.

I got to hold Goliath for almost 5 minutes before it was time to head into Tim's and get our caffeine fix. Goliath didn't want to let go and his owner had to un-wrap him from my hand. If you've never held a snake before (and I'm talking the reptile kind for all of you who have your minds in the gutter), they're actually quite smooth and feel a little on the cool side to the touch. And at no point was I afraid of it. Had it been a giant ass spider, I would have been on the other side of the parking lot in a heart beat, but I have no problems with snakes. Even ones big enough to swallow my leg :)

So that was my day. My evening was quite tame in comparison seeing as it was spent just sitting outside with my parents or inside watching tv with them. I did get to see their friendly neighbourhood rabbit before dinner. It was in the neighbour's yard and it chased a bluejay, which had swooped in to get a peanut. I didn't know that rabbits didn't like birds. Interesting.

Who knows what adventure I'll stumble upon tomorrow?

Good Night!

Sarah

Short and Sweet

Not much on my mind tonight so it's going to be a short Blog. I'm rather sleepy after my day out with Mom and Dad. They're very entertaining individuals :)

We went to the outlet mall in Niagara Falls, Ontario and I ended up with 2 new pairs of shoes, 9 new pairs of socks and a new purse. We went to a very nice Greek restaurant in St. Catherine's called "Joe Feta's". It was featured on an episode of "You've Got To Eat Here" and my dad wanted to go, so we did. They kept setting cheese on fire. It was interesting for sure. The food was good though. I was impressed because I don't think my parents have ever had Greek food. Mom certainly hadn't. Dad thought he might have.
They're adorable. LOL.

Everytime I come home for an extended visit, I can't help but think "What if I lived closer?". I often long to be able to just pop home for a Sunday dinner once in a while. Or be able to attend all the family functions that pop up like birthdays and special anniversaries. I'd able to see my family more often. Get to watch my nieces and nephew grow up. But at the same time, I like my life in Ottawa. I really like my job and I love my freedom and independence.

I could drive myself nuts thinking about it. So instead, I just keep faith that I'm where I'm supposed to be. The universe/God is looking after me and making sure I'm where I need to be.

I've got another big day ahead of me tomorrow, with more visits with family and friends. I should get some sleep...and maybe read another chapter in my book.

Good Night!

Sarah

Rose of Sharon in my parent's yard.

The Past Has Passed!!

I spent a lovely and relaxing day with family today. After dinner, my dad and I went for a walk and he pointed out to me things that were new or families that had moved or mentioned who had moved into the neighbourhood. Part of our walk took us around our old high school. I also walked around it yesterday on my walk. But it wasn't until I was home and sitting out front, enjoying the nice evening, that a thought struck me. Or better yet, it was the lack of a thought that hit me.

When I walked around the high school yesterday and again tonight, I didn't really feel anything. I noticed that not much about the school had changed except for a small addition at the back, a new score board and some new signs, but that's it.

There was no wave of nostalgia. No inundation of faded memories. No reminders of a life passed. Nothing. Which is extremely unusual for me. Usually being home brings back a flood of memories, some good, some bad. And any time that I've gone up to the high school before has turned into a mental stroll down memory lane. But not this time.

So what's changed? Have I finally been able to reconcile with the ghosts of my past? Has my past finally passed away? Have I grown so much as a person that I'm finally able to do what I've wanted to do for so long...and have moved on?

I saw something on Facebook tonight that seemed to fit so perfectly with what's on my mind. It said " You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk." Wow. You're not kidding.

Letting go is something that I often struggle with. With somethings, I'm very good at being able to let go. With other, it's almost damn near impossible. People tend to be on the impossible side. Especially if they're people who have hurt me in some way. I'm really good at forgiving people. I'm able to do that. It's the forgetting, letting go and moving on part that seems so damn hard. I'm a highly emotional person (even if I don't always appear to be) so it makes sense that the people in my life make such a huge impact on me.

While there are a lot of people who I love to remember, there are definitely others that I'd pay good money to be able to forget. But they seem to be drifting away too. Without really realizing it, or even being conscious of it, I think I've grown again on a personal level.

I've been a lot happier lately and don't really have a reason for that. And I'm not really going to sit here and question the "why" either. Somethings just work out for the right reasons and we don't need to know why. But maybe I was able to ditch some emotional baggage without knowing I had and that's why I'm happier? Anything is possible in this world :)

I'm not sure how it happened and I'm not sure why it happened at this particular point in my life, but I'm glad it happened. I've made peace with the girl I used to be and have embraced the woman that I am. Some of my ghosts from long ago are gone and my soul is smiling with relief and hope. Hope for the continued changes to come.

Good Night everyone.

Sarah

It's Raining Bubbles!

We haven't had any decent rain since June. I take a week off and what happens? It rains. Murphy's Law, right? Oh well. They only thing the rain has stopped me from doing is watching the Perseid Meteorite shower tonight.

I got to sleep in this morning and then my brother and his family stopped by to drop off my nephew. Mom and I then headed out to shop as there was a 50% off all demin sale for today only. I walked out with a new (smaller!) pair of jeans, a beautiful dress ($19.97 marked down from $60.00) and a new bra. We ran some errands, grabbed lunch and came home to rescue my dad, who was home alone with the nephew.

I was then on Aunt duty. So I took my nephew downstairs where I made a very kick-ass fort out of blankets and pillows. He was really excited about it and he even hid his blankie and DS in the fort. I then helped him hide so that grandpa couldn't find him. After that, we went outside and fed the chipmunks and squirrels. We then got the bubbles out an I kept him occupied by blowing the bubbles, which he'd then chase and pop. I proved to be the pro at that as my dad managed to spill the bubbles all over his foot and into his Crocs. LOL. He had to get a watering can and wash the soap off the patio stones and out of his shoe.

After the bubbles, I chased my nephew around the yard and played keep away with a bright green volleyball. Both of us worked up a sweat. We where then back to the bubbles. There were bubbles everywhere!!!

I have to admit, it was a lot of fun. And I am rather tired now but am still smiling. I guess seeing the world through a child's eyes can kind of make you feel younger and make your heart smile.

Speaking of being an Aunt, major congrats go out to my friend Steph who became an aunt in the wee hours of this morning. May the spoiling begin!

Good Night!

Sarah

Improvements my ass...

For those of you who know me, you know that I take the train quite a bit. I'm talking about the Via Rail train here, usually between Ottawa, ON and Kitchener, ON. Over the last year, I've been on it about 11 times, including today. Via has been undergoing some major renovations. They're re-doing stations and the train cars amongst other things. It seems like they've been doing work on Union Station in Toronto for forever now. But the thing that I'm annoyed about, is their new cars.

They keep posting updates, talking about all the wonderful changes to their cars, to make them more accessible and comfortable. I'm convinced they're fibbing. Out of the last 11 trips on the train, I've managed to score a "newer" car once. And that was going between Ottawa and Montreal. My good friend Cameron and his wife came to Ontario from Calgary at Christmas. They took the train. They also took the train down to Toronto to visit family. They managed to score new cars several times. WTF??? I never get the new damn cars. In fact, in June I got one of Via's oldest cars (and least comfortable) for the whole trip and then I got the same damn old style again today to Toronto!!

It makes no sense to me. For the 1.5 hour ride, I managed to get one of the pretty new(er) cars but for the 5 hour ride I get old and uncomfortable? Jesus Christ VIA!!!! No wonder you're losing money. If that had been my first time on a train, I wouldn't be in any hurry to ride one again. The least they could do is lower fares (it's peak season so they're all higher now). And given the frequency they've been having seat sales, I'm thinking they're having a hard time getting riders. My train to Toronto was pretty packed today though.

I wonder if they'll actually do anything if I email VIA? I'm a pretty loyal customer and I'm not happy. I can't say that they're known for their customer service either. I think it all depends on the crew you get on the train. The head guy on the train to Toronto today wasn't very friendly, but the lady on the train to Kitchener was great. Hit and miss.

Ok. That vent is out of the way. Thanks to Cam for coming up with the topic. Even with the uncomfrotable seats, my trip was good. My morning was a little rough as I discovered that I lost my bus pass at some point yesterday evening. Thankfully, I discovered that before I hauled my suitcase out to the bus stop. My trip was pretty uneventful. There were lots of families on the trains with very young children but I had my iPod so I was ok. My trains were also on time, so that made my 24 minute connection a very smooth one. According to my mom, my parents were almost late getting to the train station to pick me up and she's blaming my dad. Dad's defence was "I pulled in before the train did". LOL. Looking down the platform and seeing them there totally made my day. It really is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

We've got my step-nephew coming over for a visit and sleep over tomorrow. He and my dad are planning to camp out in the yard or basement, depending on the weather. I think I'm planning on kidnapping my mom and having her take me shopping. One of my favourite stores has denim on for 50% off, tomorrow only :) I'm going to need to be well rested for tomorrow, that's for sure.

It's been a long day, but a good one and I'm very happy to be home.

Good Night!

Sarah

Photo my mom took a couple of summers ago. This is from their backyard.

One more sleep!

Despite the fact that is after 10pm, I'm not all that sleepy. Why? Because I'm too excited to sleep. Why? Because I'm on vacation!! Woohoo! I'm catching a train tomorrow and I'm off. 10 whole days at home and I can't wait. Oh yeah, I need to finish packing too :)
I can't wait to get on the train. I have a 24 minute stop over in Toronto and that's it! I have a good book with me and my iPod is full of tunes and a couple episodes of Downton Abbey and I'm good to go. I really do enjoy taking the train. It might be slower than flying, but it is very relaxing. I love being able to sit back and listen to my favourite songs and watch the cities, towns and countryside go by.

I can't wait to see my mom and dad again. Since my dad is on holidays too, we get to spend the whole week together and both my parents will be picking me up at the train station. That moment when I get off the train and look up to see the faces of my loved ones is on my most favourite things in the world. I'm always so excited and seeing that excitement reflected back at me is amazing. The train ride in from Toronto is just shy of an hour and a half and I can barely sit still. By the time we've got to Guelph, I can hardly sit still in my seat!!

I'm really looking forward to being able to visit with family and to kick back and relax. I'm also really looking forward to our trip to the Stratford Festival to see "Much Ado About Nothing". I can't believe that my dad agreed to that one. I think we have a trip to the beach (Long Point on Lake Erie) planned as well.

It might not be as glamorous as Paris or as spicy as Vegas but home can be a very good place to go for a vacation. And it's much easier on the bank account too. I will do my best to continue blogging from my parent's house but I guess it all depends on if we're actually at home or not or if we're off, wandering Southern Ontario and getting up to all kinds of Shenanigans :)

Good Night!

Sarah

Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?

Wow. What a friggin' long day. And I didn't even get to go for my walk tonight. That's partly due to the fact that it was 6:30 by the time I got home from work and running errands. I had to start cleaning my apartment tonight too since I leave for holidays on Friday.

Why is it that the closer you get to vacation time, the more hectic work becomes? I was there late mostly because I was trying to tie up loose ends so that the person covering for me while I'm gone isn't totally lost. Then one of our mangers saw that I was still there and the next thing you know I was sending an email to England. Oh yeah, and the power went out for about 3 seconds too. That's the kind of day it's been. Thankfully the thunderstorm that caused the power flicker was over with by the time I left. All I got was a rumble of thunder in the distance about 2 blocks of rain. The sun was out by the time I got home. And a really hot construction worker sat next to me on the bus.

Lunch was even stressful today. I got interrupted by our IT guy, which wasn't so bad. They do favours for us all the time so I owed him. But one of my charming co-workers was going on and on about a comedy routine (which he went on about yesterday as well), which happens to involved some very not nice words. His argument was that he wasn't saying them, he was just repeating what someone else said. It's all semantics. The bad words exited his mouth, thus, he said them. Whether or not he believes that they should be used is irrelevant. I'm no saint here. I can swear like a sailor when I'm pissed off, extremely annoyed or drunk, but I also know when to draw the line and know what is and isn't appropriate in a group setting. Why bring them up in the first place?? Just to see what kind of a reaction you can get?? Boggles my mind. Anyhow, one of the words made most of the females uncomfortable and the other one very much displeased one of our fellow co-workers who wasn't part of the conversation but was in the area and could hear it. Said displeased co-worker spoke up and asked for a change of topic, which he immediately got. The entire incident kind of put a damper on things and I was already stressed out so it did not lead to a good afternoon. In case you're dying of curiosity about the words said, I'll give you some clues. The first one started with a C and rhymes with Blunt. The second one starts with an N and rhymes with Trigger. Yeah. Not exactly works you here every day eh?

Some of this lead to another co-worker and I having a very interesting discussion. Alanna raised the question to me about whether or not we're our true selves at work, or do we act differently in the office than we do when we're out with our non-work friends. We did decide that most people are relatively the same, but perhaps are just more relaxed outside of work. I had to agree with her. I'd say that at work, about 75% of me is the same as the non-work me. The biggest difference being that I'm more serious and more "up tight" at work than I am when I'm home alone or out with non-work friends. I censor myself more at work. I'm not quite as carefree and free-spirited at work than I am at home. Example - If I'm at home and am listening to music and a song I love comes on, I'll sing along and dance around. At work, I usually hum along to it and might "chair dance" a little but that's about it. Similar response, just one is more watered down than the other.

Perhaps we all need to be a little guarded. But what happens when it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? What happens when the work person is completely different that the home person? Which one is the real person? What happens when you spend half your day lying to someone? You're either lying to your co-workers or you're lying to those in your non-work life. Do you get confused? Do you spend half your day feeling empty? I really don't know. I can't say that I really know most of my co-workers outside of the office, except for sharing a few drinks with them from time to time. Which I've discovered is a little on the dangerous side. I lose my filter when I've been drinking. And it's not that I mind being 100% honest with my co-workers, it's more that I'm worried about scaring the shit out of them. And some things could be a little embarrassing later. Like the mention of a rather large gift...long story and I'm not drunk enough to tell it *grin*.

Ok, I'm friggin' tired and somewhat cranky due to a long and stressful day and no walk. I'm going to end my bitching here and head to bed. I have to pack tomorrow night. Just 2 more sleeps before I get to go home and see my parents!!

Sweet Dreams, whoever you are :)

Sarah

Ramble On!

The first day back after a long weekend and you'd think the world blew up or something. My morning at work was crazy! And this afternoon I was almost killed by sarcasm thanks to two of our managers. I keep telling them that it's Sarcastic Wednesday, not Tuesday. Sheesh. Some people just don't listen. My office is usually an unlimited source of amusement but today was a strange day all around. I'm blaming the heat.

I don't really have a point to tonight's blog. This falls into the "Rambling" category. I did see something funny on my bus ride home. A guy and a girl get off a at a stop. Almost as soon as she gets off, the girl hopes back onto the bus because she's forgotten her cell phone. She grabs it and gets to the door just as it closes and the bus pulls away with boy standing outside on the platform. Atleast the girl laughed about it and simply got off at the next stop. I have to admit, it was amusing. One of my co-workers, let's call them Mandy, was texting me on Saturday while on a train to Toronto. I still don't know how it happened, but Mandy somehow forgot to get off at the correct stop. Thankfully Mandy got off at the right stop upon their return to Ottawa. It's harder to miss your stop when it's the end of the line.

My co-workers aren't the only ones who amuse others. I made a rather juvenile penis joke at lunch today, which thankfully only the friend/co-worker sitting to my right heard. But as we thought about it, the joke got funnier until we were both laughing and had drawn everyone's attention to ourselves. A quick change of subject managed to work and we calmed down :) I swear to god, it's the heat. Or I'm in heat. Or both. Our office is very hot. We have heating/cooling issues. Some days I completely believe that the hotter it is in the office, the lower our maturity levels are. That sure would explain a lot. Except for Jack. I've got no explanation for him. I can't quite figure him out that bothers me. I'm usually very, very good at getting a feel for people (not literally!) but this one, I can't seem to place him. He reminds me of someone but I'm not sure who. A lot of what he does tickles some distant memories in the back of my head. It's fucking frustrating. Maybe if I stop thinking about it, the answer will come to me. It's worth a try.

Silly is good sometimes. If we take ourselves too seriously all the time, we grow old too fast. Taking a moment for silly seems to slow down the aging process and I'm all in favour of that.

By the sounds of things, it has started to rain again. We really need it so I hope it keeps up. Rain gently falling on the trees is one of my most favourite sounds in the world. So kids, I think I'll sign off here and go listen to the rain for a bit. I hope everyone made it through the day in one piece and I hope no one was eaten by zombies.

Good Night!

Sarah

Since it was a pretty random blog tonight, here's a random photo of my foot. Yes, I'm wearing bowling shoes.

Walking Playlist Aug 7th

The rain let up enough and in time for me to get out for my walk, which I was very happy about. There weren't many people out there tonight though. And the little creek was roaring!! Flowing very high and very fast. In some spots I could hear it over my music. Very wicked.

I opted for a different playlist tonight. I hit shuffle on my "favourites" playlist so you might see some songs/artists here today that you haven't seen me post before. So here's what I walked it out to tonight:

Twisted Transistor - Korn
Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects
Bleed It Out - Linkin Park
Get Over It - Ok Go
Somebody Told Me - The Killers
Dont't Trust Me - 3OH!3
Bottoms Up - Nickelback (we're all shocked that NB would appear, right? LOL)
Sexy And I Know It  - LMFAO
Without Me (dirty version) - Emimem
Casual Sex - My Darkest Days
Gel - Collective Soul

Zombies, Witches and Vampires, Oh My!

It's been one week since you looked at me...Oops, sorry. That's the Barenaked Ladies, not me. Seriously, it's been one week since I started blogging and I've managed to keep to my goal of blogging every day. The results have been quite surprising. I never expected it to be so therapeutic. Who knew that it would feel go good to get some of the things rolling around in my head, out of my head? Sure as shit wasn't me :)

I had a very relaxing day today. I didn't do much of anything. Slept in until after 10, got up had breakfast. I did attempt to do a load of laundry 3 times. Some jackass was hogging our laundry room. Personally, if I have more than 2 loads of laundry to do, I do them on different days our of respect to my fellow tenants. We only have 1 washer and 1 dryer so tying them up for 5 hours isn't very nice.

Anyhow, I spent most of my day reading and watching episode of "Charmed". Netflix is evil. One of the things I read today was a friend's blog. She mentioned zombies in it. I've mentioned zombies in one of my earlier blogs to. So that got me to thinking about tonight's blog topic. And asking myself: What's the draw?

Seems like pop culture loves the supernatural and undead. We had Teen Wolf with Michael J Fox back in the 80s, got our Vampire and Witch fill with Buffy, Angel, Interview with a Vampire and Charmed in the 90s, Witches and Wizards made a roaring come back thanks to Harry Potter and of course the kinds and queens of the undead are back with Twilight. Somewhere alone the way we have some zombies tossed in too. Shaun of the Dead is one of my favourite movies.

The supernatural aren't exactly new. They've been around for a very long time. The opening scene of Shakespeare's Macbeth starts with three witches. They're the ones who tell Macbeth that he will be king. That was written somewhere around 1606. Then we've Mary Shelley who introduced us to her monster, Frankenstein in 1818 and then good ol' Bram Stoker gave us Dracula in 1897. I'm not sure why, but Frankenstein never seems to be quite as popular as the others. Maybe he doesn't have any real street cred. Or maybe it's because Shelley was way ahead of her time and she created something that seems just a little too real. Think about up. Doctors have been able to successfully do a face transplant... so the idea of building someone from spare body parts really isn't all that far fetched.

Our new pals, the zombies, have been part of African and Haitian culture for centuries. It's only been since the late 19th century or so that they really entered our culture and now they're pop culture darlings.

But where do all these things come from? Take Dracula for instance. It's long been believe that the character created by Stoker was based on a real man: Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia who was later known as Vlad the Impaler - guess what he used to do to his victims? Rumour has it that he used to drink the blood of his enemies in order to make him stronger. Eww is all I have to say.

Witches are a newer form of the old Pagan religions which have been around since well, before Christ. It can be argued that several of our holidays are just converted pagan holidays or perhaps that's just a happy coincidence.

Most myths are based on some sort of truth. Something strange happens that scares the shit out of everyone and no one can explain it, so a story is made up to make sense out of the stuff we can't make sense of. The stories get passed along from village to village, generation to generation. Someone eventually writes them down and just like that, a myth becomes part of our culture.

I'm not going to say whether or not I believe in any of it. That's a discussion for another day. But you have to admit, the unknown and the unexplained do make for some very enjoyable entertainment.

Oh, and if we're ever being chased by zombies, I'd totally trip the person beside me, but I'd feel bad about it later.

Sweet dreams!

Sarah

(Had a heck of a time finding a photo to go with this blog...this one is from Hallowe'en 2009)