The Past Has Passed!!

I spent a lovely and relaxing day with family today. After dinner, my dad and I went for a walk and he pointed out to me things that were new or families that had moved or mentioned who had moved into the neighbourhood. Part of our walk took us around our old high school. I also walked around it yesterday on my walk. But it wasn't until I was home and sitting out front, enjoying the nice evening, that a thought struck me. Or better yet, it was the lack of a thought that hit me.

When I walked around the high school yesterday and again tonight, I didn't really feel anything. I noticed that not much about the school had changed except for a small addition at the back, a new score board and some new signs, but that's it.

There was no wave of nostalgia. No inundation of faded memories. No reminders of a life passed. Nothing. Which is extremely unusual for me. Usually being home brings back a flood of memories, some good, some bad. And any time that I've gone up to the high school before has turned into a mental stroll down memory lane. But not this time.

So what's changed? Have I finally been able to reconcile with the ghosts of my past? Has my past finally passed away? Have I grown so much as a person that I'm finally able to do what I've wanted to do for so long...and have moved on?

I saw something on Facebook tonight that seemed to fit so perfectly with what's on my mind. It said " You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk." Wow. You're not kidding.

Letting go is something that I often struggle with. With somethings, I'm very good at being able to let go. With other, it's almost damn near impossible. People tend to be on the impossible side. Especially if they're people who have hurt me in some way. I'm really good at forgiving people. I'm able to do that. It's the forgetting, letting go and moving on part that seems so damn hard. I'm a highly emotional person (even if I don't always appear to be) so it makes sense that the people in my life make such a huge impact on me.

While there are a lot of people who I love to remember, there are definitely others that I'd pay good money to be able to forget. But they seem to be drifting away too. Without really realizing it, or even being conscious of it, I think I've grown again on a personal level.

I've been a lot happier lately and don't really have a reason for that. And I'm not really going to sit here and question the "why" either. Somethings just work out for the right reasons and we don't need to know why. But maybe I was able to ditch some emotional baggage without knowing I had and that's why I'm happier? Anything is possible in this world :)

I'm not sure how it happened and I'm not sure why it happened at this particular point in my life, but I'm glad it happened. I've made peace with the girl I used to be and have embraced the woman that I am. Some of my ghosts from long ago are gone and my soul is smiling with relief and hope. Hope for the continued changes to come.

Good Night everyone.

Sarah