Game On!

Have I mentioned how happy I am to have hockey back? Well I am. I missed it. I really did. I am a true Canadian woman, so I love me my hockey. LOL.

There was no blog last night because I was out, cheering on my team and it was on the late side by the time I got home.

For her birthday, I gave my friend Steph a ticket to the Ottawa vs. Montreal game. It turned out to be almost a better present for me than her. We managed to escape work at a pretty decent time and got to the arena before 6pm, which was awesome. Not only did that mean that we got a pretty sweet parking spot, but we were also able to wander the building without fighting the crowds.

We opted to eat dinner at the rink and we had massive poutines for dinner. We lucked out and one of the ushers was handing out coupons for the place that sold the poutine. The suckers were huge and neither one of us finished ours.

Being at the rink early gave us a chance to watch warm up too. Steph was pissed because Montreal's #1 goalie wasn't playing and neither was the new guy they'd just signed. I was happy with my line up, even if Spezza was out with an injury.  The game was a good one. It was pretty fast paced (when the referees weren't blowing the whistle every 5 seconds) and there were 2 fights in the first 5 minutes. Things settled down after that.

I've missed seeing hockey live. It's so different when you're sitting in the stands, surrounded by fellow fans, cheering on your team. The sights, the sounds, the smells - they're all awesome. And it all adds to the experience and enjoyment of the game. It's the sort of thing that I think everyone should get to experience. Even if you're not a huge sports fan, there's enough stuff there to keep you occupied. Just watching the people is entertaining enough. Like the girls who were drinking their beer through a straw. Or the puck bunnies in the row behind us or the poor guy down in the 100s who got hit in the head with a stray puck. I guess he missed the warning about flying objects coming over the glass.

We hung out at the rink for a bit after the game, waiting for the parking lot to thin out. That worked well and we didn't spend too much time in traffic. The city is building a new highway access ramp for the arena so traffic will be much better once that's done.

Even though it was almost midnight by the time I got into bed, it was a great night. I had great company, great entertainment and my team cleaned house winning 5-1, which was the icing on the cake. I can't wait to go back and see my team play again.

Now it's time to crawl back into bed and try to catch up on some of the sleep I missed last night.

Good Night!

Sarah

If I See Another Happy Couple/Person on a Beach Photo, I Might Just Self Combust

I keep sitting here, looking at this blank screen and suddenly my thoughts are as blank as it is.

I guess some thoughts really are too personal to share. 

I am very tired. The irony being that despite how tired I am, I'm sleeping like shit. I either can't fall asleep for hours or I do fall asleep but then wake up 4-5 times in the night since I can't seem to stay asleep. The snow plows clearing the mall parking lot at 1:30am on Monday didn't help matters any. 

There is one thing that's kind of pissing me off right now. It's everyone posting beautiful photos on Facebook from their assorted vacations in tropical places. Everyone looks like they're having/had so much fun and the weather and the beaches look so awesome. And I'll admit it. I'm down right jealous. 

Ignoring the fact that I don't have anyone who'd be available to go on said vacation with me, the long and the short of it is that I simply can't afford to go on a tropical vacation. The only time in my adult life that I've got on a real vacation was May 2007, when I went to Vegas for 4 days with my buddy Cam. And I was only able to do that because my Gram had passed away and left me some money, which came with the instructions "Have some fun with it". So I took 75% of it and paid off one of my student loans (no, that wasn't the fun part) and I took what was left and went to Vegas.

One of my co-workers recently said "Travel is totally worth going into debt for". Unfortunately, I can't agree with him. Speaking as someone who's spent the better part of the last 10 years trying to get out of debt, I can't really think of much that's worth being put back into the brutal whole. I can finally kind of see the light at  the end of the tunnel. I keep looking at the money in my investment account and thinking that I could really go on a kick ass vacation with that money. But then I remember why that money's there. It's there so that in 30 years, I can go on that kick ass vacation, every year. I think of spending it and then I'm reminded of what and who I still owe. I think of spending it and then I look around my crappy apartment at all my hand me down and worn out furniture and realize that a new couch is much more practical than a week in Cuba. A new kitchen table and a new arm chair would serve me so much better than a Caribbean Cruise.

Some days I wish I wasn't so responsible. If I wasn't, I'd probably be on a beach somewhere right now. What really frosts my cupcake is watching people who constantly complain about having no money go on said trips ( these are the same people who tell you about their horrible debt in once sentence and then tell you about their new jumbo screen tv/new fully loaded car/new top of the line phone in the next sentence ). I could buy a whole new living room set for less than the cost of a trip to Mexico. No wonder the economy is such a mess and so many people are in debt. No one cares about the consequences anymore. Why bother worrying about your bills when you can just file for personal bankruptcy and sweep it all away? Or so all of the "credit counselling" commercials lead you to believe.

No one takes responsibility anymore. I had not one but two independent financial planners tell me that I was the "perfect" candidate for personal bankruptcy. That kind of surprised me. They didn't try to offer me any advice, any re-payment ideas - nope, take the quick and easy way out and start over.

But I didn't do it. I keep at it and finally managed to find a better solution. I still have to pay back every single cent of my debt, I just managed to be given an opportunity to do it sooner and without my credit rating taking a nose dive. Truthfully, I thought about it but I felt bad at the idea of shirking my responsibilities. I wasn't raised that way. I realize that some people get themselves so far into trouble that that is the only option for them and that's fine. That's what it's there for. That's what it's intended for. 

We're told to live within our means. I get it. I'm doing that and my means aren't that fantastic but it's a work in progress and I know that it will slowly get better, if I just keep at it.

That isn't to say that I don't keep an eye on the travel websites. You never know when an absolute steal of a deal will come along.

But for the time being, I'll just keep plugging away and will look forward to my trip to Montreal in April. It's only a couple of days and it's only 2 hours away but it's a fun change of scenery. The BioDome and Botanical Gardens do feel like you're in a tropical paradise too.

Enough venting for now. I'm going to go and attempt to sleep, if I don't end up maiming my upstairs neighbour first. He's been banging/thumping/dropping crap for the last 5 minutes. No wonder I'm not sleeping well. I really need to move.

Good Night.

Sarah

Weirdness

I didn't blog last night. I tried to but nothing came out. I stared at the blank screen for a good 5 minutes and then opted to pack it in and go to bed. Truth is, I really don't have much to say tonight either. My head is in a strange place. There's lots rolling around in my brain but I can't seem to focus on any one thing. It's like there's lots of back ground noise but I can't pick out a specific song or voice.

I've had several nights of strange dreams and watching the news today was just plain bizarre. The top 3 news stories were about the tragic deaths of hundreds in a night club fire in Brazil, a female's torso being found in a dumpster in Kitchener, ON and apparently she had on a "Forget being a princess, I want to be a Vampire" t-shirt (why that's relevant to the story, I have no idea. I can see it being used to help identify her, but the media seems to be stuck on it) and of course, the election of the new Provincial Liberal Party leader in Ontario - who happens to be a woman. And she's gay (and legally married too! Again, the media seems stuck on something that I don't think is overly relevant). Personally I don't care if the new leader is male, female, black, white, purple, gay, straight, bisexual or an alien from outer space so long as they can do a good job and get the province out of the massive hole we're in. And calm down the pissed off teachers too.

I feel restless yet I don't seem to have much energy or desire to do anything. Even listening to some of my favourite music today was annoying me. Every little sound from my neighbours was getting on my nerves. I'd catch myself just staring out the window, not really looking at anything in particular and then I'd glace at the clock and realize that I'd lost 15-20 minutes. Something is brewing in my subconscious. I just have to wait and see what it is. Perhaps work will help. Often when I focus on something else, my mind relaxes and whatever it is I'm processing in the background has a chance to come forward.

Good Night.

Sarah

Robbie Burns

Today is Robbie Burns Day. It's a day to celebrate the works of a great author and enjoy a little bit of haggis. I had sushi for dinner instead but that doesn't really matter. Robert Burns was born in Scotland on January 25th 1759 and is know as Scotland's favourite son. He was a poet and lyricist. Most people probably know him for his poem "Auld Lang Syne" which was then set to some traditional folk song and now we all sing it while ringing in the new year. Bet you didn't know that the song was that old.

Now I'm not sure if I should be concerned or not, but I can hear a lot of running water tonight. We have hot water heat so I hear it in the heaters all the time, but tonight I can hear it in the pipes in the bathroom/closet and the heaters in the hallways outside the apartment sound like they have rivers running through them. And every time I flush the toilet, I can hear it echo in my bath tub, quite loudly. While sitting here writing this blog, I've heard the bath tub echo, twice. I'm guessing someone else at this end of the building flushed their toilet too. I can't see any water coming up into my bath tub. Maybe I'll put the stopper in it, just in case....

It's still very cold here but not as cold as it was. We're stilling at a balmy -15 right now (feels like -21 with the windchill) which is a notable improvement from the -39 that we had earlier this week. The part I'm not liking is the fact that there's a risk of freezing rain in the forecast for Tuesday. I wish that would go away. The cold weather has been really good for the Rideau Canal. The full length of it opens up tomorrow. Or maybe it was today. I don't remember. Either way, I won't be going on it. Ice and I do not get along.

I think I'm going to venture off to the bed and try to ignore the sounds of running water.

Good Night!

Sarah

Photo of the gardens inside the Bellagio Hotel in Vegas

Around The World

Day #2 of my training session was pretty good. I only got lost once but was able to figure it out and get back on track. Here's hoping I remember it all :)

We finished early so I had enough time to go back to the office. I kind of wish I didn't. LOL. I now have a rather long "to do" list as a result. Oh well. It will keep me out of trouble and make the day fly by.

The fact that it was once again minus fucking cold here had me thinking about summer and wishing I could go away somewhere. I'd love to go to Europe. I really, really would. But financially, that's not going to happen for some time yet. So I was thinking about travel in Canada. I'd really love to go back to BC. I want to spend some time in Victoria again (since I was there in the winter) and I want to go to Vancouver. On the flip side, I'm really interested in seeing Newfoundland. Only problem with NFLD is that I'd like to tour the province and see some of the smaller villages and such and I don't drive. So I need to find someone to go with me who does drive. In BC, I can take a ferry from Vic to Van so it's not an issue. Money is still the key factor in both places, but they'd be really awesome to visit. I haven't had a "real" vacation since 2007. Going home to visit is nice and all but it's not quite the same as going away somewhere new and getting to explore and experience a new place. Kind of like how I'd love to be in Turks and Caicos right now :)

I'm pretty darn sure that if I ever win it big on the lottery, I'd spend the first year travelling all over the world. Just seeing it and taking it all in. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our day to day routines, get buried in our work, consumed by out lives that we forget that there's a HUGE world out there and we're just living in one small piece of it. Sometimes thinking about it make me sad because I'm afraid that I'll never find the money or find a way to get out there and see it all. Other times I just sit and daydream about what it's going to be like when I get there. I make a pretend itinerary of all the fabulous things I want to see, taste, smell and experience. All the world history, art, food and beauty. And that makes me smile.

One day.....

Good Night.

Sarah

Viva Las Vegas!!!! That was an awesome trip!

Cookies And A Deep Freeze

I had a pretty good day at work. I was in a training session today (and it continues tomorrow) and the session is going really well. The guys running it are great and really laid back and the stuff we're learning is pretty interesting so it's keeping my attention. Hopefully I remember everything and can apply my knowledge soon.

As a result of training, I actually got to leave work at a normal time.I did a quick tour through Walmart ( I forgot half the stuff I wanted to buy, so it must not have been important ) and found a very nice top on the clearance rack for $7. So that was a nice discovery. After that, I headed home and made dinner.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been craving chocolate chip cookies. I don't really know why. Since there wasn't anything good on tv tonight, I decided to bake. My apartment smells wonderful and I have a nice pile of home made cookies in my kitchen. I think I'll take some to my training session tomorrow and share with my fellow classmates. And the instructors of course.

It's been a long time since I've felt like baking. I love doing it just haven't had the desire. I'm taking this as a positive sign. Engaging in activities that I enjoy is the sign of a happy person. The next step on the improvement list is getting out more. Interacting with other human beings more. That one is going to be a bit of a dozy, seeing as I do love my alone time. I suppose that's why the experts say that we need to step outside of our comfort zone. I've been very chatty with the others in my training session, so that's good too :)

Little positive steps every day. Oh! And I managed not to freeze today, despite the temp being -39C when I left this morning and then being -35C when I came home. Stupid weather. Ottawa was the coldest Capital City in the world today. Novosibirsk, the capital of  Siberia, was warmer than us!! Heck, even Iqaluit, the capital of Nunavut in Canada's North was warmer than Ottawa. If you threw a pitcher of boiling water into the air, snow would form. The tried it on the local news at 6pm and it worked. LOL. Insane. Tomorrow should be slightly warmer at -27. Lucky us.

I'm going to go and crawl into my warm bed and dream of spring now.

Good Night!

Sarah

I was more bundled up today than I was in this photo!

Mental Health

I went to an interesting seminar at work today. It was all about stress in the workplace and mental health. We were taught how identify warning signs of stress, how to avoid it, how to manage it and how recover from it. It was a very well done seminar and we got some great tips. The funny part was that over half of the "stress triggers" in a workplace pretty much sum up my office. LOL. Tell me something that I didn't already know.

Sitting there, listening to the instructor talk about mental health, giving stats about how many people experience mental health issues, how many people don't bother to seek help, the negative stigmas attached to it....it made me realize just how far I've come.

I remember the darkness, the crippling feels of worthlessness. Feeling that I couldn't function. I remember one very specific day in early 2009. I was still in Calgary. I sat on the floor in my living room and I just started to cry. And cried and cried and cried. I didn't think I was ever going to stop. I was beyond sad. I was beyond depressed. I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. I never, ever want to feel that way again.

And thus far, I never have. And I'm pretty certain that I never will again. Why? I've got the tools, the support  system and the wisdom to prevent it from ever getting that bad again. Bad months turned into bad weeks and bad weeks turned into bad days. And 1 bad day is easier to deal with than a whole week of bad days. The really nice part is that those bad days have been further and further apart too. My next goal is to stop worrying about when they'll come back. I'm working on it and am slowly getting better :)

I find more things to smile about everyday. I find more things to be thankful for everyday. I find more things to be happy about everyday. I like me more and more everyday. And that might be the most important thing of all.

Good Night!

Sarah

Hockey and Tofu

Man, I've missed hockey. I've been watching the Ottawa-Florida game on commercial breaks during my other shows. LOL. Ottawa is winning with 10 minutes left to go. Let's go Ottawa!!

Work was good today. Steady but not crazy, which was nice. It was nice to just keep moving from one task to the other and actually be able to finish something. I have a seminar tomorrow morning which sounds interesting. It's about mental health and stress in the workplace. I love that my employer holds seminars like this. I think it's very important.

I made a kick ass soup for dinner. It had tofu in it :) I marinaded some extra firm tofu in some toasted sesame oil, soya sauce and minced garlic and then I fried it up until it was a little crispy and tossed it on top of my soup. It was sooo good! I could have eaten to tofu as is. The soup was just mushrooms, cauliflower, broccoli, chicken broth, onion power, garlic and Udon noodles. Oh and and come chili pepper flakes. I've got some left for lunch tomorrow. I'm quite happy as to how my first attempt at using tofu turned out.

My lower back is quite sore tonight. Not sure what I did to it. Maybe I slid on some ice this morning and twisted and didn't notice. I dunno. I'll try walking around a bit more tomorrow and see if that helps. An ibuprofen gel cap before bed is a good plan too.

It's friggin' cold here. And we're in for it all week. It's weeks like this that makes me think that global warming just might be a myth. But then when I realize that 100 years ago, they had several weeks a winter that was this cold, I think that maybe it isn't such a myth.

6 minutes left in the hockey game (and I've been writing this blog for more than 4 minutes, got to love "sports time".) and I think it's time to head to bed. Maybe I'll leave the game on while I wash up and brush my teeth. Then I can just listen to the game.

Good Night!

Sarah

Ottawa scoring on NJ a couple years ago :)

Sunday, Lovely Sunday

It was a wonderful Sunday here today. I slept in and then had lots of energy when I woke up, which resulted in me getting my butt in gear and getting into the laundry room before everyone else. I got my 2 loads of laundry done and then made brunch.

I sat and watched some tv while having my brunch and then got off my butt and started the dishes. Watched 2 episodes of the Simpsons between rounds of dishes (they'd kind of piled up. Funny how that happens). Somewhere in the middle I tossed some frozen Ikea meatballs and a couple packs of sauce mix into the slowcooker and got it going. Once my kitchen was re-organized, I baked a loaf of banana bread, which turned out really well.

While the banana bread was baking, I cleaned up the living room (still need to sweep/swiffer) and finished emptying my carry on bag from my trip back at Christmas. Then it was time to tend to dinner. I stuck the potato Rosti in the oven and got the broccoli in a pot and set to boil. Sat and watched some more tv while everything was cook and surfed Pinterest for a bit.

It was crazy windy here today. This morning we kept getting snow squalls and then it would clear for a bit and then another squall would come through. Here's a video I shot late this morning:




My dinner was awesome and I have so many meatballs left! LOL. I'm taking some to work tomorrow for my co-worker Mandy and possibly a couple others. Free food tends to go fast in our office. A slice or two of banana bread might go along with it too. We'll see how I feel about sharing that.

After dinner I did up the dishes and then gave myself a facial and has a nice, long, hot soak in the tub. Sheer bliss. I made my lunch, watched The Simpsons and then played on Facebook until it was time to phone home at 9pm. Talked about food and work (my job) with my mom and hockey and work (his job) with my dad. LOL. Dad had to stop to update me on something major that had happened during the football game that he was currently watching. It made me smile. It reminds me of the Sundays I used to sit with him and watch football, or Saturday Night's watching hockey. I'm glad that hockey is back. Neither of our football teams made the playoffs so now I have something to be interested in again :)

I read another chapter in my book somewhere during the day too. It was just nice all around. Very relaxing and productive at the same time. My mind was quiet and I wasn't stressing about anything, which is a wonderful change of pace for me. Maybe something from yesterday stuck and my subconscious responded by relaxing and opted to keep quiet. I don't know. But whatever the reason, I appreciated the quiet today.

Here's hoping that today's stress-free, worry-free trend continues for the week. It's going to be damn cold all week and I need to focus on keeping warm :)

Good Night!

Sarah

My new Ikea pillow that I mentioned yesterday.

Pancakes, Psychics and Ikea

My day started with a text message waking me up at 8:45am. In all fairness, I wasn't 100% asleep, more like in that in between stage. It was Steph telling me that her husband's shift got changed and he was going in for the morning not that afternoon. Our plan had been to meet at 1pm and then go and see what kind of trouble we could get into. So this was a change in a plans. But then she asked the magic question "Do you want to do breakfast?". That got me out of bed and into the shower. LOL. I love breakfast foods and I knew that she meant we'd be going to Broadways for breakfast. They have the most amazing pancakes there and since I hadn't had them in a very long time, I was on board. The pancakes are Caramel Apple Cinnamon. So good. I couldn't even finish them so I have one and a bit in my fridge to have with breakfast tomorrow. Yay!

Our next adventure was to find the Psychic Fair. I've never been to one so this was a new adventure for me. Problem is that the coupon we had (2 for 1 admission) had 2 addresses on it: one in the east end and one in the west. We opted for the one in the west end since that's where we were. We quickly discovered that the address didn't actually exist. So we hopped the Queensway and headed East. Slowly. We got some snow overnight and into today. About 7cms of it. So traffic was backed up because everyone seemed to have forgotten how to drive in it. Fine by us. Slow and steady is the safe choice and we got to our destination in one piece.

Once inside the fair, we circulated and picked up pamphlets from all of the booths. For the most part, the exhibitors seemed quite normal. But there's always one who's a little "out there" and she latched onto us. I should point out that this happens to Steph and I a lot. For some reason, we seem to attract the crazies. I dunno. Anyhow, the next thing we know, she's showing us photos of her favourite cats in her scrap book and telling us about all the different things she's done etc.. We finally escape and take all of our pamphlets out into the hall and find a nice couch to sit on and review everything. While we're in the middle of it, the lady we'd just been cornered by comes out and heads to the elevator. She pushes the button and even though it opened almost right away, she saw us and decided to come and chat a bit more. After telling us something about having had new cards and a new sign made for her booth, but having misplaced the cards....she left us alone. Steph and I decided it was time to head back inside and get a reading done before the nut case came back.

I'm not 100% convinced that psychics and mediums etc... are real. But I've seen and heard enough to be open to the possibility that they are. So I picked one man to go and get a reading from. His name is Keith. He told me right up front what to expect and said that if within the first few minutes, if what he said about my past and present weren't accurate within reason, to stop him and he'd refocus and if that still didn't work, there'd be no charge. Sounds like a good deal to me. Thank god I was sitting down, before the first 10 words out of his mouth nearly knocked me on my ass. Within the first 30 seconds he had me nailed. Spot on. And this man knew nothing about me, not even my name. And I'm not talking about vague references that could be applied to me (and about half the population). I'm talking much more specific details. He was able to tell me things about myself that I've never shared with anyone, not even my closest friends. I was pretty open to hear what he said after that.

It was a 30+ minute reading that also utilized tarot cards (which are kind of cool on their own). I'm not going to go into much detail here about the reading, as I'm still trying to take it all in myself. He made a CD of the reading for me (most of the people there did) so I can listen to it again. He did give some general and very specific dates and timelines for things, so it will be interesting to see if the events happen as he suggested they  will. The reading did give me the 2 things I'd hoped they would: reassurance that I'm on the right path and am currently doing the right thing(s) for me and the second thing is some peace of mind.
What was slightly uncanny about the reading is that I had an astrology reading done back in the late summer. Several things that that guy said would occur in the next 18-24 months were the same things that Keith came up with today. That sure made me pay attention. Steph was able to get some answers too. They might not have all been what she wanted to hear, but one of them really made her happy and in my opinion, it was the most important one that she had, so that's a very good thing.

After that adventure, we headed for Ikea. I was looking for spice jars. I love the Ottawa Ikea. If you follow the arrows on the floor and walk to whole place (both floors), it's 1km in length. So we got some exercise today too. We also ran into one of our co-workers and her boyfriend. That was a fun surprise. I kept finding some very phallic looking vases and planters though. In fact, after handling one of them, I felt so dirty that I suggest to Steph that I should buy the vase dinner. LOL. We shouldn't be left alone in Ikea. I did get my spice jars as well as a new measuring cup and a beautiful new pillow for my living room. I also got some frozen meatballs and sauce mix. I'm going to cook them up tomorrow for dinner, using my slow cooker. That  should make for a nice and easy Sunday dinner.

It was a very nice Saturday and I've been left with some things to think about, but I'm very happy. And I got home in time to watch the last 9 minutes of the Ottawa - Winnipeg game, including getting to see Ottawa score their 4th goal. They won the game 4-1. Unfortunately Toronto won tonight too. I was really hoping Montreal would get the upper hand. Oh well.

I'm going to head off to bed now. I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow AND getting to have another awesome pancake. LOL.

Good Night!

Sarah

The photo has nothing to do with today other than the fact that the chair and stool are from Ikea :)

Cupcakes

I currently have a rather wicked craving for cupcakes. Not just any cupcakes, but ones from a very aptly named store: Crave Cupcakes. The first problem in obtaining said cupcakes is that it's 10:41pm. The store is closed. The next problem is that the store is located in Calgary, AB and I'm located in Ottawa, ON. And Cameron refuses to ship me any. This is also a problem. Cam and Xtina both know how good they are. But I'm also convinced you have to be a female with our unique combo of hormones to fully appreciate these cupcakes.

These cupcakes are seriously so good that I once flew home with a 6 pack of them in my carry on. I think they might put drugs in them or something. They're really just that damn good. Try as I might, I haven't found anyplace in Ottawa that is as good as Crave. Just ask Stephanee. We spent one summer trying to hunt down the best cupcake place in Ottawa. I've found one place that close, the Cupcake Lounge in the market, but it's still not as good as Crave. My favourite one is called The Princess Chocolate. It's a chocolate cupcake with strawberry infused butter cream frosting and clear sprinkles. Amazing. I'll admit it. I'm kind of drooling right now. LOL.

Work was good and went by quickly. I tried to send my boss to Brazil for a month, which she was totally on board with, but we figured that there was a downside in there somewhere. We had a pizza lunch and everyone was fighting off the urge to have an after lunch nap. We should have known better. Oh well!

I'm off for an afternoon of debauchery with Steph tomorrow. It's going to involve psychics and Ikea so this should be good :)

I need to rest up for our adventure so I'm off to bed.

Good Night and try not to think about cupcakes :)

Sarah

These are cupcakes I made for the office last year.

The Search For Happiness

Despite the fact that I've been trying to focus on my book for the last hour and a bit, my brain has been running along in the background, ponder something I heard earlier this evening. I was listening to a radio interview and the guy being interviewed basically said that he needed to do what was necessary to find his happiness. This really stuck with me and has had me thinking about my happiness too and what I'm willing to do to get it.

Looking back on my life, I realized that in high school I spent a lot of time doing things to either make other people happy or keep other people happy. Some days I wish I could steal Doc Brown's time machine and travel back to high school and talk some sense into my self. But I guess you can't live and learn if you don't make the mistakes in the first place.

In my second year of college, I finally admitted to myself that I had a serious problem and sought help. That was the first time I really took any great strides towards trying to be happy. In that case, I ended up taking anti-depressants. Which worked. I had a great doctor who took the time to ensure that we found the right medication and ensured that I got better.

The next quest for happiness saw me moving 4000kms away to Calgary. That kind of worked. It worked for the first 6 months. The next 3.5 years were kind of on the rough side. I should have sought help but didn't. I was an idiot for not doing that but again, live and learn. So when the opportunity presented itself to move back, I jumped at it and I'm very happy that I did so, even if it meant saying good bye to one of my very best friends. I really do miss watching the Sens games and eating cheap wings with you in Mug's Pub Cam!!

Even though I was back in Ottawa, the job scene didn't have me overly happy. After a year and a half at the place, I was laid off. And I have to admit, I've never been happier in my life to be laid off. It was a huge relief. All the stress was gone. And I was very happy about that.

It's been more than 2 years now and I'm pretty happy. I have a job that I love (which might be ending in 2 short months but I'll cross that bridge when we come to it) and having learnt from my past mistakes, I doubled up my vitamin D dosage per day and what a HUGE difference that has made. Amazing.

Everything is slowly falling into place. I don't feel guilty about doing things that make me happy anymore or better yet, I don't feel as guilty for saying "no" to things that I know won't make me happy. Like why I haven't had sex in a very long time. While sex does make me happy (seriously, if it doesn't you're doing something very, very wrong), casual sex doesn't make me happy. It might temporarily but not the next morning. I keep being asked why a "young, liberated, independent woman" like me isn't out living it up. It's simple. It's because this young, liberated, independent woman happens to have some rather old fashioned morals (I blame my parents) and as much as I want to be seen as cool or popular or whatever the hell makes you part of the in crowd these days, if I means doing things that don't make me happy, count me out. Call it selfish if you will, but if it doesn't make me happy, I'm not interested.

My trip to the grocery store this evening saw me make a rather silly "happy" decision too. I was hungry. Which is a horrible thing when you're in a store surrounded by food. The beautifully glazed doughnuts and delicious looking cheese sticks were calling my name. Eating them would have made me happy, for about 10 minutes. Then the guilt would have set in. Again, learn from your mistakes. I've been an emotional eater for years and I know better. Food can be just like a drug. So I said no and kept walking. Instead, I decided to have chicken fajitas for dinner and bought the ingredients for that. I skipped the chip aisle all together (not trusting the earlier will power) and opted to get some roasted soy nuts for a snack instead. The fajitas I made were pretty kick ass too. I had an avocado in the fridge so I made some fresh guacamole to go on them and sauteed up some mushrooms and they were amazing. So much more delicious and filling than a stupid doughnut would have been, that's for sure. And that one, seemingly insignificant decision made me very happy this evening.

Whether it's a big decision, like deciding to take a chance on a new job and a new city or a small one like making a smarter food choice in the grocery store, making the decision to be happy is the best one of all.
It isn't easy for me, especially in the winter, but I know what to do to cope, to get through it and get back to being happy. I know the triggers for emotional eating and am finding new ways to deal with that all the time - like drinking tea instead. The only down side to that seems to be getting up to pee at 2am. LOL.

And right now, wrapping up this blog and crawling into my nice, warm, comfortable bed is going to make me very happy :)

Good Night!

Sarah

One of my most favourite "Happy" places

Birthday Hockey

It was back to my normal job for me today and the transition was pretty good. Not too much craziness, which was very nice indeed.

The weather was pretty good and I got to escape for a bit and enjoy a little bit of the sunshine. I had some pretty decent sushi for lunch too :)

And I got to give Stephanee her birthday present. I think I'm just as excited about it as she is. We're both hockey fans. I'm a Sens fan and she's a Canadians fan (which is far better than liking Toronto so we're good). Thanks to Ottawa for dropping their ticket prices,  I was able to afford 2 tickets to the Ottawa vs. Montreal game at the end of the month, so I gave Steph one of the tickets for her birthday. It will be girl's night out at Scotiabank Place. WOOHOO! I can't wait.

I really  have missed hockey. Yes, I'm pissed at the owners and the players for being such dicks and being locked out for so long, but I'm very happy to have hockey back. The Sens are making an effort to win fans back, which shows that they respect us. When they were locked out, our team captain stayed in Ottawa and helped to coach his son's team (yes, he had to take the mandatory coaching course!). I give him props for that. Several of our players stuck around and helped out in the community, which was great. So now hockey is back and I'm going to go out and support my team and show them that I appreciate the fact that they're back. Now let's drop the puck and get on with it!

I think I'll wear my new jersey to work on Friday...

Good Night!

Sarah

It goes so well with my PJ pants. LOL.

Dinner Out and a Return to Chaos

Well holy shit. You decide to take one night off blogging and you'd think I killed a puppy or something. Everyone's a critic.

It was a good day at work. It was my last day covering for Finance too. I'm back to my regular job tomorrow and the chaos that goes with it. I've really enjoyed the last week and a bit. It was rather stress free and a nice way to ease back into work after being off for almost 2 weeks.

With the help of Xtina, I also pulled off a great bday gift for Stephanee today. I can't say what I bought her just yet, in case she reads this tonight. It's her birthday tomorrow. She'll find out soon enough :)

I had a very lovely dinner tonight. I met up with one of my best friends and we headed out for an "adult dinner". No, we didn't go to the strippers. It meant that we went to Milestones, without her 8 month old son. This was her first time spending any real amount of time away from him. And her husband's first time being home alone with the baby for any real chunk of time. I've heard some horror stories from friends and co-workers before about people not being able to leave their babies for more than 5 minutes and one woman who didn't leave her kid alone at all until after it's first bday. I can't imagine doing that. Thank god my friend was much more relaxed than that, but I knew that she would be :) It was a bit of a short visit for us but it was great none the less. We got to catch up and I loved hearing about how amazing her son is and how he's growing. It's amazing watching her eyes and face light up when she talks about him. Her and her husband are amazing people and they're awesome parents too. But there wasn't ever any doubt that they would be.

Seeing as I'm returning to the chaos that is my office tomorrow, I should log off and get to bed. I'm going to need to be firing on all cylinders tomorrow. Plus it's Steph's birthday and I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees her gift. Tee Hee Hee. I might need to find a cake too.....

Good Night!

Sarah

It's not my bday yet but I needed a cake photo.

Out With The Old...

Not too much to report on today. I spent the day cleaning and listening to my iPod via a very cool speaker thingy that my mom bought me after Christmas. Which meant my mind got to rest as I really wasn't thinking about much.

I got the kitchen cleaned and started to throw out a bunch of crap I really don't need/use. I donated a few things to my fellow residents. We have this ledge under the stairs where people put items that are still good but that they no longer want and other people take it. It's kind of a cool system.

I made some major progress on the re-organization of my apartment. And that feels good. Better than I thought it would. There have been several studies that show when you de-clutter your space, your stress levels drop. I think they might be right. On the up sides, if I get rid of a bunch of stuff, I get to buy new stuff to replace it. LOL. Like my towels yesterday :)

I really wish that the awards shows would get the big ones out of the way at the begging. Or end earlier. I always end up going to bed before the big awards are announced. I did stay up late enough to see Jodi Fosters wonder acceptance speech though. She's a stand up gal. But alas, I shall miss the rest. I'm sure the news will bring me up to speed in the morning.

Good Night!

Sarah

These are the old towels but this shows how small my bathroom is!

Invasion Of The Singles and Sherlock Holmes

I just finished reading an article that a friend of mine posted on Facebook. It was all about people who live alone and the change that has had on society. For the first time ever, the number of people living alone has surpassed the number of people living as a family. People living as a couple (so just 2 people), is the highest, with people living alone coming in behind it.

Seeing as I live solo, I'm happy to read that I'm in good company. It used to be that the only people who lived alone were the divorced, widows, spinster and eternal bachelors. Thankfully, the idea of "spinsters" seems to have died away in our society. The societal pressures to get married and start a family seem to be easing but if you look at my office, that's not true. The idea of getting hitched and popping out a kid seems to be alive and well.

Thankfully, I don't get much pressure from my family to find a mate and settle down. It's usually just my grandparents who comment on the fact that I've been single and on my own for what seems like forever. But my parents never say anything. Which means they either don't care or they simply know better. My money's on the latter. They know I'm independent and more than capable of taking care of myself, but I'm sure they'd feel a little better knowing that there was someone else to help me do that. How do I know that? Because some days that's exactly how I feel.

Would I like to have someone else to help with the chores? Yes. Would I like to know that there was a 2nd income to fall back on if I don't get a contract renewal? Hell yes. Would I like to have someone here with me for moral support and a shoulder to cry on when the world gets just a little too overwhelming? Definitely. But for the time being, none of those things are in the cards so I've got to play the best I can with the hand I've got at the moment.

I have to admit that I do enjoy living alone. It has it's perks. Yes, statistically it is more expensive to live alone than it does if you're living as a couple but that's just another hurdle to work around. But it is to know that my chosen lifestyle is now en route to becoming the norm. Perhaps I'm a bit of a pioneer. LOL. At any rate, I'm sure these new trends will give the sociologists something to study for a bit.

Changing topics, I watched another 2 episodes of the BBC series "Sherlock" tonight. It's a very good show. The 2nd episode this evening was one of my favourite Sherlock Holmes stories: The Hound of the Baskervilles". It's a great one and one the scary side too. This show gave it a pretty wicked modern spin which turned out quite well. Perhaps I should hunt down the book and give it a read. I think I may have read it before but it was some time ago.

I probably should get to bed as it is now past midnight. I was up past midnight last night too as I was talking to my buddy Cam. We talked for 2 hours and I swear it felt like 10 minutes. I miss talking to him. For three and a half years I talked to him on pretty much a daily basis.He and his wife were running amuck in the West Edmonton Mall today. I hope they had a blast!  I guess that's a mark of a good friendship...when you haven't talked to each other in a very long time but when you do, you pick up right where you left off and it seems like it's only been days since you last spoke. I'm truly blessed to have several friends like that in my life.

Good Night!

Sarah

Calgary Stampeded 2008. We're pretending to be horses.

Freezing Rain and Cheese

It was a busy day at the office, which made the day fly by! I like when I'm busy but not crazy.

We did get some of the freezing rain that was forecast. In fact, we're still under the freezing rain warning. The temp just doesn't seem to want to warm up enough. I guess the warm front has stalled a bit. The commute home wasn't bad. The sidewalks downtown were good. I didn't run into any slippery bits until I hit the front walk of my building. No real surprise there. I grabbed the salt bucket from the lobby and salted it for whoever came along next.

Hopefully all the freezing rain leaves soon. We're in for rain tomorrow and a temp of +8. I can handle that :) I still need to focus on getting my apartment re-organized. Walmart has some nice home items on sale this week so I might buy a few new things for my place. Maybe. Or maybe I'll get my nails done. LOL. I haven't done that in a very long time. I feel like doing a little pampering. God knows I'm way over due for a hair cut!

Between the teachers and the natives, it seems like no one is happy these days. I'm getting a little tired of turning on the news to see stories about who's mad at whom today. And both groups seem to be doing a wonderful job of pissing off the people who's support they're trying to get. I just hope both issues can get resolved soon. It would be nice if everyone would stop and remember what they do have rather than focusing on what they don't.

On a completely un-related topic, I'm in love with the garlic and herb variety of Boursin cheese. That stuff is amazing. I could eat it every day. That's not a good thing. LOL. Oh well. I suppose it's better than french fries or potato chips.

That's enough rambling for one night I think. My book is getting very interesting so I'm going to log off and read for a bit before bed. I'm really looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.

Good Night!

Sarah

Stupid Weather

Wow. Almost forgot to blog again. I must not be in a writing mood as of late.

Nothing thrilling to report on today. It was a pretty standard day. I got some groceries after work and made butter chicken for dinner. That also happens to be what I'm having for lunch tomorrow.

I'm really hoping that the weather forecast for tomorrow changes. As it stands right now, we're in for freezing rain in the afternoon. Lucky us. Seriously, what the hell gives with the damn freezing rain?? Rain or Snow. Pick one and stick with it. And I don't even have a prince charming I can call to come and rescue me so I'm stuck slip-sliding my way home from work. "Due to the deeper cold air in the Ottawa Valley, the freezing rain will most likely persist into the early evening hours." Dammit. That will make for a fun commute home. Stupid weather. It's also supposed to be +9 on Saturday. Go figure. Everything melts during the day and then freezes overnight so all the sidewalks become ice rinks again. I just can't win. I need to win the lottery so I can spend my winters somewhere warm, where there isn't any ice.

Sigh.

I'm going to bed.

Good Night!

Sarah

Karma and Happy Endings

So I get on the bus this morning. It's on the full side, as per usual and I end up standing next to the rear door. There is a lady sitting on the outside of the last 2-seater before the door. The seat next to her is empty. It pisses me off to no extent when people do this. It's a crowded bus, move your ass over lady! I don't mind standing in the mornings as I know I'll be sitting a lot when I get to work. Anyhow, said lady shoots me a kind of dirty look over her shoulder. I'm like WTF? I may have accidentally brushed her arm when I first got on the bus and we were all re-arranging ourselves for positions, but I don't think I did.

At the next stop, a man gets on and asks her for the window seat. She gets up and lets him in and then sits back down and shoots me another dirty look. Seriously? I'm just standing there, out of the way. As we're chugging along going down the Parkway, I'm looking out the door of the bus, watching the scenery go by when I get a funny feeling and I look over just in time to see her giving me a 3rd dirty look. Now I'm really getting annoyed. I haven't bumped her. I don't have my iPod on so it can't be that my music is too loud (besides she had earphones in) and I wasn't coughing my head off. I ignore her.

A few stops later the man next to her gets off. She doesn't move over, just sits back down in the aisle seat even though the bus is much more crowded now than when I got on. At the next stop after than, a young girl get her to move and sits down. Again the woman gave me a dirty look. Hey lady, it's not my fault people keep getting you to stand up so they can get in and sit down.

We finally get downtown and this is where Karma pays a visit. We're at the stop before mine. We've been there for about a minute. Everyone who was queued up to get off the bus has done so. The driver has closed the door and the exit light has just gone off when bitchy lady looks up, gasps and then bolts from her seat and runs to the door....just as the bus is pulling away from the stop. HA! Serves you right. However, she then proceeds to put her backpack on while standing at the door, and hits both women on either side of her in the process. What a douche bag.

On a happier note, Steph and I went to see Breaking Dawn, part 2 tonight. It's the final film in the Twilight series. It was actually a really good movie. And despite the fact that the ending isn't quite the same as it is in the book, I really, really like it. It's one of the best in the series for sure. I still like I liked the 3rd one better but this one came really close to being #1 for me. And other than 2 girls who kept running up and down the aisles until some guy told them off and the loud mouth dude behind us, the audience was really good too. We also only paid $3 each to see the movie :)

I should wrap this up and head to bed. The wind has picked up here so my apartment is nice and cool and I'm looking forward to burrowing into my soft sheets. The simple pleasures in life.

Good Night!

Sarah

Twilight - get it? LOL!

Gracious People

I was a much warmer day today so I was able to wear one of my new dresses to work. I'm not crazy enough to freeze my ass off, waiting for the bus in tights when it's -25 with the windchill. Doing it at -1 is much more reasonable.

More people managed to hunt me down today but that's ok. It was all easy to deal with stuff. Our office is very, very full. While walking the floor today, there was people everywhere. And we're missing a bunch of people too. Everyone's sick. It's crazy. I think we're going to have to start building bunk-bed style desks soon :)

I made another awesome dinner tonight. I made pork chops in mushroom sauce with sauteed brussel sprouts and cumin basmati rice. It was really good. I made the mushroom sauce from scratch with fresh mushrooms. I think it was the best part of the meal. There was some onions and garlic in there too. I've been doing a very good job of cooking from scratch lately. I'm quite enjoying it. I don't know what I'm making tomorrow night yet but I don't think I'm going to be home for dinner. I'm supposed to go to the movies after work. I'm finally going to see Breaking Dawn Part 2. It's at the cheap theatre so paying $3 to see it is a pretty good deal.

Sometimes people surprise me. I got one of those surprises this afternoon. One of my favourite musicians is going through a hard time in his professional career, yet he continues to be so incredibly position and gracious. And he's a younger guy too. So many rock and roll musicians are all about partying, sex and drugs. But not this one. He's definitely not your stereotypical rocker. Might be part of why I like him so much. I'm also a fan of his killer guitar skills. But yeah, he's being so professional and so patient, it's incredible to watch.He seems mature beyond his years. I'd like to think that he's like that in real like too and not just putting on a public show, but it's great to know that people like him still exist.

I hear my book calling me so it's off to bed I go. And yes mom, I did do you my dishes. LOL!

Good Night!

Sarah

Kindness

It was a surprisingly good day at work today. I was a little on the sleepy side since I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep, but other than that, it was good. I got to hide out in Finance and got a lot of work done. It was a very stress free day, which felt amazing. I'm really digging the whole new less stress approach to things.

Lunch was great too. A lot of old faces are back and it was wonderful getting to catch up with them again.

I made some really good tacos for dinner tonight too. I'm trying to eat healthier and add in more "good for you" foods. So I added avocado to the tacos. I just mashed one up with some minced garlic, onion power and a little salt. It was really good. I used it as a topping on the tacos. I've turned the leftovers into a salad for lunch tomorrow.

I'm also quite proud of myself as I did up the dishes tonight. I'm notorious for leaving them until a bunch have piled up and then doing them all at once. It's times like these that I miss having a dishwasher. Anyhow, I'm trying to do the dishes every night after dinner. I make my bed every morning so why no do the dishes every night? LOL. Baby steps to getting to be a more organized.

When I was in the grocery store this evening, a man in a motorized wheelchair was having a hard time getting a plastic bag off the roll. Another man had been over beside him but was ignoring him. I drifted over and the guy asked me for help, seeing as he was trying to do it with only 1 hand,  which I gladly did. I got him a bag, helped him pick out 4 very nice apples and then tied the bag for him so the apples wouldn't roll away. My good deed was rewarded two aisles over where I was trying to get a jar of jam off the top shelf. A store employee came by and he dug around on the top shelf until he found a jar of strawberry jam for me :) We all can do with a little more kindness in our lives.

 Good Night!

Sarah

Blog 2 Of The Day

Seeing as this is my 2nd blog of the day, it's not going to be a very long one. Not all that much has happened in the last 12 hours to warrant writing about.

It's been snowing on and off all day. Just what we needed. More snow. We were supposed to get up to 4cms today and now we're supposed to get another 2 overnight. That's just swell. On the upside, there's no snow in the forecast for tomorrow. In fact, we should see the sun and that's awesome.

I had a very quiet day today. I got some cleaning and re-organizing done. Not nearly as much as I wanted to but for having slept for almost 9 hours last night, I was on the tired side today and just couldn't find the energy to keep cleaning. So I watched some tv, checked FB, surfed Pinterest, killed some Zombies and went back to doing dishes. LOL. I've discovered a new show on Netflix. It's the BBC's show "Sherlock" which is set in modern day London. The guy playing Sherlock is very easy on the eyes and the shows have pretty decent story lines. The issue is that each episode is an hour and a half long. So watching them takes up a large chunk of time.

My computer keeps acting up and is pitching a small fit so I think it's time to end this and see if I can trouble shoot the issue without having to resort to calling one of my buddies for help.

Good Night!

Sarah

Ooopsie!

It would appear that I'm getting a little forgetful as of late. As in I've forgotten to blog for two nights in a row now. I think I might have been tired.

I remember there I didn't blog Friday sometime Saturday while I was walking to the grocery store. I realized that I didn't blog last night while brushing my theeth before bed. At that point I'd already shut down my computer and turned the lights off and really didn't have the energy to fire everything up again so I said screw it. And here I am now.

My first day back at work on Friday was actually a really good day. People were genuinely happy to see me and Xtina, the new HR Casual had managed to get almost everything sorted out and organized so I was able to focus on the things that I had to do. So all in all, it was a pretty stress free day. Next week shouldn't be too bad either. I'm filling in for one of the finance ladies for the week, so one of our staff is filling in for me. I'll be on the same floor as everyone, just a different section. I might be able to hide from the chaos, which is fine by me!

Yesterday was an awesome day. The sun was out and it made everything look so crisp and beautiful. I opted to walk to Farm Boy (a local grocery store chain that prides itself on carrying fresh, local supplies) which is several blocks away instead of going across the street to Metro. It turned out to be a very nice walk in the sun and I got some very yummy things. After lunch, I ventured downtown to the Market. I hit up the Italian store and got some amazing sauce (wood oven roasted garlic tomato sauce) and a Canoli. I've never had one before. They're incredible. I don't know how I've never had one. So good. I then went to the butcher shop and got nitrate free sausages which went into the pasta I made last night, some double smoked bacon which I'm going to try this morning and a piece of marinated pork tenderloin which I'm having for dinner. After that, I went to LUSH and got some more of my favourite lip balm, one of their sugar scrubs and a bath melt (it smells so yummy and makes your bath water a pretty shade of pink). I couldn't get over how many people were at the BeaverTail stand when I walked by. As popular as ever, which is a good sign.

My last bit of shopping was buying a new pair of slippers on my way to back through the mall, en route to the bus.

After shopping, I met up with my buddy Xtinktor for coffee. Starbucks was too crowded so we got our drinks and headed to the mall to sit. We had a nice chat and visit, talking about our holidays and families and of course, talking about music. That's probably the one thing that we talk about most. It was nice to visit and the caffeine kick was very welcome.

Finally I made it home and started dinner. It was very, very good. I love the sauce I bought. I'm going to have to go back and get more. LOL. I think it's one of those things that everyone should have several jars of on hand, just in case.

I should get moving and get some tea or coffee into me. I bought a bunch of loose K-Cups when I was at home so I could try some new flavours. It's fun testing them out. I need to make breakfast and get on with my day too. I do love quiet Sundays. I'm going to attempt to clean and re-organize the kitchen today. Wish me luck!

Have a good day!

Sarah

We got lots of snow!

Home - The Other One

I am back in Ottawa. My 2nd home. Cambridge will always be my first home, since that's where I was born and raised and where my parents live, but Ottawa is where I currently live and is a city that I quite love. So I am home, again.

My train ride was good. I got good news while on train #1 - it was becoming train #2 when we got to Toronto. Awesome. It used to do that and then Via changed their schedules and I used to have to lug my bags down into Union Station and get into line to come back upstairs an hour and a half later onto the Ottawa train. But seeing as my train #84 was morphing into train #44 in Toronto, this was good news. Even better news was that I was already on the right car and only had to move up two rows and across the aisle. My train from Kitchener has "free for all" seating as in "find whatever seat is empty and take it" while the train from Toronto has "assigned seating", just like airplanes. Despite the fact that I could remain on the train, I opted to get off in Toronto and stretch my legs and walk through Union Station. It's nice being able to do that and not have a huge amount of luggage with you. So I left my bags on the train and into the station I went.

This is where I got good news #2 of the day: the bathrooms on the departure level were re-opened! Union Station is under-going a major renovation project. As a result, the bathrooms on the departure level have been closed for over a year. This meant that you used to have to walk up the ramp, past the ticket windows, down a long hallway and into the "great hall" to find the can. Very annoying. But not anymore! The new bathroom is quite nice but the soap was a little tricky to figure out. A nice old lady told me how to work it. Go figure.

We left Toronto on time but kept running into "train traffic" and had to slow down. By our first stop in Kingston, we were 10 minutes late. The freight trains were causing congestion on the tracks. One rather long freight train that was on the track beside us in Kingston was actually blocking a crossing and appeared to had been like that for some time, judging by the huge line of cars at the crossing and watching them try to turn around. We ran into a switch issue just before Smiths Falls and were stopped for some time. The train ended up getting into Ottawa 50 minutes late. Not too bad.

And OH MY GOD! There's all kinds of snow here. It's crazy. I'll have to take a picture of the snow in front of my apartment building. It's crazy.

My plants were very happy to see me and appreciated the water I promptly gave them. I made a curry pasta and shrimp soup for dinner and had a nice, long soak in a hot bubble bath tonight. That's one nice thing about being back in Ottawa: I have my own bathroom :)

Mom made it home past the round-a-bout. She followed a large truck though it figuring that everyone would stop for it. I agree, that sounds like a solid plan. Mom and dad enjoyed some more of the banana bread tonight too, as did I. I managed to get out of the house with a couple of slices. Dad's on his own if he wants more though. I miss them already. Watching tv isn't the same without having one of them in the room laughing along with it. And as hard as it is for me to admit, I miss watching Duck Dynasty. My parents got me hooked on those red necks!

Anyhow, it's time for bed. It's been a long day and I have to get my ass out of bed for work tomorrow. I think I can survive one day of work this week. Atleast I hope I can. I know it's a bit of a gong show there right now but I'm not going to let it stress me out. Just before I got on the train this morning, my mom gave me some great advice. She told me "Just breathe". And that's exactly what I plan on doing.

Good Night! (or Good Morning depending on when you read this)

Sarah

My wonderful parents :)

Time To Go Back To Reality

Sadly, today was my last full day at home. Tomorrow is my last day of holidays and I'm spending pretty much all of it on a train. My train leaves here at 9:15am and I get into Ottawa somewhere around 4:30pm. This is always the worst part of visiting. Knowing that I once again have to say goodbye to those I love, not entirely sure when I'm going to be home again. Before my dad headed to bed tonight, I gave him an extra long hug since he'll be up and off to work before I get up tomorrow. Mom's driving me to the train station so I get to say my good bye to her there. I guess they aren't really good byes as much as they're "See you later".

Despite the fact that both Mom and I sounded like we were trying to cough up lungs today, we got up and headed out for a bit. The cute little gift shop she wanted me to see was closed, so that was a bit of a bummer but we managed to keep occupied none the less and picked up some things for our colds and to make for dinner.

This afternoon we made banana bread. Last week my dad came home with a large bunch of ripe bananas from Giant Tiger. He was all excited because he only paid 97 cents or something crazy like that for them. Not per pound, just in total. I asked him if he planned on making banana bread and he said no. Then the stomach virus hit. The bananas did not get eaten. So last evening he looked at me and said "Are you going to make banana bread tomorrow?". LOL. I laughed and said sure. Mom and I pulled out some cook books and I hopped on Pinterest and we came up with 2 recipes to try. A Banana Cinnamon Swirl and a Banana Sour Cream one that we added raisins too and topped with chopped walnuts. Both turned out really well and the house smelt amazing all day. Dad gave them both his seal of approval. Which is awesome, considering I forgot the eggs in the 2nd one. Oops. Meh. It all worked out. The last time I was home I made a cobbler and my dad called me up and asked me to come back home so that I could make him some more cobbler. I'm leaving him some banana bread so that should hold him for a bit.

I got all packed this afternoon so I don't have to run around like a crazy woman tomorrow morning. Getting to the train station is an ordeal on its own. My mom doesn't like taking highways or major roads, so we go the back way to the train station. It takes longer but it works. The new problem is that they installed a round-a-bout earlier this year, which my mom now has to navigate. She hates them. She really, really hates them. I just close my eyes and pray when we go through them and once I'm on the train, I keep checking my email on my phone until Mom emails me and I know that she's made it back through and is home safe and sound. Then I relax.

This visit home has been a pretty subdued and quiet one, mostly due to the damn stomach flu knocking us all out for a week. But it's also been very stress free and relaxing, which is what I need. I know I'm going back to a crazy place, but I refuse to get stressed out about it. I may just switch my phone off tomorrow and forget all about work for the day. I should have done that today.

As much as I'm looking forward to getting back to Ottawa and my own bed, I'm going to miss home and my parents very much. I really miss just being around them. Both my mom and dad have said that they feel bad that we didn't get to go and do things but that doesn't matter to me. I don't really mind. I love just being in their company. Just being around them. Talking to them. Laughing with them (or at them as the situation may be). Just knowing that someone else is there, even if we're not in the same room or on the same floor. I enjoy  helping my mom out with the dishes and hiding utensils on her (my Gram used to do that to her too!) or making lunch/cooking dinner for my parents. It seems like mundane, silly things but I don't get to do those things very often, so I appreciate it and enjoy it when I get to do it. Even if they laugh at fart jokes and even though I'm somewhat convinced they're both going senile or they're insane, they're my family and I love them.   My parents are two of the best people you'll ever meet, and they're mine. I'm so lucky and so blessed to have them in my life and I will treasure every second I get to spend with them.

It's time to log off and get to bed. It's going to be an early start to the day tomorrow. We like to give ourselves lots of time to get to the train station, especially if it's snowing in the morning.

Good Night!

Sarah

Mom and Dad back in August

Happy New Year: Resolutions for 2013

So I didn't blog last night, mainly because it was New Year's Eve and by the time we'd finished watching the movies, I was way too tired to blog. I thought about blogging this morning but couldn't really get motivated. That and I had too much of an audience. And trust me, my mom has been pouting all day because she didn't have anything to read. I'm pretty sure my brother was too hungover to notice the lack of blog so I'm good on that front.

Looking back, 2012 was a pretty good year. It got off to a kind of sucky start in the fact that I ended up spending New Year's Eve home alone (plans got cancelled on me). But it actually wasn't that bad. I still had fun. 2012 ended in a kind of sucky fashion too seeing as I had a stomach virus at Christmas and just as I started to feel better, I came down with a sinus cold. I'm blaming the cigarette smoke at my parents' place for that. But everything in between was pretty good. I managed to find my way more often than I have in years. I was home for my mom's 65th bday, my niece's Christening and summer holidays. Getting to see family more often was a definite plus. I got a 1 year contract in 2012 (which I'm really hoping to at least repeat that this year) and am doing a job that I actually enjoy doing. I went to Montreal for a weekend all by myself and in doing so proved to myself that sitting around and just hoping for something to happen never works and that I'm a lot braver than I give myself credit for.

I also started blogging in 2012. It's been almost 6 months since I started. Some days I can't believe that I've been able to keep it up this long. Other days I wonder how I ever got by without blogging.

2013 got off to a slightly interesting start with involved watching my parents snake out the sewer clean-out this morning. My mother owns an 18 foot long, professional, sewer snake, designed to go into a sewer clean out and remove any blockages. Seriously? Who else's mom has that (who isn't married to a plumber!)?? Apparently our toilet didn't like the toilet paper currently being used. It wasn't breaking down fast enough I guess. Fun times. I assisted by bringing more newspaper and paper towels. That's a fantastic way to start off the new year. After that was all cleaned up and I got to have my shower, we hit the road and once again visited my favourite 100 year old, Mr. B. I helped him by throwing out some dead plants that were in his house. I'm pretty sure they died of heat stroke. When I picked the one up, he actually asked me to water it. I told him I was pretty sure it was beyond hope. So now he gets to buy new ones. LOL.

This evening, my parents and I went to dinner with my great Aunt and Uncle and my Grandparents. It was really nice. The restaurant wasn't very crowded so we could talk and actually be heard at the other end of the table. After dinner I said my good byes since I'm heading back to Ottawa on Thursday. The tail end of my visits are always a little sad since I have to say goodbye to everyone and 90% of the time, I don't know when I'll see them again.

Since 2013 is here, it's time for some resolutions. I stopped making them several years ago because I never kept them so why bother? But I started making them again a couple of years ago. I just started to get smarter about them and make them less specific. So here are my resolutions for 2013:

1. Be Happy. Seems simple enough right? Not quite. I do have depression issues, which are mostly seasonal in nature but even when I'm happy, I don't let myself actually "be" happy. I start to worry that something bad is going to come along and change everything. Or that my depression will come back at full force. I have to stop that. When I'm happy, I need to embrace it and enjoy it. Not ruin it with "what ifs".

2. Stress less, Worry less, Laugh more. I'm a worrier. I worry, a lot and often. I worry about big things and little things. This leads to stress. I'm almost 600kms away from my office right now, yet I'm already stressing about what's waiting for me when I get back and what work has to be done and in such a short time frame too. ENOUGH! I've had to tell myself several times over the last few days to knock it off and stop worrying about work. I'm only one person. No one else really seems to notice is some of the smaller things don't get done. So long as my boss is happy with my work and I'm happy with my work, then we're good. I have to stop letting it bug me. I need to find more things that I love doing, that make me laugh and smile and focus on those. Leave the worries behind and re-focus my energy.

3. Have faith. This one isn't as religious as you'd think. It's more along the lines of me needing to have faith in myself, in others as well as in God and the Universe. I need to have faith in myself that I will be able to figure everything own in my own sweet time. I need to have faith in others and believe that they won't let me down, won't abandon me if I ask for help or reveal that I don't have it as much together as I lead most people to believe. And I need to have more faith in the fact that God/the Universe isn't going to drop me on my ass. I might be tested, but they won't let me fail. I'm a good person and deserve to be happy.

4. Stop being afraid. Fear is stupid reason for not doing something. And I have to stop letting it be my excuse for not doing things that I want to do. Like Montreal. I got over my fear and had an awesome time. I need to do more of that.

5. Stop being complacent. If I want things to change, I can't just wish the change to happen. I need to get off my ass and make it happen. I have to be the change that I want to be. I have a crappy little apartment. I complain about it all the time. Fine. I need to either move or make changes to make the sucker less crappy. I need to stop accepting mediocre. I don't have a fairy godmother so I need to take whatever steps are necessary to take my dreams and make them real. My 2013 horoscope said " If you can dream it, you can have it. Don't settle for less". Sounds like damn good advice to me.

So that's the list. 5 resolutions for 2013. This year will be a happy and healthy one. And I hope it's full of good luck, good laughter and great people too. And lots and lots of love.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Sarah