There was no walk for me today as I was just too damned tired. I opted for a hot shower instead. I feel a little better. I can hear my bed calling to me too. LOL. Anyhow, when I finally got home from work, I was on Facebook, checking in with my world. I noticed a thread in one of the groups I'm a member of. It was from a male user who'd been in the group for a while. It simply said "I'm going to be leaving this site. I have met someone". My reaction was "What the fuck?". Now this wasn't a member that I'm overly familiar with but we'd traded messages on posts and such over the months. Let me be very clear here - the group I'm referring to is not a dating site or group. It's a community group for Canadian BBWs and their supporters. (If you don't know what BBW stands for, click the link). We talk about everything. Clothing, movies, relationships, social issues, jokes, life in general...I sure as hell didn't join for the purpose of trying to meet a mate.
The comment kind of threw me back to Junior High and High School. I always hated it when certain friends of mine got a new bf or gf, because it meant that me and the rest of our group were history until they broke up and "realized" that we were the awesome ones. Un-huh. That would always last a few weeks until someone new came along and off they ran again. I figured it was just an immature teenage thing. But nope. I've seen it happen several times with adults too. And frankly, I don't get it.
Perhaps it's because I've never been in a serious, committed, long term relationship. I've had boyfriends, but it's never been anything overly serious or long term. But I still can't fathom the idea of giving up my whole sense of self for someone else. The thought of abandoning my friends, be it real ones or the people I converse with online, for some guy just makes me feel all icky. With the last guy I dated, I always made time to hang out with my friends, without him. And I still made time to spend on my own. I can understand the concept behind loving someone and wanting to be with them but I can't see myself ever making them my entire world. I think I'd go crazy. The phrase "too much of a good thing" springs to mind.
Isn't meeting that special someone supposed to make us better people? I'm not sure how freezing everyone else out in your life would make someone better? As a single person, I do spend an incredible amount of time online. I could very much see myself reducing my time spent online should a special someone enter my life but I can't see me never going online. I happen to like Facebook and Twitter. I like keeping in contact with my friends who live far away. I love learning new and interesting things online. I like discovering new bands online. Why the hell would I ever stop doing those things because a new person entered my life? Reduce yes, but stop all together? If being in a couple means that I have to completely give up everything I enjoy and means redefining my sense of self, then I say "Fuck That!". I'll stay single thank you very much.
I'm all for compromise. There's give and take in any relationship. It's part of what makes it work. But there has to be some balance right? A happy place in between the "WE" and "ME"? I think I'm very good at sharing my coupled friends with their special someone, so long as they remember to make a little time for me. And should the universe see it fit to give me a special someone all my own, I vow to find that balance. To keep my sense of self while developing a new identity as part of a couple and to never, ever, ever give up any of my friends.
I suddenly have a New Found Glory song in my head, which I shall leave for all of you to enjoy:
http://youtu.be/QfcLcDBII78
Good night!
Sarah
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