To gauge our growth, we have to look to the past and evaluate the people we were then and then people we are now. I'm not a big fan of doing that. I try hard not to live in the past. And I try very hard to not let bad memories/experiences from the past have a negative influence on things I do now. For someone who hates change, I'm doing a fairly decent job at embracing it.
Since I have a 4 day long weekend and have a friend coming to visit in 3 weeks, I decided that this weekend would be a good time to start my spring cleaning. I made some really good headway on Friday and threw out a lot of stuff that wasn't useful anymore and was just taking up space. Yesterday I decided that I needed to find a new way to store my shoes/boots/sandals. There's not enough room in the hall closet for them and their current location of being in a pile by the door doesn't work well, especially since I keep tripping over them and then when I go hunting for a pair, I can only find one half since I've punted the other one halfway across the kitchen. Anyhow, I remembered that I have two large plastic bins in my closet (currently being used as a shelf for my TP and Kleenex). I thought that one of them might be a good container for my shoes. So this evening, I decide to grab one and clean it out.
These bins have been in the closet since I moved back from Calgary...4 years ago. I have no idea what's in them really. I think I've only opened them once or twice since I moved back. The bin I grabbed contained a whole mess of misc. items: Birthday cards from family and friends, note cards, a couple Christmas cards, souvenirs from various trips, post cards from friends and family, a couple of neat things from my past that I decided somewhere along the way that I wanted to keep (like the interview I did with Sean M. from Great Big Sea...which my buddy Kevin got the band to sign for me when he met them!). A lot of it brought back a whole bunch of memories. I ended up throwing out 2/3s of the box.
The me from 4+ years ago found some need to keep a lot of this stuff, but the me today didn't. Somewhere in the last 4 years, I've grown and emotionally developed enough to put away those parts of my past. Sure, I did keep a few sentimental things. I kept a few cards from my parents that had supportive and motivations messages from them inside. Who doesn't need a little pick me up every now and again eh? And I did keep the last birthday card that my Gram sent me before she passed away. Seeing her hand writing on the page made me smile and miss her tremendously. I also found the copy of the Tennyson Guyer poem "The World Is Mine" that my Gram gave me when I was a little girl. I kept that too.
I also found something that I really no flipping idea what I was thinking when I decided to keep it. It's my journal from mid 2000 off and on until mid-2002. I could feel the negativity coming off it in waves without evening opening the book. Those were some of the darkest times of my life. I was so un-sure of myself. So depressed and frustrated yet there were pockets of hope. Why the hell did I keep it?? I only read a few random pages in it but it was enough to remind myself that I never want to go back to that place again. Keeping it the last time I came across it was a mistake. I believe that you can only make any one mistake once because the next time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice. So this time, I'm choosing to get rid of it. Burning it seems like a fantastic idea. LOL. I'm more likely going to tear it to shreds and just toss it out however. I don't want to risk anyone thinking that I'm attempting to burn my apartment down. The memories of those years are in my brain. I've learnt from my mistakes, have grown and moved on. I don't need the visual reminder.
Four years ago, when faced with the same task as today, I couldn't bring myself to throw a lot of that box away. But today, I did. That is growth. That is emotional development. That is making peace with the past and moving on. And all of that makes me very happy and quite proud of myself.
Speaking of being proud of ones self, I pulled off a couple of culinary firsts for myself this evening. I cooked a prime rib roast for the first time (just a little, one rib one) and it turned out perfectly! My mom would have loved it since it was nice and juicy. Dad would have hated it. He's a well done kind of guy. LOL. I also make Yorkshire Pudding for the first time ever. They were actually really easy and turned out quite well. I really enjoyed my dinner and I have a lot left over. It's dinners like these that make me wish I had someone to share them with. I really do enjoy cooking for others, especially if they're willing to do the dishes up in return.
I think I'm going to try to get more cleaning and some laundry done tomorrow and I might just venture out to see if I can find some reduced to clear Easter chocolate.
Good Night!
Sarah
My little Yorkshire Puddings
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