Game On!

Have I mentioned how happy I am to have hockey back? Well I am. I missed it. I really did. I am a true Canadian woman, so I love me my hockey. LOL.

There was no blog last night because I was out, cheering on my team and it was on the late side by the time I got home.

For her birthday, I gave my friend Steph a ticket to the Ottawa vs. Montreal game. It turned out to be almost a better present for me than her. We managed to escape work at a pretty decent time and got to the arena before 6pm, which was awesome. Not only did that mean that we got a pretty sweet parking spot, but we were also able to wander the building without fighting the crowds.

We opted to eat dinner at the rink and we had massive poutines for dinner. We lucked out and one of the ushers was handing out coupons for the place that sold the poutine. The suckers were huge and neither one of us finished ours.

Being at the rink early gave us a chance to watch warm up too. Steph was pissed because Montreal's #1 goalie wasn't playing and neither was the new guy they'd just signed. I was happy with my line up, even if Spezza was out with an injury.  The game was a good one. It was pretty fast paced (when the referees weren't blowing the whistle every 5 seconds) and there were 2 fights in the first 5 minutes. Things settled down after that.

I've missed seeing hockey live. It's so different when you're sitting in the stands, surrounded by fellow fans, cheering on your team. The sights, the sounds, the smells - they're all awesome. And it all adds to the experience and enjoyment of the game. It's the sort of thing that I think everyone should get to experience. Even if you're not a huge sports fan, there's enough stuff there to keep you occupied. Just watching the people is entertaining enough. Like the girls who were drinking their beer through a straw. Or the puck bunnies in the row behind us or the poor guy down in the 100s who got hit in the head with a stray puck. I guess he missed the warning about flying objects coming over the glass.

We hung out at the rink for a bit after the game, waiting for the parking lot to thin out. That worked well and we didn't spend too much time in traffic. The city is building a new highway access ramp for the arena so traffic will be much better once that's done.

Even though it was almost midnight by the time I got into bed, it was a great night. I had great company, great entertainment and my team cleaned house winning 5-1, which was the icing on the cake. I can't wait to go back and see my team play again.

Now it's time to crawl back into bed and try to catch up on some of the sleep I missed last night.

Good Night!

Sarah

If I See Another Happy Couple/Person on a Beach Photo, I Might Just Self Combust

I keep sitting here, looking at this blank screen and suddenly my thoughts are as blank as it is.

I guess some thoughts really are too personal to share. 

I am very tired. The irony being that despite how tired I am, I'm sleeping like shit. I either can't fall asleep for hours or I do fall asleep but then wake up 4-5 times in the night since I can't seem to stay asleep. The snow plows clearing the mall parking lot at 1:30am on Monday didn't help matters any. 

There is one thing that's kind of pissing me off right now. It's everyone posting beautiful photos on Facebook from their assorted vacations in tropical places. Everyone looks like they're having/had so much fun and the weather and the beaches look so awesome. And I'll admit it. I'm down right jealous. 

Ignoring the fact that I don't have anyone who'd be available to go on said vacation with me, the long and the short of it is that I simply can't afford to go on a tropical vacation. The only time in my adult life that I've got on a real vacation was May 2007, when I went to Vegas for 4 days with my buddy Cam. And I was only able to do that because my Gram had passed away and left me some money, which came with the instructions "Have some fun with it". So I took 75% of it and paid off one of my student loans (no, that wasn't the fun part) and I took what was left and went to Vegas.

One of my co-workers recently said "Travel is totally worth going into debt for". Unfortunately, I can't agree with him. Speaking as someone who's spent the better part of the last 10 years trying to get out of debt, I can't really think of much that's worth being put back into the brutal whole. I can finally kind of see the light at  the end of the tunnel. I keep looking at the money in my investment account and thinking that I could really go on a kick ass vacation with that money. But then I remember why that money's there. It's there so that in 30 years, I can go on that kick ass vacation, every year. I think of spending it and then I'm reminded of what and who I still owe. I think of spending it and then I look around my crappy apartment at all my hand me down and worn out furniture and realize that a new couch is much more practical than a week in Cuba. A new kitchen table and a new arm chair would serve me so much better than a Caribbean Cruise.

Some days I wish I wasn't so responsible. If I wasn't, I'd probably be on a beach somewhere right now. What really frosts my cupcake is watching people who constantly complain about having no money go on said trips ( these are the same people who tell you about their horrible debt in once sentence and then tell you about their new jumbo screen tv/new fully loaded car/new top of the line phone in the next sentence ). I could buy a whole new living room set for less than the cost of a trip to Mexico. No wonder the economy is such a mess and so many people are in debt. No one cares about the consequences anymore. Why bother worrying about your bills when you can just file for personal bankruptcy and sweep it all away? Or so all of the "credit counselling" commercials lead you to believe.

No one takes responsibility anymore. I had not one but two independent financial planners tell me that I was the "perfect" candidate for personal bankruptcy. That kind of surprised me. They didn't try to offer me any advice, any re-payment ideas - nope, take the quick and easy way out and start over.

But I didn't do it. I keep at it and finally managed to find a better solution. I still have to pay back every single cent of my debt, I just managed to be given an opportunity to do it sooner and without my credit rating taking a nose dive. Truthfully, I thought about it but I felt bad at the idea of shirking my responsibilities. I wasn't raised that way. I realize that some people get themselves so far into trouble that that is the only option for them and that's fine. That's what it's there for. That's what it's intended for. 

We're told to live within our means. I get it. I'm doing that and my means aren't that fantastic but it's a work in progress and I know that it will slowly get better, if I just keep at it.

That isn't to say that I don't keep an eye on the travel websites. You never know when an absolute steal of a deal will come along.

But for the time being, I'll just keep plugging away and will look forward to my trip to Montreal in April. It's only a couple of days and it's only 2 hours away but it's a fun change of scenery. The BioDome and Botanical Gardens do feel like you're in a tropical paradise too.

Enough venting for now. I'm going to go and attempt to sleep, if I don't end up maiming my upstairs neighbour first. He's been banging/thumping/dropping crap for the last 5 minutes. No wonder I'm not sleeping well. I really need to move.

Good Night.

Sarah

Weirdness

I didn't blog last night. I tried to but nothing came out. I stared at the blank screen for a good 5 minutes and then opted to pack it in and go to bed. Truth is, I really don't have much to say tonight either. My head is in a strange place. There's lots rolling around in my brain but I can't seem to focus on any one thing. It's like there's lots of back ground noise but I can't pick out a specific song or voice.

I've had several nights of strange dreams and watching the news today was just plain bizarre. The top 3 news stories were about the tragic deaths of hundreds in a night club fire in Brazil, a female's torso being found in a dumpster in Kitchener, ON and apparently she had on a "Forget being a princess, I want to be a Vampire" t-shirt (why that's relevant to the story, I have no idea. I can see it being used to help identify her, but the media seems to be stuck on it) and of course, the election of the new Provincial Liberal Party leader in Ontario - who happens to be a woman. And she's gay (and legally married too! Again, the media seems stuck on something that I don't think is overly relevant). Personally I don't care if the new leader is male, female, black, white, purple, gay, straight, bisexual or an alien from outer space so long as they can do a good job and get the province out of the massive hole we're in. And calm down the pissed off teachers too.

I feel restless yet I don't seem to have much energy or desire to do anything. Even listening to some of my favourite music today was annoying me. Every little sound from my neighbours was getting on my nerves. I'd catch myself just staring out the window, not really looking at anything in particular and then I'd glace at the clock and realize that I'd lost 15-20 minutes. Something is brewing in my subconscious. I just have to wait and see what it is. Perhaps work will help. Often when I focus on something else, my mind relaxes and whatever it is I'm processing in the background has a chance to come forward.

Good Night.

Sarah

Robbie Burns

Today is Robbie Burns Day. It's a day to celebrate the works of a great author and enjoy a little bit of haggis. I had sushi for dinner instead but that doesn't really matter. Robert Burns was born in Scotland on January 25th 1759 and is know as Scotland's favourite son. He was a poet and lyricist. Most people probably know him for his poem "Auld Lang Syne" which was then set to some traditional folk song and now we all sing it while ringing in the new year. Bet you didn't know that the song was that old.

Now I'm not sure if I should be concerned or not, but I can hear a lot of running water tonight. We have hot water heat so I hear it in the heaters all the time, but tonight I can hear it in the pipes in the bathroom/closet and the heaters in the hallways outside the apartment sound like they have rivers running through them. And every time I flush the toilet, I can hear it echo in my bath tub, quite loudly. While sitting here writing this blog, I've heard the bath tub echo, twice. I'm guessing someone else at this end of the building flushed their toilet too. I can't see any water coming up into my bath tub. Maybe I'll put the stopper in it, just in case....

It's still very cold here but not as cold as it was. We're stilling at a balmy -15 right now (feels like -21 with the windchill) which is a notable improvement from the -39 that we had earlier this week. The part I'm not liking is the fact that there's a risk of freezing rain in the forecast for Tuesday. I wish that would go away. The cold weather has been really good for the Rideau Canal. The full length of it opens up tomorrow. Or maybe it was today. I don't remember. Either way, I won't be going on it. Ice and I do not get along.

I think I'm going to venture off to the bed and try to ignore the sounds of running water.

Good Night!

Sarah

Photo of the gardens inside the Bellagio Hotel in Vegas

Around The World

Day #2 of my training session was pretty good. I only got lost once but was able to figure it out and get back on track. Here's hoping I remember it all :)

We finished early so I had enough time to go back to the office. I kind of wish I didn't. LOL. I now have a rather long "to do" list as a result. Oh well. It will keep me out of trouble and make the day fly by.

The fact that it was once again minus fucking cold here had me thinking about summer and wishing I could go away somewhere. I'd love to go to Europe. I really, really would. But financially, that's not going to happen for some time yet. So I was thinking about travel in Canada. I'd really love to go back to BC. I want to spend some time in Victoria again (since I was there in the winter) and I want to go to Vancouver. On the flip side, I'm really interested in seeing Newfoundland. Only problem with NFLD is that I'd like to tour the province and see some of the smaller villages and such and I don't drive. So I need to find someone to go with me who does drive. In BC, I can take a ferry from Vic to Van so it's not an issue. Money is still the key factor in both places, but they'd be really awesome to visit. I haven't had a "real" vacation since 2007. Going home to visit is nice and all but it's not quite the same as going away somewhere new and getting to explore and experience a new place. Kind of like how I'd love to be in Turks and Caicos right now :)

I'm pretty darn sure that if I ever win it big on the lottery, I'd spend the first year travelling all over the world. Just seeing it and taking it all in. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our day to day routines, get buried in our work, consumed by out lives that we forget that there's a HUGE world out there and we're just living in one small piece of it. Sometimes thinking about it make me sad because I'm afraid that I'll never find the money or find a way to get out there and see it all. Other times I just sit and daydream about what it's going to be like when I get there. I make a pretend itinerary of all the fabulous things I want to see, taste, smell and experience. All the world history, art, food and beauty. And that makes me smile.

One day.....

Good Night.

Sarah

Viva Las Vegas!!!! That was an awesome trip!

Cookies And A Deep Freeze

I had a pretty good day at work. I was in a training session today (and it continues tomorrow) and the session is going really well. The guys running it are great and really laid back and the stuff we're learning is pretty interesting so it's keeping my attention. Hopefully I remember everything and can apply my knowledge soon.

As a result of training, I actually got to leave work at a normal time.I did a quick tour through Walmart ( I forgot half the stuff I wanted to buy, so it must not have been important ) and found a very nice top on the clearance rack for $7. So that was a nice discovery. After that, I headed home and made dinner.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been craving chocolate chip cookies. I don't really know why. Since there wasn't anything good on tv tonight, I decided to bake. My apartment smells wonderful and I have a nice pile of home made cookies in my kitchen. I think I'll take some to my training session tomorrow and share with my fellow classmates. And the instructors of course.

It's been a long time since I've felt like baking. I love doing it just haven't had the desire. I'm taking this as a positive sign. Engaging in activities that I enjoy is the sign of a happy person. The next step on the improvement list is getting out more. Interacting with other human beings more. That one is going to be a bit of a dozy, seeing as I do love my alone time. I suppose that's why the experts say that we need to step outside of our comfort zone. I've been very chatty with the others in my training session, so that's good too :)

Little positive steps every day. Oh! And I managed not to freeze today, despite the temp being -39C when I left this morning and then being -35C when I came home. Stupid weather. Ottawa was the coldest Capital City in the world today. Novosibirsk, the capital of  Siberia, was warmer than us!! Heck, even Iqaluit, the capital of Nunavut in Canada's North was warmer than Ottawa. If you threw a pitcher of boiling water into the air, snow would form. The tried it on the local news at 6pm and it worked. LOL. Insane. Tomorrow should be slightly warmer at -27. Lucky us.

I'm going to go and crawl into my warm bed and dream of spring now.

Good Night!

Sarah

I was more bundled up today than I was in this photo!

Mental Health

I went to an interesting seminar at work today. It was all about stress in the workplace and mental health. We were taught how identify warning signs of stress, how to avoid it, how to manage it and how recover from it. It was a very well done seminar and we got some great tips. The funny part was that over half of the "stress triggers" in a workplace pretty much sum up my office. LOL. Tell me something that I didn't already know.

Sitting there, listening to the instructor talk about mental health, giving stats about how many people experience mental health issues, how many people don't bother to seek help, the negative stigmas attached to it....it made me realize just how far I've come.

I remember the darkness, the crippling feels of worthlessness. Feeling that I couldn't function. I remember one very specific day in early 2009. I was still in Calgary. I sat on the floor in my living room and I just started to cry. And cried and cried and cried. I didn't think I was ever going to stop. I was beyond sad. I was beyond depressed. I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. I never, ever want to feel that way again.

And thus far, I never have. And I'm pretty certain that I never will again. Why? I've got the tools, the support  system and the wisdom to prevent it from ever getting that bad again. Bad months turned into bad weeks and bad weeks turned into bad days. And 1 bad day is easier to deal with than a whole week of bad days. The really nice part is that those bad days have been further and further apart too. My next goal is to stop worrying about when they'll come back. I'm working on it and am slowly getting better :)

I find more things to smile about everyday. I find more things to be thankful for everyday. I find more things to be happy about everyday. I like me more and more everyday. And that might be the most important thing of all.

Good Night!

Sarah