Viva Puffs

I did something very scary tonight. I talked to one of my parentals about my debt situation. It's scary in the fact that it means that A. Have to own up to just how much trouble I'm really in and B. Opens up the possibility for them being disappointed in be for being so stupid to get in such a mess in the first place. The only defence I have is that very little of this debt is new. Most of it is from 10+ years ago and it's just been following me around. And a part of it is from 5 years ago when I ran into some problems in Calgary. Just take a look around my apartment and you'll see that I'm defiantly not using them anymore.

Unfortunately, the conversation did very little to ease my worry/anxiety. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure it made it worse judging by the rather large knot that has now taken up residence in my stomach. It's going to be a long week. I can feel it.

Moving on. I had something happen to me yesterday that I've been sitting here thinking about all day.

Have you ever smelled something or eaten something or seen something out of the corner of your eye that suddenly filled you with such a strong memory or emotion that you thought that you'd been transported to a different time/place? That happened to me yesterday.

While out shopping at the Bulk Barn, I saw that they had holiday flavoured Viva Puff cookies on sale. I hadn't had a Viva Puff in I don't know how long, so I decided to get them. For those who don't know, they're a cookie that has a cookie bottom, with a raseberry jam filled marshmellow on top and then the whole thing is covered in chocolate. There's a version where there's fudge instead of raseberry inside too. These ones have a green mint section inside too so they look like a candy cane. Anyhow, yesterday after lunch, I decided to have one. As I bit into it, I suddenly had a very vivid flashback to my childhood. I was in my Gram's kitchen, eating a Viva Puff. My grandmother loved those cookies. I'm pretty sure the only time/place I really ever at them was at her house. We used to peel the chocolate off the outside and then peel the marshmellow part off the cookie and eat the cookie and then eat the marshmellow part. It seems that my Gram was very good at deconstructing cookies. Remind me to tell you about what she and her friend Mrs. Foster did with a bag of Oreos once... Back to my story. It was such a vivid memory. I could see every detail in the kitchen and even smell what the house smelt like and I could feel the happiness wash over me. And all I had done was bite into a cookie. Of course I then got really sad and tear welled up in my eyes because I was then hit with how much I miss my Gram but for those 30 seconds in between, it was incredible.

The mind really is such an amazing thing. I can't believe that I have such stunningly real memories tucked away in there. While it does make a little sad to remember, the happiness of the memory and the smile it put on my face was well worth the sadness around the edges. One of my all time favourite memories is one that my Gram gave me. My grandparents house was at the top of a hill. Their back windows looked out over the city. When we were little, at night, my Gram would hold my brother and I up in the kitchen by the sink so that we could see out over the city and look at all the twinkling lights. "Fairy Land" she called it. Even as a teenager, I'd stand at the sink in the dark kitchen with my Gram and look out over Fairy Land. Even now as an adult, whenever I'm somewhere high up and I can see out over whatever city I'm in, I'm still smile and think to myself "Fairy Land".

Who knew that cookie could be so powerful?

And just a quite side note to a family friend who knew my grandparents very well and who is mostly likely in surgery at this very moment: Mrs. B - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope everything goes for the best and wish you a speedy recovery.

Good Night!

Sarah

My balcony in Calgary, with "Fairy Land" in the distance.