I've tried writing journals/diaries before but I've never really stuck with it for more than a few weeks. I'd get tired and forget to write or I'd lose the book under the couch for a few months. Or I wouldn't be able to find a pen. You know, crap like that. So I'm slightly baffled as to why I've been able to keep it up so long and so well thus far.
Maybe the timing was right this time?
When it comes to anything major in our lives, people always say that the time has to be right. Or it has to come at the right time. Like quitting smoking or losing weight. If you haven't timed it right, or you aren't 100% committed, it's just not going to work, no matter how hard you try. But then that one time comes along. That one right time. I don't know if the stars align a certain way, or if the moon is in the right house or it just happens to be the 1000th Thursday in the decade but something happens. It all just clicks. The obstacles that were there all fall away. Your resolve is renewed. Self doubt is locked away and courage has come out to play. I can't explain it, but it happens. Perhaps this is one of those things?
Speaking of timing....I've spent a good deal of the week thinking back to my first week and year at University. It's hard to believe that it was 15 years ago. In many ways, it feels like it was only a few years ago. Some days I wish it was :) Going to University was a very bitter sweet moment for me. Not too many people know this, but just when I was getting my acceptance letters for University and was graduating high school and becoming legal drinking age...my mom was diagnose with breast cancer. Finding that out was the scariest day of my life. I've moved away from home, moved across the country and back and still nothing has been more frightening than the possibility of losing my mom. Unfortunately, I have a few friends who know just how real that fear is as they've lost a parent.
I'm pretty sure my first reaction to the news was a selfish one, with me thinking that my chances of getting it had just increased. But that was the scared little girl in my talking. Soon the braver young woman came out and I told my parents that I didn't want to go away to University. I wanted to stay home and look after my mom. Guess who won that battle? My mom wouldn't let me stay home. So off I went. I can remember calling home a few times and my mom was too tired or wasn't feeling well enough to come to the phone. It broke my heart. Part of me still feels guilty for not just ignoring my parents and leaving school to go home and look after my mom. I'm sure they would have killed me if I had.
My mom is an amazing woman and she pulled through. I went with her to her 2nd last treatment when I was home for reading week during my first year. I'll never forget it. I think that's the day she really became my hero. She beat the cancer :)
So when I look back and remember how scary things were 15 years ago, I also celebrate the fact that my mom has been cancer free for 15 years. I can't begin to express how thankful and grateful I am for that. What I once thought was really bad timing to be leaving home and starting school might actually have not been so bad. Perhaps it was supposed to happen then, in order for me to fully appreciate the loved ones in my life and to grow stronger as a person.
Funny how 15 years can change your perspective on things? And this turned out to be a way more emotional blog than I planned on it being. Wow.
Good Night!
Sarah
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